We left our church

[Ruby]

Ruby,

Just wanted to chime in with my sympathies and understanding of your situation. I, too, have had to leave churches. I finally stopped going altogether when my last church told me I couldn't wear pants to service as it was unseemly for a woman to do so. The fact that I was on call for the Ambulance service on those days didn't matter.

My daughter has started going to various churches with her friends from school. They give her rides, she gets the socialization, and a chance to experience different faiths. She is only 13 and has awhile to go and much to learn before she makes up her mind.

All the best and may the God of your faith bless and keep you.



Boo

Thank you so much!! I am so sorry your last church treated you the way they did. It should never ever matter what a person wears to church. I went through the same sort of thing in my first church. I could not wear pants, shorts, make-up, jewelry, short length dresses or low cut dresses to church or even outside of church. I had a mini sermon preached to me when I kept wearing a dress that had sleeves about two inches above the elbow. They taught that dress sleeves had to be on the elbow or below.

AHHHHHH!!!! Makes me sick to remember!

 

[Ruby]

Leaving the church is only the first step. Now you can start to leave the conditioning of the church. Your first steps on the path to atheism will be rough, but the reward will be freedom.

I honestly don't know what path I am on now. I have a lot to sort out!

 

[Ruby]

Ruby,

I usually only post to rag the trolls (oh no, I've become what I hate), but I thought I should lend my support. You're strong willed and intelligent, you don't need the Man, either Upstairs or in the pulpit, telling you what to do or how to spend your money.

Phil

Thank you. Thankfully, the man upstairs has never told me to pay tithes or do anything such as my Ex-Pastor was saying.

 

[Roadtoad]

I just found this thread. Sorry I was late for the show...

Ruby, welcome to the club. I've also had a pastor (actually, an Episcopal priest) humiliate me publicly in front of the congregation. Had a Baptist pastor do the same thing. A sure sign of gutlessness: hide behind the Bible while you slam people who you know are too decent to strike back.

That's your ex-pastor.

Reminds me of our pastor in Roseville, who told us, "If you aren't tithing, don't bother praying, because God won't hear you." It was a sh***y thing to say to anyone, particularly to the older members of the church, many of whom were on fixed incomes, and were having a hard time making ANY offering to the church.

I don't know: maybe Crossbow is right, or perhaps any number of other posters are. But I know this: There was no way you were going to grow as a person, (which I would think would be key to growing as a Christian), as long as you were in attendance there.

We're pulling for you, Girl.

 

[the_ignored]

Re: Re: We left our church

Well Ruby, since you ask for opinions, I will give you mine.

Your pastor is not nuts, he is dying.

Judging by what has happened (the anger, the egotism, the personal connection with god, the demand for public support, and so on) and that this has happened so suddenly, I would say that he has suffered some sort of stroke or may have a brain tumor because one of the symptoms of these types of things is an abrupt personality change.

If I were you, I would not deal with him directly since that will not work, because where he is at you will never be able to reach him and it will just make a bad situation worse. It is easy for me to say of course, but if you still want to help then find someone that both of you can trust and who can be discreet about your role, and get the pastor in for a full medical exam as soon as possible.

Good luck!

I daresay that this guy is right; his behaviour change just seems WAY too radical!

All I can say, is just get him looked at, if possible (I don't know how)...and stay out of the church. You and your friends should take a breather, and think things out for yourselves, maybe asking around and just staying away from "organized religion" for a while.

I hope everything turns out right, and your journey (as well as the preachers'!) turns out OK.

 

[Zep]

No, church does not seem to work for me at all. I am way too liberal in my Christian beliefs to ever be happy in a church. Plus, for now, I am way too hurt, angry and disillusioned for church going. I might attend an in home church get together with the other ones who left my church. Although they are not as liberal as I am, they are liberal enough that I can deal with it........I think!

Don't be hurt and angry about this. If you are, that "church" has achieved its aim. And thereby relinquished any claim as being Christian.

And don't think you are too "liberal" either - that's just a limitation you put on yourself. Only such people as your (former) pastor think so small and mean, whatever the reasons, both literally and figuratively. Don't let their limitations become yours.

Go on! Surprise yourself! Be really happy!

Zep

 

[Thanz]

Wow. I can't believe these stories about churches in the US. Thankfully, I have never experienced anything close to what some of you have been through. . Of course, I have really only attended about 4 churches in my lifetime enough times to form an opinion, so maybe I'm just lucky.

Ruby - it seems that you do have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do. I don't know where you live or what your options are, but please be aware that there are Christian churches that do not require (or even mention) tithes, do not care how long your sleeve is on your dress or if you wear pants, and do not humiliate parishinors from the pulpit. I was going to suggest Anglican (which I think is Episcopal in the US) until I read Roadtoad's post. I encourage you to try and find a church that "fits" with you and your family. Good luck.

 

[FFed]

And the best part of all this is that now you can spend Sundays the way they were meant to be spent. Watching football.

 

[Finella]

I was going to suggest Anglican (which I think is Episcopal in the US) until I read Roadtoad's post. I encourage you to try and find a church that "fits" with you and your family. Good luck.

I was sorry to read about Roadtoad's comment about the Episcopal priest, too. Basically, that just proves that religion has been made by humans, and there are going to be human a**holes in every church that exists, unforuntately.

I have been a lifelong Episcopalian, as Ruby and others here know. There have been very few such a**holes in my experience, and when there were, at least there was a hierarchy to work with in order to deal with the situation. This is why I think it's useful, if one were to want to join a church, to go with a denomination of some size where people (not just clergy, but all church members) can be held accountable for their actions.

