Student Teaching: Am I Supposed to be THIS miserable?

[slingblade]

Under one-party consent laws, as long as I am party to the conversation I am taping, I need no one's consent but mine, and need not notify anyone else present I am taping.

 

[slingblade]

Tsiyvwiyv, thank you, but the students are the least of my problems now.

My morning mentor went ballistic on me, threatened my career, to have me kicked out, and other abusive speech. She's my problem now. The kids have turned out fine, and my classes are going much more smoothly now. But thanks for the advice.

 

[rjh01]

Actually I think if a person goes ballistic they have lost control. One person does that to me. If I offer any resistance she backs down. If you can tape someone going ballistic that would be worth gold. Your reaction is to refuse to take it seriously.

 

[slingblade]

Actually I think if a person goes ballistic they have lost control. One person does that to me. If I offer any resistance she backs down. If you can tape someone going ballistic that would be worth gold. Your reaction is to refuse to take it seriously.

I don't take it personally, as I know she has no reason to behave in such an abusive manner towards anyone, especially not to a student under her mentorship.

But I absolutely take it seriously. No one has the right to abuse me in such a manner and negatively affect my career in this way.

I'm hoping she raises her voice to me again during this meeting, but I'm betting she has her girdle on nice and tight for this one.

 

[Zbu]

I don't take it personally, as I know she has no reason to behave in such an abusive manner towards anyone, especially not to a student under her mentorship.

But I absolutely take it seriously. No one has the right to abuse me in such a manner and negatively affect my career in this way.

I'm hoping she raises her voice to me again during this meeting, but I'm betting she has her girdle on nice and tight for this one.

I'd make special note of how her attitude has changed and with the anger she told you that she would sink her career (or however she said that) as that is not constructive or even mentorly advice. If she thinks that's the way to mentor, then her little head problem/behavioral excuse needs medical leave. That is just not acceptable.

 

[slingblade]

Zbu, I now have 16 single-spaced pages of notes and documentation regarding my entire mentorship, from Jan. 9 to the present. In it, I have detailed how MM keeps me on the defensive by constantly changing her attitude towards me for no apparent reason.

Excerpt:

March 10, 2006: I arrived at XXHS at 7:20 am and entered (Morning Mentor)'s classroom. She greeted me quietly but angrily again, and I returned her greeting in an equally quiet, neutral tone.

I sat down in a student chair, and she asked me if I had plans ready for the week following spring break. I could hear the exhaustion in my tone as I told her I did, but that they were not yet fully formalized, by which I meant they weren’t yet written in my lesson plan book. (I planned to do some research over the break and get some better strategies in line for what I was teaching, so I hadn’t yet put my plans on paper—I don’t have time to waste by writing the same plans twice, but I said none of this to her. These are only my thoughts now, as I document these incidents.)

At this, Mentor turned to me and began yelling at me very loudly, to the point of screaming at me. Her exact words were:

“Don’t get smart with me, missy! I control your career and if you can’t show me a decent work-ethic, I will have you kicked out of this program!”

I responded in a low tone that I would not accept this measure of abuse, and immediately left the classroom. Mentor continued to scream at me as I left the building. I do not know what she said, as I left quickly. (I never meant to be or sound snide or rude to her. I’m tired. I’m confused by her swiftly changing attitudes. I’m on guard, and I could hear and see her anger with me. But I responded quietly. I did not yell, nor did I use sarcasm. I simply and honestly answered her initial question about planning. Then she began yelling, almost screaming. I don’t care what I’ve done; I will not tolerate being yelled at in this manner. She lost control, and I find I now both fear her and am concerned for her, as well.)

Other incidents in which her attitude suddenly changed are documented as well. Does it look all right?

 

[TragicMonkey]

I guess I'm a bad monkey, because I would add "I detected a distinct aroma of bourbon on her person, even though it was not yet 8 a.m."

But then, when I worked as a customer service rep and got angry calls, if the caller was excessively abusive I'd add "customer seemed disoriented and belligerant" into his file, which was company euphemism for "drunk as a skunk" and would mean if he called back to complain about me, he wouldn't be believed.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a bad monkey. It's because I'm not satisfied with just letting karma happen, I have to help it along with added interest.

 

[delphi_ote]

Other incidents in which her attitude suddenly changed are documented as well. Does it look all right?

So far so good.

I'm curious about this instance. How could you tell she was angry when you entered the room?

