Dude crucifies himself

[Marduk]

I call shenanigans, the contortions of a slow agonising death during a crucifiction, would rip the nails from the hands, that was why people were crucified with the nails through the wrist and also tied to the cross, the nailing is just symbolic. Still there are worse ways to go, you could get stabbed, at least crucifiction gets you out in the sunshine

 

[slingblade]

Do you think that Jesus Christ expiration was actually a suicide by self-crucifixion? This seems to be impossible, coz you eventually run out of free limbs to complete the act. BUT ... !

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

"Now, all I have to do is click my heels three times, and....[looks down]...well, ****."

 

[KingMerv00]

I call shenanigans, the contortions of a slow agonising death during a crucifiction, would rip the nails from the hands...

I've heard this claim a lot. Any reason to believe it? I vaguely recall seeing a show that showed hanging by the palms was doable.

 

[The Norseman]

I call shenanigans, the contortions of a slow agonising death during a crucifiction, would rip the nails from the hands, that was why people were crucified with the nails through the wrist and also tied to the cross, the nailing is just symbolic. Still there are worse ways to go, you could get stabbed, at least crucifiction gets you out in the sunshine

If TFA is correct, he also had a ligature around his neck meaning he would have strangled long before he bled out.

 

[Marduk]

I've heard this claim a lot. Any reason to believe it? I vaguely recall seeing a show that showed hanging by the palms was doable.

The victim was nailed by the wrists, not the hands. Don't believe me, its on the shroud.

If TFA is correct, he also had a ligature around his neck meaning he would have strangled long before he bled out.

overkill

 

[Craig4]

So torturing yourself to death is a miracle?

 

[tsig]

So torturing yourself to death is a miracle?

Only when you're god and do it to yourself to save mankind from yourself.

 

[MikeSun5]

I call shenanigans...

I would agree. Obviously I wasn't one of the investigators on the scene, but that sounds like foul play to me. That's a lot of stuff to do while under that much pain without blacking out. Reminds me of that genderbending nutter who tried to cut his junk off, but couldn't finish the deed because of the pain. Sometimes your nerve endings get the last word over mental insanity. I wonder if Jesus was on heavy pain meds or some other opiates?

So torturing yourself to death is a miracle?

If that's the case, maybe they could blame this on Pope John Paul II and finally get him turned into a saint...

 

[epix]

So a cordless drill is a miracle?

Your conclusions should be studied by the folks who investigate the behavior of chaotic systems.

 

[Lothian]

I wonder if at any point he considered that turning himself into a graven image of Jesus might not go down well when they get out the rule book at the pearly gates.

 

[epix]

It was no miracle. The article explains how it was probably done.

It is just believed so. The cross must have been horizontally positioned otherwise someone would have to help. The medical folks would surely call it a "miracle" that he would be able to finish the job. There is a medical field called traumatology that should have the last word on the case. Well, that's what happens when Jesus becomes a "role model."

 

[Eddie Dane]

Tori Amos fan?

Nah.

Army of Lovers

 

[epix]

"Now, all I have to do is click my heels three times, and....[looks down]...well, ****."

you click heels
and He clicks mouse
then He feels
what's up your blouse

you click thrice
and He clicks twice
thrice is mice
and mouse plays dice

So how's your poetry doing these days? Did you win any prize recently? I didn't. The folks in Oslo keep sending my contributions back claiming that there is no Nobel Prize awarded for poetry, but they never explain how come that you've received one for the collection of poems titled "Hell On Heels Froze Three Times Over."

 

[Lucian]

you click heels
and He clicks mouse
then He feels
what's up your blouse

you click thrice
and He clicks twice
thrice is mice
and mouse plays dice

So how's your poetry doing these days? Did you win any prize recently? I didn't. The folks in Oslo keep sending my contributions back claiming that there is no Nobel Prize awarded for poetry, but they never explain how come that you've received one for the collection of poems titled "Hell On Heels Froze Three Times Over."

Did the friendly folks in Oslo point out to you that they only award the Peace Prize? The others are awarded in Stockholm.

 

[KingMerv00]

Your conclusions should be studied by the folks who investigate the behavior of chaotic systems.

I'll clarify. The article said he drilled the holes into his hands and then placed them over the nails. I assumed it was cordless because I doubt there are many functioning outlets in an abandoned quarry. You said it was a miracle, ergo you I asked you if a cordless drill is a miracle.

 

[LarianLeQuella]

Can I go covet my neighbor's wife now?

Provide pictures, and I'll let you know.

 

[KingMerv00]

It is just believed so.

Only by rational people.

The cross must have been horizontally positioned otherwise someone would have to help.

Not necessarily. Depends what kind of platform his feet were resting on. If the platform was parallel to the ground, the cross could be upright before you started.

 

[Marduk]

It is just believed so. The cross must have been horizontally positioned otherwise someone would have to help.

nu huh
NSFW

 

[epix]

I'll clarify. The article said he drilled the holes into his hands and then placed them over the nails. I assumed it was cordless because I doubt there are many functioning outlets in an abandoned quarry. You said it was a miracle, ergo you I asked you if a cordless drill is a miracle.

I used the word miracle with no reference to any drill. The association was entirely yours.

A hole in your hand can be also caused by a bullet. When that happens, you are very unlikely to pick up your gun by the injured hand and shoot back, not to mention drilling a hole into your attacker's head.

(The word miracle is also used to summarize hard-to-anticipate events.)

 

[Craig4]

It is just believed so. The cross must have been horizontally positioned otherwise someone would have to help. The medical folks would surely call it a "miracle" that he would be able to finish the job. There is a medical field called traumatology that should have the last word on the case. Well, that's what happens when Jesus becomes a "role model."

If that's a miracle from a god, that god is a super galactic sized raging *******.