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The Christian side-hug.

I too thought that video was the most bizarre, cringe-inducing, surely-it-must-be-a-parody thing I'd ever seen... until I googled the phrase "side hug," followed a few links, and eventually found "The Big M" by Lust Control. (It's a YouTube vid, but embedding it isn't working for some reason.)

The Side Hug Posse has got nothing on these fundie punks.
 
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What is up with that Lust Control video? Is that poo? Is poo somehow part of their masturbatory fantasies? And as good christians they've chosen to share that with everyone in the world through youtube? That they like poo?

Otherwise, it's brilliant.
 
PogoPedant said:
This is a problem? Too much hugging?

What's next, kids helping old ladies cross the street? Madness.
Click to expand...

Yeah, the hugging bans are baffling to me, too.

Sure, hugging at the drop of a hat is kinda tacky, but do administrators really think that something nefarious is going on?

I can't understand it.
 
Maia said:
Maia's Rules About What Not To Do When Christian Rap Groups Want 'Street Cred':

1.) Avoid having five white guys with no rhythm out front and one very embarassed-looking token black guy in back playing keyboards (maybe another one turning his back so he couldn't be ID'd; it was hard to tell.)

2.) Weird attempts at "Christian gang signs" on the part of aforementioned clueless white boys do not look good.

3.) Ditto for 1999-era random graphics on large screens on the stage.

4.) When white boys can't dance, they shouldn't try.

5.) Don't make videos about "Christian side-hugs" and put them up on YouTube in the first place, as this type of thing tends to confirm the existence of Satan.
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I'm with you, Maia. Rap is stupid and annoying enough, without the Christian white-bread spin. Though I'd like to smack most, if not all, rappers, I can at least understand it as a phenomenon growing out of the black ghetto culture. A bunch of white guys, who probably grew up in the 'burbs and have never had to fear or want for anything in their lives, adds a "snot" factor that makes me want to smack them harder and more often.

Then there's this side-hug crap. I guess the reason Jesus knew Judas was betraying him in the Garden of Gethsemane was that Judas actually KISSED him! If he had been a righteous dude, he would have given J.C. a side-hug.
 
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Enjoying my last nice peaceful restful night off before going back to those thirteen hour days....

Here are some choice tidbits from those lyrics.

Stop! and listen
No front hugs and no kissin'
I ain't that scared to call yo' mama
You'll be ridin' home wit a coma [mimes hitting - others fall down]
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So in other words, if this bad white boy-rapper's girlfriend commits the heinous sin of trying to give him a regular hug and a kiss, he's going to punch her out. Very Christian.

Now, Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
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??????
 
Hug is to side hug as hand-shake is to fist bump. Its about germs, people.
Copping a feel through side-hugging is totally not in the spirit of minimal human contact.
 
Maia said:
Enjoying my last nice peaceful restful night off before going back to those thirteen hour days....

Here are some choice tidbits from those lyrics.



So in other words, if this bad white boy-rapper's girlfriend commits the heinous sin of trying to give him a regular hug and a kiss, he's going to punch her out. Very Christian.
Click to expand...

Yeah dem boys are bringin' back REAL CHRISTian values, dawg!!!

Back when it was def to beats up a girl

fo' no cookin' the grub

fo' no wipin' the plates

fo' no pushin' the vac-uuum in da room

an' 'specilly

fo' dare presentin' her no-no square!!!!

:D

(Yeaaah, please accept my apologies for the above. I know I don't do that whole rap-speak well, and I really don't mean to sound racist, but, come on! I'm sorry, those Christian rappers are really really begging to be made fun of.)
 
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Yo! Yo! Yo! Lis'n up!
Gimme that Christian hand job!
Don't gimme no sob-sob.
This be sumthin' I ain't dissin'
No hugs and no kissin'
We got to keep it pure,
got to know no fear.
If all that fluid's gone,
we can safely party on.
So, gimme that Chritian hand job!
 
From the lyrics:

"I'm a married man
You know I can hold hands
Front hug all day long
With no other demands"

Um, okay, so you save front hugging until the wedding night. I get that--I mean, why buy the cow when you can embrace it for free? But after marriage, there are "no other demands." Where do Christian gangsta babies come from?
 
Lucian said:
From the lyrics:
Um, okay, so you save front hugging until the wedding night.
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Sounds ludicrous I know, but my son had a student teacher in his elementary school (beautiful young lady, btw) who got married last year. She and her fiance' claimed that their first kiss would be at their wedding.

We figure the poor guy must be a terrified homosexual raised in an oppressive fundy family. Either that or they simply lied about not kissing.
 
Can we institute an Atheist grab-hug as an alternative to front-hugs in meetings? You know, just grab whatever you want? It's for balance, really!
 
m_huber said:
Can we institute an Atheist grab-hug as an alternative to front-hugs in meetings? You know, just grab whatever you want? It's for balance, really!
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Well, seeing as how the terrorist fist-bump is already taken....
 
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