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Loch Ness Monster Is Probably Eels

TragicMonkey said:
It would be hilarious if Bigfoot were real and lived near Loch Ness and was super pissed off because nobody cared about him there, all they care about is what's in the water. He could be capering on the shore with lit sparklers, singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and nobody would look twice.
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You've hit on something there.
(Clarification: TM did not hit on Nessie.)
All this could be definitively cleared up if we got a guy in a Wookie suit to to stand on the shore, just waving his arms.
Nessie would come right up out of the water and tell him to stay in his own lane.
 
TragicMonkey said:
It would be hilarious if Bigfoot were real and lived near Loch Ness and was super pissed off because nobody cared about him there, all they care about is what's in the water. He could be capering on the shore with lit sparklers, singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and nobody would look twice.
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"Bigfoot is probably bears."

"You mean the obvious guy in a suit is probably bears?"

"Stop nitpicking."
 
Apathia said:
You've hit on something there.
(Clarification: TM did not hit on Nessie.)
All this could be definitively cleared up if we got a guy in a Wookie suit to to stand on the shore, just waving his arms.
Nessie would come right up out of the water and tell him to stay in his own lane.
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"In this video, try to count all the eels you see."

"Seventeen, I think."

"Great! Now, did you see the bigfoot swimming past them?"

"What?"
 
Nessie doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.

The eel doesn't get her.

I'm explaining to you because you sounded nervous.
 
Perhaps Nessie is a huge primordial set of bagpipes. The bag might show as humps, a pipe as a long neck.

I have visited the monster center in Drumnadrochit, and the displays were surprisingly candid about how such things as seiche waves (the loch is particularly structured to produce these), birds or otters, and even floating tree stumps could easily be perceived as something weird. A short video clip of a floating log looked amazingly like some critter poking its head up for a quick dekko at the tourists. We asked one of the Sots running the place if the locals believed in the monster, and he replied, "Not as much as visitors do!"
 
There are no eels in Loch Ness.
If there were at any time, Nessie would have eaten them all.
So there you go: Nessie exists!
 
GlennB said:
There are no salamanders in the UK.
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That you know of. They're obviously working with the eels.

The point being there is no Loch Ness monster. And even the most remote non-dinosaur explanations should be checked off the list if for no other reason than you can say the option was considered, and disregarded.

The Loch Ness Monster should serve as a road-map for media-generated hysteria. A hysteria that's almost a century old. Nessie sold a lot of newspapers and books. The monster has been great for tourism. The problem now, as the hysteria moves into it's second century, is at some point someone's going to do something stupid to prove the monster is real.
 
"I saw a salamander-looking thing in the lake!"

"Nice. Now go to bed."

"But moooooooom!"
 
Axxman300 said:
The point being there is no Loch Ness monster.
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I feel like there is a Loch Ness Monster, though...and she's my friend and not yours.

I mean, if I believe in the Loch Ness Monster, maybe the Loch Ness Monster believes in me. If she believes in me, well...what couldn't I do?
 
theprestige said:
Which Nessie is probably eels, in your opinion? That one grainy photograph?
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I don't think the Loch Ness Monster, who by the way is my girlfriend, is any one thing, and "eels" is pretty far down the list of things, that when combined with the desire to see a monster, which people see and say "I JUST SAW THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!!!," ranking, in my estimation, somewhat below "I din't see nothing much a'tall, I just like to tell a cool stories; so much so sometimes even I forget how much of it really happened" and considerably above "a elephant having a wash whilst the circus is in town."
 
theprestige said:
Whereas I feel like I'm picking up the only point that does matter. Which Nessie is probably eels, in your opinion? That one grainy photograph? The obvious hoax? The likely algae bloom?
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Any of them. It doesn't matter. The point of the OP and the article linked therein is that if someone sees Nessie, they've probably seen eels. And the point of the rest of the thread is that it might also have been something else. Exactly which purported sighting is eels is utterly beside the point.

Meanwhile, the Great Nessie Hunt from the weekend went pretty much as expected:

Nessie hunters hear sounds but fail to record them

The mystery of the fabled Loch Ness monster endures despite a weekend of mass-participation Nessie hunting.

About 200 volunteers kept a lookout for mysterious events from the shoreline, but spotted nothing unusual.

Observers on a boat using acoustic equipment reported four unidentified "gloops" but then realised their recording device wasn't plugged in.
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There was a Loch Ness monster but it died a long time ago. What they're hunting now is the Loch Ness monster's ghost which, being a ghost, is even harder to catch. It's mostly invisible, and what isn't invisible is transparent, and it only comes out at night when there's not a lot of moonlight and even then it's always underwater. Someone managing to actually see it when it's there would be a more miraculously amazing event than the thing existing in the first place. As for killing it, that's extra impossible now that it's already dead, so good luck seeking revenge on it for its many, many sins and all those broken hearts it left behind. What a bastard.
 
arthwollipot said:
Any of them. It doesn't matter. The point of the OP and the article linked therein is that if someone sees Nessie, they've probably seen eels. And the point of the rest of the thread is that it might also have been something else. Exactly which purported sighting is eels is utterly beside the point.

Meanwhile, the Great Nessie Hunt from the weekend went pretty much as expected:

Nessie hunters hear sounds but fail to record them
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I love how they treat Loch Ness as if it's in Nepal or some remote location. Like this was their one big chance to prove the existence. It's Scotland, they invented rednecks there, and Loch Ness is a great place for fishing. If the weather is halfway decent there are guys out on the water fishing most of the time. They all have sonar. And I'm sure half of those guys keep an eye on their screens for a massive shape, because that's good money from The Sun.

As for the sightings throughout history? Aside from the possibility of eels and big slow sharks, the main culprit is the geology and hydrology of the lake itself. Loch Ness is low, narrow, and deep. It's a tectonic plate boundary known at the Glen Fault, with the north side being the North American plate. While there isn't much seismic activity, there is a lot unique motion in the water column as currents collide and or mix along the length of the loch. This can cause upwelling, and prolong/distort wake action from the many surface vessels cruising the surface.

As I've said before, the fringe benefit of the Loch Ness Monster has been extensive scientific research of the location down to the microbe level. And this research has provided a century of raw data that has become essential for climate change researchers. Monster hunters grab headlines, but biologists have used Loch Ness to get funding for field research they might not have otherwise received, and the result is the lake is probably the best studied body of water in the world. So you'd think they'd have found something by now.
 
Here's why no one is getting a good look and vid of Nessie:
She keeps disappearing into the Loch Ness Triangle.

(Similar to the Bigfoot Vortex.)
 
Mojo said:
In a hovercraft?
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A mass of smaller eels is far more likely to operate a hovercraft than a single giant eel. Unless it has tentacles.

ZirconBlue said:
You don't hear about hovercraft much anymore. I wonder what happened to them.
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Technological realities?


Hmm, all this talk of mysteriously evasive giant eels give me a scenario idea for our RPG campaign. I wonder can Loch Ness handle a third monster?
 
Spektator said:
Perhaps Nessie is a huge primordial set of bagpipes. The bag might show as humps, a pipe as a long neck.
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My dog you have it!! And all the common bagpipes are actually it's spawn, who've parasitised the human pipers through the tube forced in their mouth!!!
It's another front in the Jihad....
 
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