What to do with a Bigfoot body?

[Jrrarglblarg]

"Top. Men."

 

[HarryHenderson]

...Time and again the evidence collected gets dismissed by a wave of the hand by people who should know better...

Simply a perpetuation of the BLAARG. Facts can be pesky, fantasies not so much. No actual evidence has ever been 'hand waved' away and maybe especially so "by people who should know better." In fact, the real situation is the exact opposite of that characterization. There's been a **** TON (**** TON?) of supposed/useless/non Bigfoot "evidence" vetted by who knows how many thousands of capable eyes (pro and con) over the many years and yet somehow we're still stuck at there is no actual Bigfoot.

...This time I'll give you your due. (But just sayin' too, if I do renege, it will probably be your fault, not mine, 'k?) Ready?...

Such a swell guy, pretending he's conceding "this time." And then, whoops, promptly disowns it by accusing the victor of also being the cause if he ever decides to "renege" on that admission. Wait, what?

...only the body of something very few people are looking for is going to break this logjam. Those who clamor for that outcome are asking for something they've never seriously considered to exist...They pretend this makes perfect sense.

Yes of course, we're the ones pretending. Our seeming hand waving foolishness running so deep we're oblivious to what daft fools we truly are with that actual evidence requirement. And I'm sorry, "clamor" isn't the right word. BLAARGers are the ones who 'clamor' for an unreachable glory through real life game playing. We're the ones who simply 'wish' we gave an actual ****.

 

[jaydeehess]

But HarryH, it also explains why Nessie isn't accepted as being real. Its the damned skeptics at work.

 

[The Shrike]

There is no logjam. There is real world in which there is no bigfoot, and there is this tiny sliver of people who occupy a BLAARG/simpleton alternate in which they claim there is some great controversy over the accepted reality of bigfoot. This false equivalency nonsense pervades all manner of pseudoscientific silliness.

 

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Indulge me for a second. Forget that Bigfoot makes no sense ecologically or physiologically. My question is simply more about the process of what we would do with a corpse of unique scientific value.
.

Suspending common sense doesn't help clarify the ostensible question.

Imaginary species do not spring out in completely absurd contexts. There already is an existing scientific, academic, and public resource management infrastructure for species that actually exist. They are actively hunting new species. What will be found already has close cousins being managed.

The most likely things are insects. Bacteria, fungi, plants - not nine hundred pound gorillas. In the USA, a new species "corpse"is going to weigh whatever centipedes or butterflies weigh.

 

[mangoxguava]

1. Take the Bigfoot body in your car.

2. Bring it to an isolated area.

3. Search over the body if it has zippers, fake paint, or fake fur.

4. Measure it and check it's organs just to make sure it's not human.

5. Drive it to the best scientific college you know.

6. Tell the professor to bring all his students to carry it to the lab.

7. Test the DNA.

8. Enjoy media attention.

9. See Bigfoot enthusiasts freak out.

10. Watch as people worldwide start searching for Bigfoot to put into zoos, do experiments and communicate with.

 

[EHocking]

Supposedly a group found a skull of a "baby bigfoot" back when I was on the BFF. They wouldn't see reason in reporting it, willfully ignoring the fact that it was someone's lost child, and that dental records might be used to bring closure to a family. My cousin, who was also a member of the forum at that time, called the local law enforcement agency in the area and reported the find and what was being said about it. Evidently the group really had a skull and it was promptly confiscated. If you find anything remotely human looking, that isn't fossilized, it needs to be reported to law enforcement.

Oh, you do live a life don't you?!
OK - you've got me this far, so I guess I'm going to have to do it.

Evidence?

 

[Travis]

Suspending common sense doesn't help clarify the ostensible question.

Imaginary species do not spring out in completely absurd contexts. There already is an existing scientific, academic, and public resource management infrastructure for species that actually exist. They are actively hunting new species. What will be found already has close cousins being managed.

The most likely things are insects. Bacteria, fungi, plants - not nine hundred pound gorillas. In the USA, a new species "corpse"is going to weigh whatever centipedes or butterflies weigh.

Okay, let us suppose something gets wormholed in from an alternate Earth. And some hapless person finds it in the woods. Weird, unique body of enormous scientific value.

 

[Turgor]

1. Take the Bigfoot body in your car.

What is that thing? Oh you wanna drag it to the car and put it in the trunk? What if it's a guy in a suit?

2. Bring it to an isolated area.

Well that's suspicous behaviour. What if this is some dead guy in a suit?

3. Search over the body if it has zippers, fake paint, or fake fur.

Oh god that is a zipper. And look there a dead guy inside this suit!

4. Measure it and check it's organs just to make sure it's not human.

What? Let's call the cops right now! You know how much trouble we are in?!

