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So apparently I'm going to hell...

skeptiform5 said:
Pot Smoking: Nope
Cigarette Smoking: Do cigars and pipes count?
Alcohol Drinking: Guilty!
Guitar Playing: Guilty... but I sucked at it.
Having a Tattoo: Nope
Showing Cleavage: Hey! I can't help it if I can't wear a V-neck!
Showing Bellybuttons: Why?
Girls Showing Their Knees: N/A
Girls Showing Their Elbows: N/A
Girls Wearing Tight Pants: N/A
Girls Wearing Miniskirts: N/A But I'm looking into buying some kilts.
Being Blond: Guilty mein fuhrer!
Being Fat: Hey! I've got genetic predisposition for weight gain!
Cursing: You :curse bet your :curse!
Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage: Yes...
Holding Hands before Marriage: Yes...
Groping Breast before Marriage: Oh hell YAH! :D
Having Premarital Sex: Errrrrr.... no. :(
Masturbation: Errrrrr... yes. :(
Having Anal Sex: I can't get into the front door, what makes you think I'm going to get in the back?
Having Oral Sex: Giving or receiving?
Being Homosexual: I can't get women to look at me, what makes you think that guys are going to want me?
Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest): OK, you're a fracking idiot! There! It was worth it.
Being Selfish: MINE!
Playing Sports: Please, I'm a nerd.
Women Working: N/A
Watching BET: No problem there.
Watching MTV: Not since they stopped playing music videos.
Watching VH1: See MTV
Watching TNT: Not since they stopped showing Babylon 5.
Associating With Hollywood: Yeah right!
Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll: "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners have much more fun!"
Believing in Evolution: Are belief in gravity and the heliocentric model of the solar system also mortal sins?
Being Catholic: I assume being a former Catholic isn't going to get me off the hook?
Being Jewish: Oy vey, no.
Being Buddhist: Nope.
Being Methodist: Nope.
Being Protestant: Wait, Assemblies of God isn't a protestant denomination?
Being Mormon: So much for South Park.
Being Muslim: Nope.
Being Hindu: Nope.
Being Agnostic: So not knowing whether there is a God is a Hell-worthy sin?
Being Atheist: AND DAMN FRAKING PROUD OF IT, YOU BIBLE-HUMPING BASTARD!
Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin): N/A, but, given the numbers of women who have ever lived, I stand a better chance at getting a date in Perdition than on Earth.
Being In a Sorority or Fraternity: I was as unpopular in college as I was in high school.
Owning a Pet: Guilty!
Sin, Have Sinned, or Plan on Sinning in the Future.: So you're guilty until proven guilty?
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skeptiform5 said:
Now for the big question... Who isn't going to hell?
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I'd rather face all the terrors of Hell than all of the alleged "pleasures" (i.e. praising and singing hymns to their god for all eternity) of heaven. Better to be damned than be one of Yahweh's ass kissers.
 
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I noticed that divorce isn't on his list. Wouldn't want to scare away your base.

Steve S
 
Xephyr said:
I would much rather rot in hell sitting around having tea with the likes of Albert Einstein and Carl Sagan, than sitting in heaven with bible-thumping-holier-than-thou proselytizers.

Send me to hell in a handbasket, thank you very much.
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You won't be laughing so much when you're burning!

Goddamn atheists... with their logic and reasoning... but they'll see! Not being a good person will have its consequences and I'll be laughing my S off, throwing heaven-stuff rocks at them...

I bet Albert Einstein is in Heaven now because, if you don't know you'll be knowing soon, Albert Einstein was IN FACT a theist. He even went to church. Everyone knows this, you goddamn atheists are the ones who say that Einstein was an atheist. Read this quotes from him, he made many references to God in his life:

"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish."
"God always takes the simplest way."
"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties, He integrates empirically."
"God does not play dice."
"God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean."
And my favorite:
"I want to know all God's thoughts; all the rest are just details."

He also made references to how he believed in God:
"I do believe in the God of theology who rewards good and punishes evil."
"Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God. Because God is everything."
And a great summary quote:
"That deep emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God. As revealed in the Bible."

So... you know... you won't be laughing so much while Satan stabs his trident through your eyes and forces you to watch and I laugh!!!

(I guess this would be your typical christian answer...) :cool:
 
skeptiform5 said:
I have been invited by my friend to a group on facebook called 'so apparently I'm going to hell' which has a list of reasons ,stated by Mr. Micah Armstrong originally of the Assembly of God Church in Miami, of why you can go to hell they include:
X Pot Smoking
X Cigarette Smoking (only a few times, many years ago)
X Alcohol Drinking
Guitar Playing (I guess it's just guitars, not piano or clarinet, so I'm clear)
Having a Tattoo
Showing Cleavage (not applicable to my gender)
X Showing Bellybuttons (When I swim)
Girls Showing Their Knees
Girls Showing Their Elbows
Girls Wearing Tight Pants
Girls Wearing Miniskirts
Being Blond (So, if you're blond, can you get to heaven by dyine your hair?)
X Being Fat
X Cursing
X Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage
X Holding Hands before Marriage
X Groping Breast before Marriage
X Having Premarital Sex
XXXXXX Masturbation
Having Anal Sex
X Having Oral Sex
Being Homosexual
X Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest)
X Being Selfish
X Playing Sports
Women Working
Watching BET
X Watching MTV
X Watching VH1
X Watching TNT
Associating With Hollywood
X Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll
X Believing in Evolution
Being Catholic
Being Jewish
Being Buddhist
Being Methodist
X Being Protestant (not for a long time)
Being Mormon
Being Muslim
Being Hindu
X Being Agnostic
Being Atheist
Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin)
Being In a Sorority or Fraternity
XXXXXXX Owning a Pet
X Sin, X Have Sinned, or X Plan on Sinning in the Future.
Now for the big question... Who isn't going to hell?
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Being blond is the strangest on the list. So the question is, if you're blond, can you escape by dying your hair, or should you just have lots of fun, because you're going to hell no matter what?
 
