Gods, what a great movie.
Lt. Spradling: I'm going to charge him with possession and being under the influence while on duty. You plead guilty, I recommend thirty days in the brig with loss of rank and pay.
Lt. Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave. It was ten dollars' worth of oregano.
Lt. Spradling: Yeah, but your client thought it was marijuana.
Lt. Kaffee: My client's a moron. That's not against the law.
Lt. Spradling: Kaffee, I have people to answer to, just like you do. I'm going to charge him.
Lt. Kaffee: With what? Possession of a condiment?
Lt. Spradling: Kaffee...
Lt. Kaffee: Dave, I tried to help you out of this, but if you ask for jail time, I'm going to file a motion to dismiss.
Lt. Spralding: You won't get it.
Lt. Kaffee: I will get it. And if the MTD is denied, I'll file a motion in limine seeking to obtain an evidentary ruling in advance, and after that I'm going to file against pretrial confinement, and you're going to spend the next three months going blind on paperwork because a Signalman Second Class bought and smoked a dime bag of oregano.