Loch Ness Monster Is Probably Eels

[Reformed Offlian]

Yep. The British rod-caught record is around 11 lbs. Electrofishing in commercial fishing lakes, where fish are very well fed indeed, has yielded some a little above that weight. Monster freshwater eels simply don't exist.

Maybe it's a bunch of eels in a trenchcoat.

 

[Andy_Ross]

Maybe it's a bunch of eels in a trenchcoat.

I was going to post something very similar

 

[TragicMonkey]

All this assumes there's even something you need to explain, using eels.

From now on I shall explain all things unknown with "probably eels". The dark matter cosmic mystery? Probably eels! Who really shot JFK? Probably eels! What has been eating the tomatoes in my mom's garden? Probably eels!

 

[Apathia]

From now on I shall explain all things unknown with "probably eels". The dark matter cosmic mystery? Probably eels! Who really shot JFK? Probably eels! What has been eating the tomatoes in my mom's garden? Probably eels!

Yup! It was eels that ripped apart the Singularity and thus caused the Big Bang!

 

[Apathia]

Here it is folks!
The very best photo of the Loch Ness cryptid.
Notice the detail!
You can see the whites of its eyes!

Well, as far as that goes, what you see could be most anything.
I say it's the head of Seth MacFarlane.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/c...2532c59c0d4d989a3a4d23a8a7ee9d&ei=27#comments

 

[Pope130]

From now on I shall explain all things unknown with "probably eels". The dark matter cosmic mystery? Probably eels! Who really shot JFK? Probably eels! What has been eating the tomatoes in my mom's garden? Probably eels!

"Probability Eels" would sound much more sciency. (And, most people would accept it, because they don't what it means, but assume you do.)

 

[Apathia]

Ceti Eels would explain much more.

 

[arthwollipot]

"Probability Eels" would sound much more sciency. (And, most people would accept it, because they don't what it means, but assume you do.)

Why do I keep failing to win the lottery!?

I dunno man, it was the probability eels.

 

[gnome]

It's eels all the way down.

 

[theprestige]

Why do I keep failing to win the lottery!?

I dunno man, it was the probability eels.

Going back to your thread title: Which Loch Ness Monster is "probably eels"?

The St. Columbia encounter from 565 AD?

The salamander-looking thing Alexander Macdonald claimed he saw in 1888?

The photograph, probably of his dog, that Hugh Gray published in 1933?

The sketch made by Arthur Grant, probably of an otter, in 1934?

The famous "Surgeon's photograph" from 1934?

The Taylor film, probably of flotsam, from 1938?

The "Loch Ness Muppet" photos, probably a hoax, published in 1977?

The Holmes video, possibly an otter, a seal, or a bird, published in 2007?

The sonar image, likely an algae bloom, published in 2011?

The drone footage published in 2021?

 

[Axxman300]

Going back to your thread title: Which Loch Ness Monster is "probably eels"?

The St. Columbia encounter from 565 AD?

He probably had an eel for dinner, and the story grew from there.

The salamander-looking thing Alexander Macdonald claimed he saw in 1888?

Not all salamanders have legs, and sometimes they can be confused with eels, and vice versa.

The photograph, probably of his dog, that Hugh Gray published in 1933?

A dog is not an eel. Dogfish are not dogs. Crazy world we live in.

The sketch made by Arthur Grant, probably of an otter, in 1934?

And eel with a mustache, probably going through a phase, as eels are known to do.

The famous "Surgeon's photograph" from 1934?

A classic hoax, but there were eels nearby.

The Taylor film, probably of flotsam, from 1938?

Eels.

The "Loch Ness Muppet" photos, probably a hoax, published in 1977?

Eel.

The Holmes video, possibly an otter, a seal, or a bird, published in 2007?

Eel.

The sonar image, likely an algae bloom, published in 2011?

Eel.

The drone footage published in 2021?

This one's obviously a plesiosaur...just kidding, probably an eel.

 

[theprestige]

He probably had an eel for dinner, and the story grew from there.




Not all salamanders have legs, and sometimes they can be confused with eels, and vice versa.



A dog is not an eel. Dogfish are not dogs. Crazy world we live in.



And eel with a mustache, probably going through a phase, as eels are known to do.



A classic hoax, but there were eels nearby.



Eels.



Eel.



Eel.



Eel.



This one's obviously a plesiosaur...just kidding, probably an eel.

Thanks for your input, but you're missing my point.

There's no singular "loch ness monster", all sightings of which can be explained as "probably eels". There's diverse array of alleged sightings, many of which already accounted for by other likely explanations, some of which are obviously hoaxes or hallucinations, and some of which probably can't be best explained as "probably eels". I really want to know which particular, documented sighting(s) arth thinks is probably eels. It can't be the loch ness monster generally, because there is no general case of the loch ness monster.

 

[Axxman300]

Thanks for your input, but you're missing my point.

There's no singular "loch ness monster", all sightings of which can be explained as "probably eels". There's diverse array of alleged sightings, many of which already accounted for by other likely explanations, some of which are obviously hoaxes or hallucinations, and some of which probably can't be best explained as "probably eels". I really want to know which particular, documented sighting(s) arth thinks is probably eels. It can't be the loch ness monster generally, because there is no general case of the loch ness monster.

