Non-Campaign Bulletin #1
Hi HeadScratcher. Anticipating your West Coast whistle-stop-less tour through none of our major cities in California, I have used my considerable influence with no Los Angeles city planners for your tickless tape parade later this millennium.
They have not so earnestly assured me that all city traffic will be diverted onto the parade route during the non-event.
Are there any conflicts with your wide-open and empty schedule? Please do not let me know as soon as possible, if at all.