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What to do with a Bigfoot body?

Travis

Misanthrope of the Mountains
Travis
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
Messages
24,133
Indulge me for a second. Forget that Bigfoot makes no sense ecologically or physiologically. My question is simply more about the process of what we would do with a corpse of unique scientific value.

Suppose a Forest Service worker finds a recently deceased Bigfoot in a National Forest. What happens to the body? Where would it be taken for examination? Who would get called in to do the autopsy? Who would have custody of the body after it is dissected?

I mean it doesn't have to necessarily be a Bigfoot. It could be any corpse that completely changes scientific understanding found on public property.
 
Eat it. Slice it, dice it, make kebob, make soup, make roast, make paté, make gazpacho.

If there are bigfoot it is (probably) the last time you'll have the possibility to do it.

Same for aliens.

Or any exotic corpse found :p.

Scientist can have the rest and the skeleton later.
 
There have been a few cases where animals thought to be long extinct have been found.

What usually happens is that a conference is organized to gather experts from all over the world to study the said animal.

I expect that if a Bigfoot body were actually found, then a similar sort of conference would be called to study the Bigfoot body.
 
If there's the slightest chance it's human remains, start with the police. The nice people at the Smithsonian get a lot of misidentified bears and pre-Colonial skeletons that way. I wouldn't care to commit a felony by mistake.
 
I'd guess I'd start by calling one of the closest schools with a leading vertebrate zoology program or museum of similar stature. It'd presumably be a holotype, so it needs to be formally described.
 
First, you call an agent; lots of rights to sell. Next, call (not kill) an attorney.
 
Many Bigfoot believers will tell you that this has already happened and a protocol is in place. It immediately goes Top Secret and suddenly there are Men In Black and the public never knows that a body was recovered and life (without confirmation of Bigfoot) goes on. The guy who found the body never tells anyone. Sometimes he does talk and the Bigfooters find out about it via friend-of-a-friend.
 
William Parcher said:
Many Bigfoot believers will tell you that this has already happened and a protocol is in place. It immediately goes Top Secret and suddenly there are Men In Black and the public never knows that a body was recovered and life (without confirmation of Bigfoot) goes on. The guy who found the body never tells anyone. Sometimes he does talk and the Bigfooters find out about it via friend-of-a-friend.
Click to expand...

Mount Saint Helen's comes to mind.
 
1. Find a 1970s era Instamatic camera so that you can take suitably out of focus photographs.

2. Put the carcass in a poorly maintained freezer. Make certain that the freezer is not plugged in for a week or so.

3. Dispose of the now rotting carcass. Only save those parts of the body that are indistinguishable from goats or elk or bears.

4. Go on tour...
 
If a forest service employee found it on forest service land, he would call his supervisor who would get in touch with the district Ranger(s) and Biologist who can make an initial determination as to what he is looking at.
The district biologist would then contact the state Fish and Wildlife as well as USFWS who both staff biologists to work out jurisdictional details. These folks know each other and work together often in most cases.
A nearby university where one of the biologists has good contacts would be alerted relatively quickly as well.
Id be willing to be you'd see a press release and news conference within 72 hours rather than a coverup.
 
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Pterodactyl said:
If a forest service employee found it on forest service land, he would call his supervisor who would get in touch with the district Ranger(s) and Biologist who can make an initial determination as to what he is looking at.
Click to expand...
Get someone to identity it? The forest service guy is going to tell his boss what it is while he is on the phone.

Boss, I just found the Boss of the Woods and he is dead.
That's impossible - you are talking to the Boss of the Woods and I'm still alive.
No, I found a dead Bigfoot.
How do you know that is what it is?
It's 9 feet tall and 4 feet wide with dense hair all over and it has a conehead. Oh and it has no visible genitals whatsoever just like all the drawings of Bigfoot.
Ok, stay put and we'll send guys to get it.
Tell me that these guys won't be dressed in black.
I can't guarantee that.
 
William Parcher said:
Many Bigfoot believers will tell you that this has already happened and a protocol is in place. It immediately goes Top Secret and suddenly there are Men In Black and the public never knows that a body was recovered and life (without confirmation of Bigfoot) goes on. The guy who found the body never tells anyone. Sometimes he does talk and the Bigfooters find out about it via friend-of-a-friend.
Click to expand...

Yeah, after all that very thing happened with the Coelacanth and other..... no,,, wait,,,,never mind.
 
What to do with a bigfoot body?

You're going to have to learn to live with it. No dieting will make that fat butt go away. Don't let anyone body shame you.
 
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