Back in the mid-1980s the Discovery Channe'l, back when they took themselves seriously, conducted an expedition at the loch, and put together some actual scientist-types.

The best part was they broke down all of the sightings into type:

1-Long neck/small head.
2 - Full body.
3 - One hump.
4 - Two humps.
5 - Three or more humps.
6 - Other.

Their graph indicated most people reported one hump cruising at the surface. From there that particular scientist suggested tossing out the other types of sightings based on the statistics, and the fact that those other sightings, especially the long neck were both rare, and easily debunked. This left a hump that averaged three to four feet in length (est). This allowed them to establish a base from which they could identify alternate creatures to explain the sightings. They suggested seals, otters, and eels.

Personally I think if there's something in the loch, it's a large fresh water salamander. They can grow to 6 feet in length, have the same red-brown skin color, and their gills allow them to remain submerged. They certainly have the ability to hide. And some look like eels.

 

[theprestige]

Back in the mid-1980s the Discovery Channe'l, back when they took themselves seriously, conducted an expedition at the loch, and put together some actual scientist-types.

The best part was they broke down all of the sightings into type:

1-Long neck/small head.
2 - Full body.
3 - One hump.
4 - Two humps.
5 - Three or more humps.
6 - Other.

Their graph indicated most people reported one hump cruising at the surface. From there that particular scientist suggested tossing out the other types of sightings based on the statistics, and the fact that those other sightings, especially the long neck were both rare, and easily debunked. This left a hump that averaged three to four feet in length (est). This allowed them to establish a base from which they could identify alternate creatures to explain the sightings. They suggested seals, otters, and eels.

Personally I think if there's something in the loch, it's a large fresh water salamander. They can grow to 6 feet in length, have the same red-brown skin color, and their gills allow them to remain submerged. They certainly have the ability to hide. And some look like eels.

... Because of all the large salamanders caught in Loch Ness.

 

[arthwollipot]

Thanks for your input, but you're missing my point.

There's no singular "loch ness monster", all sightings of which can be explained as "probably eels". There's diverse array of alleged sightings, many of which already accounted for by other likely explanations, some of which are obviously hoaxes or hallucinations, and some of which probably can't be best explained as "probably eels". I really want to know which particular, documented sighting(s) arth thinks is probably eels. It can't be the loch ness monster generally, because there is no general case of the loch ness monster.

I have a feeling that you're nitpicking beyond the point at which it really matters.

 

[GlennB]

...

Personally I think if there's something in the loch, it's a large fresh water salamander. They can grow to 6 feet in length, have the same red-brown skin color, and their gills allow them to remain submerged. They certainly have the ability to hide. And some look like eels.

There are no salamanders in the UK.

 

[Andy_Ross]

Back in the mid-1980s the Discovery Channe'l, back when they took themselves seriously, conducted an expedition at the loch, and put together some actual scientist-types.

The best part was they broke down all of the sightings into type:

1-Long neck/small head.
2 - Full body.
3 - One hump.
4 - Two humps.
5 - Three or more humps.
6 - Other.

Their graph indicated most people reported one hump cruising at the surface. From there that particular scientist suggested tossing out the other types of sightings based on the statistics, and the fact that those other sightings, especially the long neck were both rare, and easily debunked. This left a hump that averaged three to four feet in length (est). This allowed them to establish a base from which they could identify alternate creatures to explain the sightings. They suggested seals, otters, and eels.

Personally I think if there's something in the loch, it's a large fresh water salamander. They can grow to 6 feet in length, have the same red-brown skin color, and their gills allow them to remain submerged. They certainly have the ability to hide. And some look like eels.

Which species of large salamander lives in Scotland?
Or for that matter anywhere in Britain?

How do seals get to Loch Ness?
There's 8 miles of river between the loch and the sea which includes at least 4 weird and several stretches of falls.

 

[Carrot Flower King]

Which species of large salamander lives in Scotland?
Or for that matter anywhere in Britain?

How do seals get to Loch Ness?
There's 8 miles of river between the loch and the sea which includes at least 4 weird and several stretches of falls.

Not to mention that both the River Ness and the northern end of the Caledonian Canal run through Inverness.

I've seen salmon in the Ness in the middle of Inverness, so seals would be easily seen. Aside from there aren't too many seals around that bit of coast, IIRC.

Logs, otters, wakes of boats, mergansers, optical illusions, faked photos, misinterpretations of shape and distance and a whole heap of credulousness.

 

[Andy_Ross]

Not to mention that both the River Ness and the northern end of the Caledonian Canal run through Inverness.

I've seen salmon in the Ness in the middle of Inverness, so seals would be easily seen. Aside from there aren't too many seals around that bit of coast, IIRC.

Logs, otters, wakes of boats, mergansers, optical illusions, faked photos, misinterpretations of shape and distance and a whole heap of credulousness.

Salmon run right up the river, that's what salmon do. The weirs have stepped 'salmon ladders' built in to them to allow their migration up the river
I can't see a seal tackling them

 

[TragicMonkey]

It would be hilarious if Bigfoot were real and lived near Loch Ness and was super pissed off because nobody cared about him there, all they care about is what's in the water. He could be capering on the shore with lit sparklers, singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and nobody would look twice.