Attention, NWO

[Hokulele]

And if all else fails, it'll be a blast at parties!

It can also be a blast for getting out of budget meetings.

 

[Sabrina]

It can also be a blast for getting out of budget meetings.

Precisely. *grins evilly and rubs hands together*

 

[kookbreaker]

*hands Audible the signed copy and heads back to her office to check on the status of her swords, Jedi mind-belts, and the "Moloch-buster" gun*

Thank you for your order from the NWO Arsenal. In accordance with our policy of being incredible geniuses and total morons at the same time, your order has been classified, dummy-shipped from a secret location, and placed in special plain brown boxes with self-destruct mechanisms.

The entire load will arrive by UPS courier in the middle of the day so that neighbors and passers-bye can see the delivery. Your tracking number with items listed will be on a computer where anyone with the tracking number can see it.

Thank you for your order from The NWO Arsenal!

 

[jhunter1163]

Where's my (rule10)ing EBOLA?! Don't tell me I have to fill out more paperwork. It's hard to find virgins to sacrifice in this part of the country.

And if you want Ebola, you're just gonna have to shill harder. I can't tell you how many boots I had to lick to get it. Or whether there were feet, claws or hooves in those boots.

 

[defaultdotxbe]

Where's my (rule10)ing EBOLA?! Don't tell me I have to fill out more paperwork. It's hard to find virgins to sacrifice in this part of the country.

And if you want Ebola, you're just gonna have to shill harder. I can't tell you how many boots I had to lick to get it. Or whether there were feet, claws or hooves in those boots.

the shipment of Fbola i got makes your Ebola look like swine flu

 

[Rogue1stclass]

The Overseer bit my hand while I was changing his water. This indicates that there was a translation error. In all packets produced in the last Quarter, "Jesuits" should be replaced with "Jews". The Jesuits just don't have the numbers lately, and are being phased out. Those of you using Jesuits for ongoing projects can continue to do so, but no replacements will be given pending review next Quarter.

Also, in these same packets, replace "initiate armeggedon sequence 5-7" with "plant a ficus to make office space more homey".

We apologize for any inconvience this may have caused.

Before the venom locks me in 3 hours of erotic bliss, I wanted to add that the Overseer has $50 Repti-bucks bet on you in the Shill/Disinfo bowling match next Saturday. He makes you the standard offer of not eating the lowest scoring bowler if you win.

 

[Blue Mountain]

Are both the Rosthchilds and the Vanderbilts going to be at the Family Day get-together this year? If, so, we better keep them at opposite ends of the picnic ground--I don't want a repeat of last year's events. (It's a good thing we own all the papers, or it would have been difficult to keep it quiet.)

 

[joe911]

When can we open the FEMA CAMPS? I want to re-educate some twoofers

 

[JoeyDonuts]

It can also be a blast for getting out of budget meetings.

You have now exceeded your Tribunal-Appointed Snark Allotment for the month. Besides, my budget meetings are the height of numerical hilarity.

P.S. Whoever the hell is in charge of Acquisitions now, I am still waiting on my Mr. Gutsy. I'm now four weeks behind schedule on the HDTV Cerebral Sublimation Project.

JoeyDonuts
NWO Fraud, Waste, and Abuse Hotline
General Accounting Sector Gamma-14

 

[Audible Click]

When can we open the FEMA CAMPS? I want to re-educate some twoofers

-Sashays out of her lab and yells down the hall- "You can't open the camps until I complete the NWO-FEMA cattle prod, the Adult Insanity by children's TV project, and fix the glitches in the Ulitima2 cyborg program!!!" -stomps back into her lab muttering about new hires and protocol.

 

[Sabrina]

-Sashays out of her lab and yells down the hall- "You can't open the camps until I complete the NWO-FEMA cattle prod, the Adult Insanity by children's TV project, and fix the glitches in the Ulitima2 cyborg program!!!" -stomps back into her lab muttering about new hires and protocol.

*looks up from her paperwork upon hearing Audible's yell and growls in irritation, striding out of her office and grabbing joe911 as he passes by* Never... annoy... my assistant... again. Capiche? *taps her Prada clad foot and meaningfully drops her hand to her waist where her Certified Never-Dull NWO Sword and Dagger are sheathed*

 

[Rogue1stclass]

You have now exceeded your Tribunal-Appointed Snark Allotment for the month. Besides, my budget meetings are the height of numerical hilarity.