---,---'--{@

 

[Ruby]

I just found this thread. Sorry I was late for the show...

Ruby, welcome to the club. I've also had a pastor (actually, an Episcopal priest) humiliate me publicly in front of the congregation. Had a Baptist pastor do the same thing. A sure sign of gutlessness: hide behind the Bible while you slam people who you know are too decent to strike back.

That's your ex-pastor.

Reminds me of our pastor in Roseville, who told us, "If you aren't tithing, don't bother praying, because God won't hear you." It was a sh***y thing to say to anyone, particularly to the older members of the church, many of whom were on fixed incomes, and were having a hard time making ANY offering to the church.

I don't know: maybe Crossbow is right, or perhaps any number of other posters are. But I know this: There was no way you were going to grow as a person, (which I would think would be key to growing as a Christian), as long as you were in attendance there.

We're pulling for you, Girl.

Thank you so much!!!

I am sorry you had crappy Pastors too!!

 

[Ruby]

Re: Re: Re: We left our church

I daresay that this guy is right; his behaviour change just seems WAY too radical!

All I can say, is just get him looked at, if possible (I don't know how)...and stay out of the church. You and your friends should take a breather, and think things out for yourselves, maybe asking around and just staying away from "organized religion" for a while.

I hope everything turns out right, and your journey (as well as the preachers'!) turns out OK.

Thanks!!!


There's really nothing we can do as far as getting our Pastor looked at. I don't want to get involved in that sort of venture. Sonner or later, he will quit or his church will fold.....I hope.

 

[Ruby]

Don't be hurt and angry about this. If you are, that "church" has achieved its aim. And thereby relinquished any claim as being Christian.

And don't think you are too "liberal" either - that's just a limitation you put on yourself. Only such people as your (former) pastor think so small and mean, whatever the reasons, both literally and figuratively. Don't let their limitations become yours.

Go on! Surprise yourself! Be really happy!

Zep

Thanks! I'm trying!

 

[Ruby]

Wow. I can't believe these stories about churches in the US. Thankfully, I have never experienced anything close to what some of you have been through. . Of course, I have really only attended about 4 churches in my lifetime enough times to form an opinion, so maybe I'm just lucky.

Ruby - it seems that you do have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do. I don't know where you live or what your options are, but please be aware that there are Christian churches that do not require (or even mention) tithes, do not care how long your sleeve is on your dress or if you wear pants, and do not humiliate parishinors from the pulpit. I was going to suggest Anglican (which I think is Episcopal in the US) until I read Roadtoad's post. I encourage you to try and find a church that "fits" with you and your family. Good luck.

I live in Texas. I pretty much live in the bible belt. I don't know of any churches around here that don't collect tithes.

I am too burned out on churches to seek another. I'd rather stay home on Sunday's where it's safe!!!

 

[Ruby]

And the best part of all this is that now you can spend Sundays the way they were meant to be spent. Watching football.

Neither myself or my hubby care much for football. I think we will do a lot of sleeping on Sunday's....if our little ones will allow.

 

[Ipecac]

Ruby, my sympathies also.

Based on the recent discussions you've participated in on this board, I agree with those who said you seem to be on something of an intellectual awakening. I would urge you to use this experience to your benefit and examine your long-held beliefs. Not because this experience disproves your beliefs, it certainly doesn't, but because you have the time and perhaps the space to reflect.

The reward is most certainly freedom.

 

[Ruby]

Ruby, my sympathies also.

Based on the recent discussions you've participated in on this board, I agree with those who said you seem to be on something of an intellectual awakening. I would urge you to use this experience to your benefit and examine your long-held beliefs. Not because this experience disproves your beliefs, it certainly doesn't, but because you have the time and perhaps the space to reflect.

The reward is most certainly freedom.

Thanks! It does feel good to just sit back, relax, and reflect.

 

[Ruby]

I was sorry to read about Roadtoad's comment about the Episcopal priest, too. Basically, that just proves that religion has been made by humans, and there are going to be human a**holes in every church that exists, unforuntately.

I have been a lifelong Episcopalian, as Ruby and others here know. There have been very few such a**holes in my experience, and when there were, at least there was a hierarchy to work with in order to deal with the situation. This is why I think it's useful, if one were to want to join a church, to go with a denomination of some size where people (not just clergy, but all church members) can be held accountable for their actions.

---,---'--{@

I am very curious......fascinated really.....with your views and beliefs. Do you consider yourself Unitarian or a liberal Episcopalian?

Have you ever read anything by Bishop Spong? I am currently reading Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism. My hubby just finished reading it..so it's my turn now!!

My hubby was not convinced by everything Spong says, but he is being swayed by it...and is seeking more answers. Some concepts are easier to acccept than others. So far, I really like what I am reading.

 

[Brown]

Have you ever read anything by Bishop Spong? I am currently reading Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism.

Rev. Spong might convince you to give up going to church entirely.

Seriously.

I have read some of his works and have found them to be quite enlightening. He concluded that Christianity can be saved from backward thinking. After reading his books, though, I wasn't so sure about that.

I have to give the guy some credit for at least trying to address some of the most disturbing problems in the faith without insulting his readers' intelligence.

 

[c4ts]

The thing that vexes me most is that tythes are supposed to be a human affair, without divine justification. If your church needs money, tythes are one way to get it. It should be up to them whether or not they should charge people 10% of their land and livestock, not up to God. After all, what use does God have for worldly goods?

 

[thaiboxerken]

I often wonder why people leave the church, but not the gods and deities that the church created.

I guess superstition is harder to let go of than a group of people.