Philosophers of The Carrib-Ian : The Curse of Paradox Island.
The sun broke above the horizon, gaining it's first glimpse of the aft-deck of the Inconsistent Idealist. The pirate vessel was making good speed across the vast expanse of open ocean. First Mate Titus, a burly man with a confident swagger, approached the Wheel. "How goes it lad?" he asked the night helmsman.
"Fine sir", responded crewman Hammegk. "We've been drifting on and off course quite a bit, but hopefully we've caught the right wind at last. Well, at least I'm certain that *I* have caught a wind. Assuming that wind exists of course. And that the wind isn't 'life', whatever 'life' may be."
"Well, yes, sure. Well done" replied Titus as he turned away. He quickly made a mental note to ensure that Hammegk didn't get left alone so often in future.
A moment later the morning quiet was shattered by the sound of boot meeting door. "Look sharp lads...here comes the capt'n. And mind your tongues - he had another session with Mistress Rum last night!" laughed Titus.
All eyes turned towards the Captain's Quarters. A burst of profanity errupted from the open door, and was closely followed by the Captain himself. Captain Ian Interesting was a tallish man with a haunted look to his eyes. In another time and another place his appearance might have earned him the label "nerdy", but the glint in his eye suggested a man who'd never take a backward step. "F*ckin Idiots. I've better things to do than waste my time with twats that can't understand anything at all. Has anyone even figured out what the hell I'm saying yet? Find f*cking Paradox Island if you wish to continue the journey with me!"
An audible groan spread throught the gathered crew. "◊◊◊◊. He's still on about that stupid Paradox stuff. Why can't he just let it go" whispered one crewman.
"Capt'n, perhaps it's time to put this search for the island of Paradox to one side and get back to what we do best - contemplating!" offered Titus.
"Ah, First Mate Titus. Thank you for your opinion - you worthless piece of sea dung! And I thought the materialists were dense! But you're right in one sense. It's time to move this search to it's conclusion. Bring the Spanish Ambassador here to me."
Two crewmen hurried below decks, and emerged a few minutes later holding a gaunt shadow of a man between them. The remains of his clothing hung tattered from his emaciated frame. "Ah, Senor Win, how kind of you to join us." said the Captain. "Have you enjoyed your time in the company of Blind Mary? She has a most 'interesting' view of the world, don't you agree? Now, enough games. Tell me where to find Paradox Island, or you'll be spending another 2 weeks looked in the Black and White hold with Mary!"
"Please...no...I can't take anymore of her whining. I beg you, don't send me back there" pleaded Ambassador Win. "If I knew anything, I'd tell you. You must believe me. Paradox Island doesn't exist! How many times must I say it - you simply fail to realise the true nature of the relationship between your hopes and reality. There is no Paradox, no matter how much you wish it to be so."
"Ephiphenomenalist scum! Enough with your irrational lies!" spat First Mate Titus. "We intend to proceed, not matter what the cost."
Win shrank back from the verbal assualt, then suddenly lurched to his feet "Fools! A thousand times fools! Do you not comprehend the waters into which you wander? You enter the world of the P-Zombies with no comprehension of where it will lead you. For the last time, turn back before you lose the very minds you hold so dear!"
"Do you think we are simple children, easily frightened by your tales?" shouted Captain Interesting. "The search continues, with your aid or without. Titus, take him away. He has nothing to say that interests me."
At that instant, the lookout in the masts above cried out "sails ho!". The Captain and First Mate sprang to the port railing. Captain Interesting trained an eyeglass on the distant vessel. "Damn. It's that infernal navy frigate again. Don't they ever quit? Quick men, prepare for battle. Just remember, we're all out of facts, so load the cannons with Rhetoric."
"Capt'n" interjected Titus, "perhaps now is the time to try dumping a few barrels of Intuition overboard - it may muddy the waters just enough to allow us to escape?".
"Good idea Titus. Give the order."
On board His Majesty's Royal Navy frigate the Persistant Materialist, the sighting of the pirate ship had sent an expectant hum spread through the crew. Rear Admiral Mercutio stood near the helm, arms clasped behind his back. "Mister Anagnostopoulos, bring Her around 12 degrees if you please".
"Aye sir" replied the First Lieutenant.
"And please inform the priest and our civilian guide that I require their attendance immediately".
Minutes later, Father Slimshady and Mr BillyJoe strode up the stairs. "First, Mr BillyJoe. Thanks for for your help so far, but we need more now" said the Rear Admiral. "in particular, I need to know why Captain Interesting feels this mythical Paradox Island even exists. I believe you also were once a believer?"
"Yes, that's right your Honourableness. I be naught but a simple man, yet even I did find eventually that the Paradox is an illusion. This pirate chap is makin' the same mistake as meself!"
"So why in God's name did you ever accept it might be real?"
"If I could jump in here my lord?", offered Father Slimshady "I think you'll find that my compatriot Berkeley is largely to blame. The damn fool should've been thrown out of the ministry years ago. Anyway, I've repeatly penned letters to this Captain Interesting explaining it all. And yet he still refuses to reply. Personally, I think sunstroke or cabin-fever are very likely contributors here."
"You may be right Father. Yet my duty is clear. Mister Anagnostopoulos, ready the men to battle stations. Let's give these rogues a taste of reality in the shape of cold steel - perhaps that might enlighten them a little".
To be continued....