P.S. Whoever the hell is in charge of Acquisitions now, I am still waiting on my Mr. Gutsy. I'm now four weeks behind schedule on the HDTV Cerebral Sublimation Project.

JoeyDonuts
NWO Fraud, Waste, and Abuse Hotline
General Accounting Sector Gamma-14

Your call is very important to the Overseer and will be answered in the order it was recieved. For quality control and blackmail purposes, this call will be recorded and altered. At the end of your call, you may be asked to take a brief survey to assist us in controlling you better and ensure that you are part of a healthy diet.

In regards to you question concerning Mr. Gutsy, all of those units have been sent to the year 2077 to assist in The Human Depopulation and Mutation Project. Please make a note of it.

However, your Mr. Gutsy should have been retroactively replaced with an equivalent Amazon Wrestling Nun. If you did not recieve your Amazon Wrestling Nun, please fill out form 8749/A: Failure to Recieve Replacement Nun, Amazon Wrestling and 9378-D: Requisition of Replacement Replacement Nun, Amazon Wrestling and, at your option, form 1A: Permission for Self Termination.

Thank you for calling your JREF NWO Overseer. We eat 35% more of our employees then other Reptilian Overlords, and we think that amounts to quality that shows.

 

[joe911]

*looks up from her paperwork upon hearing Audible's yell and growls in irritation, striding out of her office and grabbing joe911 as he passes by* Never... annoy... my assistant... again. Capiche? *taps her Prada clad foot and meaningfully drops her hand to her waist where her Certified Never-Dull NWO Sword and Dagger are sheathed*

*joe bows his head in shame and returns to cleaning nwo kittys litter tray*

 

[MysteryMammal]

Just a note about office etiquette, guys and gals:

WHO EVER KEEPS LEAVING SPECIMENS AND EXPERIMENTS IN THE BREAK ROOM FRIDGE BETTER STOP! And the rest of you better have your lunches from the week out of the fridge by 4pm on Friday. Have you smelled the fridge lately? It's disgusting and clearly against the office policies laid out in the Employee Handbook.

 

[Hokulele]

*taps her Prada clad foot ...*

Wait, we are getting our jackboots from Prada now?

I must put in another call to HR ...

 

[jhunter1163]

Check with LashL on that. She has some very nice leather accessories.

*Note to Mrs. JHunter1163: So I'm told anyway.*

 

[Elizabeth I]

To: NWO Operatives, Government Shills, Masons, Jews, Jesuits and Illuminati
From: You're not cleared to know
Re: Change in management

This is to advise that the Overseer has been replaced. His habit of communicating with underlings via vicious bites was running through the underling supply much too quickly and becoming wasteful. WE MAY BEAT AND ABUSE OUR SLAVES, BUT WE WILL NOT TOLERATE WASTE.

The new Supreme Ruler of the Immediate Universe is too glorious to be looked upon and his/her name may not be spoken by the rabble. Therefore, as of today, his/her name, aspect and location are classified at the highest level.

Continue as before. That is all.

Elizabeth I
First Assistant Associate Aide-de-Camp to the Undersecretary's Secretary

 

[TjW]

Yeah! Why does he think he gets to use Ebola when the rest of us have to make do with Swine Flu? Who died and made him Mooloch?

Who would want to be head of the cow-tipping division?

 

[LashL]

Check with LashL on that. She has some very nice leather accessories.

I can neither confirm nor deny that such accessories are special orders quietly requisitioned by a very highly placed member of the organization in support of little known but immensely effective operations of a particularly... um, outrageous er, egregious um, delicate nature.

But it sure is nice to be able to avoid all of that annoying HR paperwork.

 

[JoeyDonuts]

But it sure is nice to be able to avoid all of that annoying HR paperwork.

Ohhh...you had better not still be discarding them or worse, leaving them for your eunuch secretary. General Accounting Gamma-14 has had fourteen discrepancy reports generated on your directorate this quarter. The only other department to rack up more Fraud Waste and Abuse complaints than yours is Sabrina's expense account. Apparently a 50,000/wk Prada budget is 'necessary to good order and discipline' whatever the hell that means.

I swear, if you people don't start straightening up and flying right, I'm going to "anonymously release" another round of pictures to the general public again.

JoeyDonuts
NWO Fraud, Waste, and Abuse Hotline
General Accounting Sector Gamma-14