5. Drive it to the best scientific college you know.

6. Tell the professor to bring all his students to carry it to the lab.

7. Test the DNA.

8. Enjoy media attention.

9. See Bigfoot enthusiasts freak out.

10. Watch as people worldwide start searching for Bigfoot to put into zoos, do experiments and communicate with.

I'm running away from the crime scene while points 5 through 10 are listed.

 

[Jodie]

Okay, let us suppose something gets wormholed in from an alternate Earth. And some hapless person finds it in the woods. Weird, unique body of enormous scientific value.

You've been watching "Strange Things" on Netflix haven't you?

 

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Okay, let us suppose something gets wormholed in from an alternate Earth. And some hapless person finds it in the woods. Weird, unique body of enormous scientific value.

How can he know this? People blithely go about their day killing endangered butterflies on the grill of their vehicle, squishing the last brown-spotted centipede, slapping the unique subspecies of mosquito...

"Something" has to be defined for this to be a logical question. Tentatively, bigfoot. There's no bigfoot department with fish and game, no experiments going on by researchers, no placement agencies. Nobody to call about bigfoot, really - so it is a facile question "who do you call"? Who do you call about things that do not exist?

 

[The Shrike]

What is unsatisfactory about the answers on the first page re: calling in the state police? Dead hominid = call the cops. Let them follow their established protocol through the Medical Examiner's office to avoid committing an unintentional felony.

 

[jaydeehess]

How can he know this? People blithely go about their day killing endangered butterflies on the grill of their vehicle, squishing the last brown-spotted centipede, slapping the unique subspecies of mosquito...

"Something" has to be defined for this to be a logical question. Tentatively, bigfoot. There's no bigfoot department with fish and game, no experiments going on by researchers, no placement agencies. Nobody to call about bigfoot, really - so it is a facile question "who do you call"? Who do you call about things that do not exist?

Coelacanth.... that was caught by fishermen and made it into the scientific field of research. Seems to me that a large terrestrial hominid would be a lot more likely to make it to a research facility than a deep water fish. Especially if one bounced off a vehicle windscreen, or was tromped on, or slapped upside the head.

 

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Coelacanth.... that was caught by fishermen and made it into the scientific field of research.

It's a very good example illustrating my point.

Local fishermen had been eating the yummy coelacanth, nothing more valuable than a cod, from time immemorial. What would there be to notice about an ordinary fish? Despite the earth-shattering discovery of an "extinct" species insofar as science was concerned.

It was well known to scientists because of the fossil record. Nonexistent species don't have fossil records.

Posters were put up where the fish was being caught with a contact number. Golly Goober, who should we call if we stumble upon a coelacanth corpse? We call the number on the poster. It's the scientist most keenly interested in taking charge.

The question seems like asking who we will call if phones don't exist.

 

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Well it's a PGF thread so the human skull stories go over in the Trials and Errors page.

It might even be worth the thread **** to see the pictures of the baby skull, read the story about the indictments pertaining to obstruction of justice, abuse of a corpse, or whatever.

 

[Jodie]

The only F/U I heard about from the incident was from Surveyor who said that the sheriff's department confiscated a human skull.

 

[Cainkane1]

Indulge me for a second. Forget that Bigfoot makes no sense ecologically or physiologically. My question is simply more about the process of what we would do with a corpse of unique scientific value.

Suppose a Forest Service worker finds a recently deceased Bigfoot in a National Forest. What happens to the body? Where would it be taken for examination? Who would get called in to do the autopsy? Who would have custody of the body after it is dissected?

I mean it doesn't have to necessarily be a Bigfoot. It could be any corpse that completely changes scientific understanding found on public property.

Find it pack it in cie and sell it.

 

[Axxman300]

Again, if you come across a body, take out your phone and take pictures and if your phone is capable, log your GPS location.

DON'T TOUCH IT.

If Bigfoot is real it will look human. Most people have never seen a dead body, let alone one that has been out there for a few weeks or months. There are cases where law enforcement is called out to a body only to learn, sometimes much later, that the corpse is an animal and not a person.

Many states, including the western US, have laws about tampering with human remains that carry heavy fines.

 

[Major Major]

As with all other such anomalous things, it will be sent to some institution for study and never be heard of or seen again. Attempts to follow up or investigate will not be responded to, or at best met with standard-issue "bedbug" letters saying nothing.

 

[desertgal]

Area 51

...is not like it used to be. They even took the fence and all the scary signs down along the highway. You can't have a sooper sekrit base without the scary signs telling travelers that the sooper sekrit base is there and they'll get shot if they even touch that fence with a feather. Not that anyone traveling that road usually carries a feather, but you never know.

We tried it once. Our dog christened that fence just outside Tonopah, and the MP's appeared out of nowhere and sternly told us to move on.

Area 51 has lost its oomph .