 

[slingblade]

Because when she is not angry, she looks at me as I enter, she smiles, she says "Good morning" cheerfully, and asks how I am, makes small-talk, etc.

When she is angry or irritated, she says "Good morning" dourly, doesn't look at me, doesn't engage in any small-talk, and uses "avoidance postures," meaning she keeps furniture between us and keeps her back to me, talking over her shoulder at me. She launches immediately into a litany of questions like "So, how did you think 4th hour went yesterday?" This is a signal to me that she thinks it went poorly, but wants to hear me say it first.

That's pretty much how. After spending some 30 years of my life being abused in every way, I can read people, and know immediately when they're angry. I have to know--protective mechanism and all that.

 

[delphi_ote]

Because when she is not angry, she looks at me as I enter, she smiles, she says "Good morning" cheerfully, and asks how I am, makes small-talk, etc.

When she is angry or irritated, she says "Good morning" dourly, doesn't look at me, doesn't engage in any small-talk, and uses "avoidance postures," meaning she keeps furniture between us and keeps her back to me, talking over her shoulder at me. She launches immediately into a litany of questions like "So, how did you think 4th hour went yesterday?" This is a signal to me that she thinks it went poorly, but wants to hear me say it first.

That's pretty much how. After spending some 30 years of my life being abused in every way, I can read people, and know immediately when they're angry. I have to know--protective mechanism and all that.

You might then list the differences in how she receives you. "She seemed angry or upset with me because she didn't greet me like she usually did." If you're trying to convince someone skeptical, they're going to want to know all this isn't just your imagination.

Don't mention the "protection mechanism." Someone without a good understanding of things might judge you.

 

[slingblade]

Okay, thanks!

 

[slingblade]

I don't think there will be any meeting after all.

I just got off the phone with my supervisor. He is making me go to school tomorrow, against what the Education department head told me.

He said my mentor told him I was screaming too, so he doesn't know who to believe.

She's lying.

Anyway, I have to go to school tomorrow and teach. I have to teach the comp classes until Thursday, when my business letter unit ends. I am supposed to then be released to do observation...but after this, I don't know if that condition will be kept, either.

I don't know now if there will be a meeting on Tuesday, or who will attend it.

I'm sitting here shaking, nauseated. I just got screwed.

Later tonight, I will put in a call to my department head and confirm this with her. My supervisor says he is coming to the school to morrow, to sit in my classes as I teach, so I'll "feel more comfortable."

I feel like quitting, and yet I cannot. I feel so trapped.

 

[rjh01]

16 pages is a lot of notes. Good work.

If you can stay calm on your meeting on Tuesday no matter what the provocation then that will be highly impressive. I am very interested in what happens on Tuesday. Good luck. Remember you are a better person than your mentors.

 

[Roadtoad]

I'd agree with this, Sling.

Look, the first thing you have to remember is these people seem fixated on making you quit. That's a load of BS, because they're supposed to be helping you to succeed.

I don't know what their problem is, but the thing to remember is that you can beat this, and you can win. You're not trapped. You're only trapped if you let them trap you.

They don't want to have a meeting? Too bad. Keep looking for an attorney. You deserve to have representation. Talk to the union rep, and ask question after question until you get a solid answer. Make copies of your documentation, and pass it on to the rep. At some point, someone in that union needs to remember that while you're not a member yet, you will be soon.

Surely at some point you have made friends who are teachers. Talk to them, and see if they'll back you up. If you haven't already mentioned your past to the rep, I would discreetly discuss it, and see what comes of it.

There's no reason for them to be pulling this. It's time for this abuse to end, and end now.

 

[slingblade]

Thanks, Roadtoad.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here trying to imagine everything that might come up tomorrow, trying to figure out in advance how I'll react to this possibility or that.

I'm trying to rehearse my attitude, but I'm not even sure what it should be, aside from calm. Absolutely calm. I'm worried about mythology class, because one thing she and I were supposed to do Friday was discuss and plan how I would teach the Aeneid, which I haven't ever really studied. But, of course, we never got to discuss anything Friday. Since I'm leving her classroom completely after Thursday, and since she never wanted me to teach mythology anyway, I have decided not to even try to teach it. I worry that this will make her angry, since she didn't have time to "plan," but I don't think that's my fault.

I have a strong feeling that I will not make it to the end of the week still in this program. My guts are telling me it's over and I just don't know it yet.

