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The Official Alex Jones Thread!

The Onion wins Alex Jones' Infowars in bankruptcy auction
The Onion, the satirical news company that repeatedly spoofed conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, has won the bankruptcy auction for control over his media empire — most notably Infowars, the far-right, conspiracy-minded website that served as Jones’ primary online platform.

Jones announced the sale on X on Thursday morning.

“I just got word 15 minutes ago that my lawyers and folks met with the U.S. trustee over our bankruptcy this morning and they said they are shutting us down even without a court order this morning,” Jones said.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here until they come and turn the lights off,” he added.
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They turned the lights off quickly.

The Onion plans to shutter Jones’ Infowars and rebuild the website featuring well-known internet humor writers and content creators, according to a person with knowledge of the sale. About an hour and a half after the announcement of the sale, Infowars' website was shut down.
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A bright spot in a sea of darkness. Made my day. :)
 
I love it! Apparently eight of the Sandy Hook families endorsed the deal in a CNN interview a few hours ago.

I'm going to be interested in what they do with it. Could use it as a platform for a satirical CT content. Or maybe just have a link to anti-CT sites.

They're great (it's my homepage) - I think they'll make good use of it.
 
shemp said:
I agree, there's no need to merge it.
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Ok, on that note, let me add my two cents from my original post on the Alex Jones thread (as it was noted there that the podcast would continue with an Onion bent, and an actual article was written by them to explain why Infowars was bought):

Here's an example, and OMG, I can tell this will be a very, very good investment:


Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.
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The source of satire will be endless, especially with the maga weirdoes running things, including the inefficient Department of Efficiency and the "new" sleepy Department of Warriors to lead the battle... bwahahahaha


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I replied on the CT thread before I saw this one, so I'll just repost it:

I love it! Apparently eight of the Sandy Hook families endorsed the deal in a CNN interview a few hours ago.

I'm going to be interested in what they do with it. Could use it as a platform for a satirical CT content. Or maybe just have a link to anti-CT sites.

They're great (it's my homepage) - I think they'll make good use of it.

ETA: And yes, before anybody asks, my avatar came from The Onion.
 
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Onion CEO just said they're going to use it to go after to create a new world to after what Alex Jones created. He said that they have things cooked up.

And I can't wait!
 
"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal." -Global Tetrahedron

Ooooo--who is it gonna be?? Maybe Elon Musk??
 
PitPat said:
Onion CEO just said they're going to use it to go after to create a new world to after what Alex Jones created. He said that they have things cooked up.

And I can't wait!
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stanfr said:
"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal." -Global Tetrahedron

Ooooo--who is it gonna be?? Maybe Elon Musk??
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The source of satire will be endless, especially with the maga weirdoes running things, including the inefficient Department of Efficiency and the "new" sleepy Department of Warriors to lead the battle... bwahahahaha


-
 
JayUtah said:
And right on cue, Steve Bannon is saying there was a conspiracy to deny a winning bid from Roger Stone. You can't make this stuff up (except they do).
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Holy smokes, talk about the Streisand affect. I could see the Onion going to town on that one in one of their first articles:


Stave Bannon and Roger Stone, Silent Partners of
the Onion, Start the Ball Rolling With the First
Conspiracy Theory to Discredit Their Own Mag

Mr. Bannon laughed hysterically as the maga weirdoes fell for his
newest conspiracy theory, while Roger Stone nodded his head in
agreement. "They really are stupid and uneducated," he admitted.
​


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JayUtah said:
And right on cue, Steve Bannon is saying there was a conspiracy to deny a winning bid from Roger Stone. You can't make this stuff up (except they do).
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Ah Steve Bannon. The guy who, when he had a White House position early in the first Trump Administration,said he was Trump's Thomas Cromwell.
I guess Bannon did not know what Henry the Eight finally did to Thomas Cromwell.
 
i think it's funny that of all the many, many right wing conspiracy theorist grifters out there, he's the only one who failed
 
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
 
Thermal said:
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
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According to them it was purchased for "under a trillion dollars" ;)
 
Love the official statement by the CEO of the Onion:

“The Onion is proud to acquire Infowars, and we look forward to continuing its storied tradition of scaring the site’s users with lies until they fork over their cold, hard cash,” said The Onion CEO Ben Collins. “Or Bitcoin. We will also accept Bitcoin.”
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AmyStrange said:
Holy smokes, talk about the Streisand affect. I could see the Onion going to town on that one in one of their first articles:


Stave Bannon and Roger Stone, Silent Partners of
the Onion, Start the Ball Rolling With the First
Conspiracy Theory to Discredit Their Own Mag

Mr. Bannon laughed hysterically as the maga weirdoes fell for his
newest conspiracy theory, while Roger Stone nodded his head in
agreement. "They really are stupid and uneducated," he admitted.
​


-
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You have the style spot on
 
I've seen people online saying that The Onion made their "illegal" bid using money they don't have, and the sale has "already been overturned."
I'm guessing that's what they were talking about.
 
Armitage72 said:
I've seen people online saying that The Onion made their "illegal" bid using money they don't have, and the sale has "already been overturned."
I'm guessing that's what they were talking about.
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Yeah, an excuse straight from Alex Jones,

In reality it was set up as a blind bid from the start and an undisclosed chunk of the 'money' is the Sandy Hook families forgiving the debt that he owes them. He's just salty because he thought that his shell company would win and he could carry on as normal
 
Thermal said:
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
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Whether it was a "classy move" is irrelevant; the families were also major financial backers, by agreeing to take the company as part of what Jones owes them.
 
As discussed in the CT thread, the sale is now on hold, because Jones was able to convince a judge that the use of sealed bids was somehow improper. Apparently he was expecting his buddy Steve Bannon to acquire the company and continue operations as usual.

ETA: I misremembered based on someone's joke post. Reports are it was actually a shell company of Jones's that was going to buy Infowars and continue operations.
 
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SpitfireIX said:
Whether it was a "classy move" is irrelevant; the families were also major financial backers, by agreeing to take the company as part of what Jones owes them.
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The families weren't backers, they were payees. This was a bankruptcy liquidation sale; The Onion didn't have to ask anyone if it was cool for them to bid, or if the families were ok with what The Onion was going to do with it.
 
I hope they turn it into a modern weekly world news. Which still exists as a website but one that is more obviously not real than the old print version. To be fair, the print version was obviously not real but I figured folks actually believed in the bat boy, nobody believes there's a Zombie wedding in New Jersey.
 
ahhell said:
I hope they turn it into a modern weekly world news. Which still exists as a website but one that is more obviously not real than the old print version. To be fair, the print version was obviously not real but I figured folks actually believed in the bat boy, nobody believes there's a Zombie wedding in New Jersey.
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There's not??? You just destroyed the last thing I believed in!!! There is no hope!!!
 
Typical! These right-wing nutbags were all for accepting the results of elections, and court verdicts, and court-ordered sales of their liquidated assets, when they win (i.e. don't lose). But if stuff doesn't go their way then their feces really starts flying.
 
Also from that story:
“We’re all going to an evidentiary hearing and I’m going to figure out exactly what happened,” the judge, Christopher Lopez, said in an emergency hearing on Thursday afternoon. “No one should feel comfortable with the results of this auction.”
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Doesn't sound very impartial to me- more like he's already concluded that the auction was in some way fixed.
 
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