I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery
Doesnt apply to anyone alive today
Do not have any other gods before me.You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
Do I implicitly follow this commandment since I have no gods, and therefore no god before Yahweh?
Does anyone still follow this one? The catholics especially sure like their idols.
Either way, Yahweh is losing it a bit here. Sounds like a spoiled child. You can detect Yahweh's roots as a god of war or somesuch.
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name
I mean, really, what does this even mean? How do you misuse a name?
If I accidentally call a friend Yahweh, does that count?
Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
For six days you shall labour and do all your work.
But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns.
For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.
Nobody follows this, except maybe some orthodox jews, and even they find novel ways around this one

Also, I like that slaves get a day off - perhaps Yahweh's time would be better spent speaking out against slavery itself, but he's already outed himself as a jealous prick so what's a little slavery...
Also notice the use of "alien resident". So, already, Yahweh is driving a wedge between those who believe his nonsense, and those who might not. There is an implicit incitement here to stop those guys from working. This may or may not count as work itself, however.
Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you
Another stupid one. Do I have to honour my parents in all cases? What if they are murderous, adulterous, rapists?
You shall not kill/murder.
Self-evident to all societies, and perhaps to all cooperative species. Any society/species that thought murder was ok would have died out long ago.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
You shall not commit adultery
I dont actually see how Yahweh managed to lump this in with murder,stealing and lying, and left out rape, torture, slavery etc. Adultery would be unpleasant, but not exactly a hanging offense. Also, if he hates teh gay so much, why doesnt he add "Thou shalt not lick the carpet" or similar here?
Yahweh is an odd fellow.
Thanks again Captain.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
...... what an odd way to term it, but sure. Anyway, find me someone who has never lied, or indeed doesnt lie regularly.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor
Why the hell not? Thought-crime? Seriously dude? If I think my neighbour's ox is especially nice, I might be motivated to work harder and buy my own. Does anyone actually see any problem with this one at all?
The 10 commandments zig-zag between ultra-vapidity and totally obvious. Some of them might have made sense thousands of years ago, but these days they, and Yahweh himself, are completely irrelevant.