Toad, I'll keep trying to find someone to help me. Thanks.

My supervisor doesn't seem happy with me, or as supportive as I'd like. I can't tell if I'm just upset and imagining that, or if it's real.

 

[Beth]

I don't think there will be any meeting after all.

I just got off the phone with my supervisor. He is making me go to school tomorrow, against what the Education department head told me.

He called you at home on Sunday afternoon! What's up with that?

He said my mentor told him I was screaming too, so he doesn't know who to believe.

She's lying.

If he doesn't know who to believe, what he'll likely do is go by his past history with each of you. Which story is more consistent with his past experiences with the two of you? Hopefully, he'll conclude you are the one more likely to be giving the truth of the matter. Has he seen you screaming? Heard other similar stories from other peope about you? Probably not. But you are not the only one with such complaints about your mm. You are the one with the history of staying calm. She is not.

Anyway, I have to go to school tomorrow and teach. I have to teach the comp classes until Thursday, when my business letter unit ends. I am supposed to then be released to do observation...but after this, I don't know if that condition will be kept, either.

I don't know now if there will be a meeting on Tuesday, or who will attend it.

I'm sitting here shaking, nauseated. I just got screwed.

My suspicion is that your mm was on the phone with your supervisor and precipitated this call to you about it. That means she's worried about having the meeting, which is a good sign that you are likely to win your case. Try not to let the changes demoralize you. WHen you get your chance to present your case, it will likely go your way.

Later tonight, I will put in a call to my department head and confirm this with her. My supervisor says he is coming to the school to morrow, to sit in my classes as I teach, so I'll "feel more comfortable."

I feel like quitting, and yet I cannot. I feel so trapped.

Believe or it not, that could turn out to be a good thing. Because it is so difficult to quit, you are forced to fight it out. You can win this! I'm wishing the best of luck to you next week.

Beth

 

[slingblade]

I just talked to my department head, and while she seemed a little more sympathetic, her basic instructions to me were to do whatever I have to do to get through.

No, she has not spoken to my supervisor today, but she is aware of the various plans he has come up with for me to transition out of the classroom. I told her we had decided I would finish my unit on business letters, and then leave her classroom completely, to do observation in other classrooms in the morning. I'm still teaching the one class in the afternoons for the rest of the semester, but the other teacher will be doing all the planning.

So, that's what I have to do. I can't afford an attorney, and while I will ask the union what they advise, they've already told me their services are for members only. I'm going to ask anyway. I'll deal with it, I guess. What else can I do?

It's okay. If nothing else, I'll just go back to school and get a different degree.

 

[slingblade]

He called you at home on Sunday afternoon! What's up with that?

No, he asked me a few days ago to call him on Sunday. There were supposed to be two meetings: one at my college, between Supervisor, Dept. Head, and me, and one at the school between my mentors, me, him, and the principal.

As far as I know, neither meeting was arranged. He and I did discuss my "exit strategy" of finishing my unit and then leaving her classes altogether for observation.

If he doesn't know who to believe, what he'll likely do is go by his past history with each of you. Which story is more consistent with his past experiences with the two of you? Hopefully, he'll conclude you are the one more likely to be giving the truth of the matter. Has he seen you screaming? Heard other similar stories from other peope about you? Probably not. But you are not the only one with such complaints about your mm. You are the one with the history of staying calm. She is not.

Oh, no such luck. He's seen me cry a couple of times. He says he understands what provokes it, but I can tell he thinks less of me for it.

Believe or it not, that could turn out to be a good thing. Because it is so difficult to quit, you are forced to fight it out. You can win this! I'm wishing the best of luck to you next week.

Beth

Thanks, Beth. I'll try my best.

 

[rjh01]

Oh, no such luck. He's seen me cry a couple of times. He says he understands what provokes it, but I can tell he thinks less of me for it.

But has he (or other witnesses) ever actually seen you scream at students, teachers or other people?

Actually you can use the fact that you cry to your advantage. It is a symptom of the stress you are under. It is one point to raise with your lawyer. And if he starts drooling at this point it is not because he has rabies.

 

[wollery]

But has he (or other witnesses) ever actually seen you scream at students, teachers or other people?

Actually you can use the fact that you cry to your advantage. It is a symptom of the stress you are under. It is one point to raise with your lawyer. And if he starts drooling at this point it is not because he has rabies.

Seconded, it shows that you react to stress by getting sad, not angry.