Loch Ness Monster Is Probably Eels

[Trebuchet]

I've thought for a long time that the only way to expose the monster is to drain the loch! You'd have to dam both ends but with enough resources not a problem. Surely there is some nutty multi-billionaire that can be convinced to invest in such a project?

Though, I suppose the monster could escape in the dead o' night by gallooping its way across the countryside. Or through the underground tunnel to the sea.

Unfortunately, I believe water flows OUT of the loch from both ends.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Unfortunately, I believe water flows OUT of the loch from both ends.

What? So why doesn't it empty out over time, Mr Smartypants? Sounds like a mystery for the top notch investigators from Skywalker Ranch!

 

[gerdbonk]

SKINwalker Ranch. SKYwalker is George Lucas, who we know believe is not in the Lock Ness.

 

[William Parcher]

LOCH Ness, not Lock Ness.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

SKINwalker Ranch. SKYwalker is George Lucas, who we know believe is not in the Lock Ness.

Look. You pick your experts. I'll pick mine! OTW

 

[Andy_Ross]

Unfortunately, I believe water flows OUT of the loch from both ends.

It flows in to the loch at the south western end from the rivers Oich and Tarff at Fort Augustus and the river Moriston at Invermoriston on the north shore. Water flows out at the north eastern end via the river Ness. Then through Inverness in to the Moray Firth. I've been through several times using the Caledonian Canal. There's a long flight of canal locks up out of Fort Augustus towards Loch Ouch which feeds the river Oich.

 

[arthwollipot]

I love Scottish names.

 

[Andy_Ross]

Loch Oich that should be.
Autocorrect put in the Ouch and I didn't notice until it was too late to correct

 

[catsmate]

Loch Oich that should be.
Autocorrect put in the Ouch and I didn't notice until it was too late to correct

My autocorrect problems have diminished greatly since I switched to the Gboard virtual keyboard for Android.

 

[Carrot Flower King]

It flows in to the loch at the south western end from the rivers Oich and Tarff at Fort Augustus and the river Moriston at Invermoriston on the north shore. Water flows out at the north eastern end via the river Ness. Then through Inverness in to the Moray Firth. I've been through several times using the Caledonian Canal. There's a long flight of canal locks up out of Fort Augustus towards Loch Ouch which feeds the river Oich.

This is one of the many things which make me laugh about "Nessie" accounts: the obvious boat wakes being taken as monster traces, as "there wasn't a boat anywhere near". It is the Caledonian sodding Canal - just stand by Neptune's Staircase near Corpach and see how many boats go through. And that doesn't include all the pleasure boats and cruises just on Loch Ness. There is always a boat; it's a relatively narrow body of water, wakes go on for some time.

 

[Gulliver Foyle]

I love Scottish names.

Meh. They're just borrowed Irish ones.

 

[Beerina]

All this assumes there's even something you need to explain, using eels.

 

[GlennB]

Jellied eels are manna from heaven. Mmmmm .... eels

 

[Carrot Flower King]

Jellied eels are manna from heaven. Mmmmm .... eels

Smoked eel is good too. Check out the stuff Pinneys of Orford do.

 

[GlennB]

Smoked eel is good too. Check out the stuff Pinneys of Orford do.

It never occurred to me to look, but I now notice that Tesco do jellied eels. Roll on my next delivery

 

[theprestige]

All this assumes there's even something you need to explain, using eels.

Something specific, even. "This photograph, taken at this place and time, is more likely to be eels than anything else." Or, "this event, described by multiple eyewitnesses at this place and time, is probably eels."

"Loch Ness Monster Is Probably Eels" translates to "every single claim of seeing the monster, including photographs with nothing in them, fake anecdotes related by people who have never even been to Scotland, and vague half-remembered stories your nan may or may not have told your mum... are all probably eels."

 

[Trebuchet]

It flows in to the loch at the south western end from the rivers Oich and Tarff at Fort Augustus and the river Moriston at Invermoriston on the north shore. Water flows out at the north eastern end via the river Ness. Then through Inverness in to the Moray Firth. I've been through several times using the Caledonian Canal. There's a long flight of canal locks up out of Fort Augustus towards Loch Ouch which feeds the river Oich.

Thanks for the correction!
I wonder if this new expedition has stocked up on every low resolution camera they can find?

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Thanks for the correction!
I wonder if this new expedition has stocked up on every low resolution camera they can find?

That. Plus of course the very best Imaging Enhancing software money can buy. There is some that can turn two fuzzy dots into Nessie's face staring at you!

 

[Carrot Flower King]

Thanks for the correction!
I wonder if this new expedition has stocked up on every low resolution camera they can find?

Not to forget logs and otters and boat wakes and those glasses which render the wearer incapable of judging distance and perspective. Mebbe a merganser or 2 just to be on the safe side.

 

[Andy_Ross]

Eels is it?

Creatures of nightmares.