CORed said:
Being blond is the strangest on the list. So the question is, if you're blond, can you escape by dying your hair, or should you just have lots of fun, because you're going to hell no matter what?
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.
Think of all the Scandanavians we're going to share Hell with!
And all those "bikini team" girls!
Lust!!!!
 
Pedro De Mello said:
Wow.. congratulations!!! You beat us all!

Just one question... hope you don't take me wrong...

You're... catholic? :confused:
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I WAS Catholic at one point. Then my parents joined an OT fundy cult and we lived via Chick Tract fearmongering for many years, then my slide through agnosticism into atheism. So yes, I was Catholic.

Didn't you ever hear the stories about catholic schoolgirls? ;)
 
Nursefoxfire said:
I WAS Catholic at one point. Then my parents joined an OT fundy cult and we lived via Chick Tract fearmongering for many years, then my slide through agnosticism into atheism. So yes, I was Catholic.

Didn't you ever hear the stories about catholic schoolgirls? ;)
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Those shiny patent leather shoes they couldn't wear to school, so that us lustful boys who had no idea of what a twat would look like anyway couldn't see theirs?
 
Time to tally them up:

Pot Smoking Yes
Cigarette Smoking no
Alcohol Drinking Yes
Guitar Playing Oh hell yes!
Having a Tattoo No
Showing Cleavage No
Showing Bellybuttons NO
Girls Showing Their Knees No
Girls Showing Their Elbows No
Girls Wearing Tight Pants No
Girls Wearing Miniskirts No
Being Blond No
Being Fat I like to eat
Cursing Oh hell yeah!
Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage You know it
Holding Hands before Marriage Yep
Groping Breast before Marriage Whenever I could
Having Premarital Sex You betcha
Masturbation Too much
Having Anal Sex Yep
Having Oral Sex Of course
Being Homosexual No
Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest) Sure
Being Selfish Occasionally
Playing Sports Whenever I can
Women Working My wife works
Watching BET No
Watching MTV Back when they actually showed music videos
Watching VH1 See above
Watching TNT Yes
Associating With Hollywood Does loving their movies count?
Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll Love rock, spent many a year playing in bar bands
Believing in Evolution Absolutely
Being Catholic No
Being Jewish No
Being Buddhist No
Being Methodist No
Being Protestant No
Being Mormon No
Being Muslim No
Being Hindu No
Being Agnostic No
Being Atheist Yes
Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin) No
Being In a Sorority or Fraternity No
Owning a Pet Yes
Sin, Have Sinned, or Plan on Sinning in the Future. As much as I can

Looks like I'm on a highway to hell as well. :)
 
Pedro De Mello said:
What stories exactly? :D
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I do have stories from when I was a Catholic schoolgirl, but I'm not so sure they're the kind of stories anyone wants to hear. For instance, there were all those times when we'd be stuck in class with Sister Marie Clothilde forcing us to write saint reports, droning away about St. Rose of Lima, who slept on broken crockery to mortify her soul and rubbed pepper on her face so that her beauty would not be a temptation to men. Sr. MC weighed about 300 lbs. and wore the full habit (even though this was long, long after Vatican II,) complete with a wimple squishing her face, and had keys, crucifix, and various scary things jingling at her belt. She always carried a ruler, and you could tell she was just itching to slap kids' hands with it (but didn't quite dare, it being very post-Vatican II and all.)

But you know, come to think of it, she used to talk about how you were supposed to pray to various saints in order to get things... that's idolatrous... so I guess she's going to hell too. She's still going to yell at me about that stapler she thinks I stole.
 
That reads like a "things to do before I turn 19" list I would written in the 1980's.

All it needs is a scoring rubric.
 
So apparently I am going to hell ......

On facebook, someone started a group which states many of the reasons you could go to hell (they did this for humor's sake), some off them include:

Pot Smoking
Cigarette Smoking
Alcohol Drinking
Guitar Playing
Having a Tattoo
Showing Cleavage
Showing Bellybuttons
Girls Showing Their Knees
Girls Showing Their Elbows
Girls Wearing Tight Pants
Girls Wearing Miniskirts
Being Blonde
Being Fat
Cursing
Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage
Holding Hands before Marriage
Groping Breast before Marriage
Having Premarital Sex
Masturbation
Having Anal Sex
Having Oral Sex
Being Homosexual
Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest)
Being Selfish
Playing Sports
Women Working
Watching BET
Watching MTV
Watching VH1
Watching TNT
Associating With Hollywood
Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll
Believing in Evolution
Being Catholic
Being Jewish
Being Buddhist
Being Methodist
Being Protestant
Being Mormon
Being Muslim
Being Hindu
Being Agnostic
Being Atheist
Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin)
Being In a Sorority or Fraternity
Owning a Pet
Sin, Have Sinned, or Plan on Sinning in the Future



Ok then...... How many of those have you guys done? Honestly, some of these are absolutely stupid! And where is murder on the list?
Anyway, this should be interesting.

P.S. I have done 23 of those and the last one over a million times.
 
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