There is no impertinence, especially if it leads to an experiment.
Beady, and all, it's okay to ask questions that might seem rude in ordinary conversation. I've offered myself up here as a survivor of (falsely-named) spontaneous human combustion, so none of these questions strike me as offensive.
I have very little body hair, except in the usual places. What body hair I do have is invisible to the naked eye. Even looking with a magnifying glass, it's sparse and very fine. Not much fuel for a fire.
I'm thinking of an experiment.
I have an old pillowcase that has tatting (fine crocheting) around the edges, done by a great-grandmother. The pillow case is basically a rag, but the tatting has sentimental value. I'm going to remove the tatting and pour some oily body lotion on the pillow case. The fabric is from the 1920s, so it's natural fiber and not chemically treated with flame retardants. It's also about the same weight as the shirt was. I'll let it set for a few days soaking up the body lotion, just as a dirty shirt would in the laundry hamper. Then I'll wash it by itself in the washing machine, dry it, and let it hang in the closet for a day or two.
I'll buy a chicken, warm it to room temperature, and then soak it for a while in hot water -- shower temperature. That'll warm up the chicken's body. I'll dry it thoroughly, using toweling and a hairdryer to make sure there's no excess moisture in the body folds and cavity. Then I'll rub the wings and legs with soy oil to simulate rubbing myself down with body lotion.
I'm as hairless as a plucked chicken, and my back is no more fat than a chicken's back ... maybe less so. A chicken's back has two nice little chucks of meat (muscle) which would nicely simulate the amount of muscle on my back. My skin isn't as thick as a chicken's skin, and I don't think I have as much subcutaneous fat as a chicken does. But it's the best I can come up with.
I will heat the house to around 75 degrees F, which was about the temp on that fine June morning. I'll spash some Old Spice into my hands and rub it on me in the usual manner and then dry my hands on the pillowcase.
The chicken will go inside the pillowcase, just as I went inside the large, loose, shirt. I'll use a tool of some kind to set the chicken upright, so it's simulating a human standing on two legs. Those kitchen tools can be bought for less than ten dollars and I've wanted one anyway.
The dressed chicken will go into a cast iron frying pan and the pan will go inside the fireplace. Safety first.
I'll then try various methods of lighting the pillowcase on fire. I'll do my best to set that pillow case aflame. Then we'll see if the chicken catches fire or gets some serious burns. I'll time the whole thing.
At the end of the experiment, if the chicken is not burned to cinders, I'll wash it in salt water, cook it and feed it to some poor unsuspecting person who will wonder what that wonderful marinade is.
A pig in a blanket would have more chance of catching on fire, I think. The blanket offers more external fuel than a thin shirt and pigs have a thick layer of fat. They do. I don't. I have body fat in the usual female places. The lower back is not one of those places.
Any comments or suggestions to improve the chicken in the pillowcase experiment?
It's snowing here today so it will be a long time before I can play with mirrors and summer sunlight again. As you can probably tell, I'm less concerned about how the shirt caught on fire than I am about how I went up in flames.
However, both issues remain unresolved in my mind right now.