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So apparently I'm going to hell...

Fnord said:
This is an old joke, but somehow appropriate...

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians.

:D
Click to expand...

:rofl:
 
Lolly said:
Can we get started on organizing the supplies we'll need? I'd like to bring my dogs and cats, if that's ok with everyone. Who's bringing the beer?
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Bad news, apparently All Dogs Go to Heaven, except in the following cases:

Premarital humping
Same-sex humping
Flirtatious, premarital tail-wagging
Licking naughty bits (of self or others)
Putting nose in inappropriate places
Fetching a frisbee or tennis ball
Rolling on back to display tummy
Being spayed or neutered (if God had wanted 'em to be eunuchs, he'd've made 'em eunuchs)
All bitches (for it was a bitch that first ate of the Snausage of the Box of Knowledge of Good-Dog and Bad-Dog)

Cats don't give a toss what some guy says: they'll go where they like.
 
Lucian said:
except in the following cases:
Click to expand...
Well then, mine qualify to accompany me to hell on all aspects (except my boy misses the bitch part)

Lucian said:
Cats don't give a toss what some guy says: they'll go where they like.
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I'll bring the liver treats and they'll like coming along with the rest of us.

So, that's sorted, it's a full house of hell-goers for me..:clap:
 
The Atheist said:
That's what I'm trying to figure.

Is it like the 10 commandoes where if you break more, you do more time in purgatory/hell?

Pretty sure I can go 34.
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Ooh, I'd love to go see a movie based on the 10 CommanDoes! "They're sultry, they're sexy, and they're sinful! But you'll never see them coming!"

Coming soon to DVD.
 
The Atheist said:
That's what I'm trying to figure.

Is it like the 10 commandoes where if you break more, you do more time in purgatory/hell?

Pretty sure I can go 34.
Click to expand...

jhunter1163 said:
Wait a minute. Being Catholic AND being Protestant are both on the list? This means that all Christians go to Hell. As I understand it, if you're not Catholic you are, by definition, Protestant.

Gonna be a lot of people on the Hellevator.
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No no no, don't you see? There's those heathen catholics and the godless Protestants. But neither group has never been BORN AGAIN UNTO THE LORD!!!

Let's face is, this whole thing is just the usual "everyone is going to hell unless you accept my own personal vision of Jebus and do as I say and give me your money."
 
jhunter1163 said:
Wait a minute. Being Catholic AND being Protestant are both on the list? This means that all Christians go to Hell. As I understand it, if you're not Catholic you are, by definition, Protestant.

Gonna be a lot of people on the Hellevator.
Click to expand...

Maybe Eastern Orthodox and Coptic get a pass?
 
Lolly said:
Can we get started on organizing the supplies we'll need? I'd like to bring my dogs and cats, if that's ok with everyone. Who's bringing the beer?
Click to expand...


I'm sure at least one of my dogs is now running hell, so yours are certainly welcome too. I'll bring more beer as long as someone saves me a seat.
 
skeptiform5 said:
. . . a list of reasons ,stated by Mr. Micah Armstrong originally of the Assembly of God Church in Miami, of why you can go to hell they include:
Pot Smoking
Cigarette Smoking
Alcohol Drinking
Guitar Playing
Having a Tattoo
Showing Cleavage
Showing Bellybuttons
Girls Showing Their Knees
Girls Showing Their Elbows
Girls Wearing Tight Pants
Girls Wearing Miniskirts
Being Blond
Being Fat
Cursing
Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage
Holding Hands before Marriage
Groping Breast before Marriage
Having Premarital Sex
Masturbation
Having Anal Sex
Having Oral Sex
Being Homosexual
Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest)
Being Selfish
Playing Sports
Women Working
Watching BET
Watching MTV
Watching VH1
Watching TNT
Associating With Hollywood
Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll
Believing in Evolution
Being Catholic
Being Jewish
Being Buddhist
Being Methodist
Being Protestant
Being Mormon
Being Muslim
Being Hindu
Being Agnostic
Being Atheist
Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin)
Being In a Sorority or Fraternity
Owning a Pet
Sin, Have Sinned, or Plan on Sinning in the Future.
Now for the big question... Who isn't going to hell?
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No, you see the reason you're going to hell is that time God caught you picking your nose.
 
According to this guy I am too.
You all realize this is the extremist point of view, more like fanatical?

I’m taking stuff with me and my dog qualifies; couples of seeds and big handcart, baskets are too small!
Oh ya a big bottle of the Captain Morgan rum… hell a couple of cases.
There’ll be plenty of women there, so no free rides on my cart.
 
skeptiform5 said:
I have been invited by my friend to a group on facebook called 'so apparently I'm going to hell' which has a list of reasons ,stated by Mr. Micah Armstrong originally of the Assembly of God Church in Miami, of why you can go to hell they include:
*snipped: Most human activites *
Now for the big question... Who isn't going to hell?
Click to expand...

Actually, to be fair: Provided the quotation is accurate, the good pastor does not state that those activities will take you to hell, only that they can. So apparantly, if you repent (and, I shouldn't be surprised at all, contribute financially to his church :rolleyes: ), you may exchage your downstairs ticket for an upstairs one.

I'm a little puzzled about how someone repents being female, but I suppose you might at least regret it......:dio:

Rather sick, all of it. :nope:


Hans
 
Well, I think I've done everything on that list that doesn't actually have a gender prerequisite.

Except for the tattoo.

Mental note: make appointment for tattoo.
 
arthwollipot said:
Well, I think I've done everything on that list that doesn't actually have a gender prerequisite.

Except for the tattoo.

Mental note: make appointment for tattoo.
Click to expand...

Note that piercings are absent from the list. Yay, me! I have piercings but no tattoos. I am still debating a tongue piercing but it is painful and slow healing so not top of my list.

Oh, forgot about those other dozen or two things. Darn... :mgduh:eusa_pray:;)
 
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