The Conspiracy - a fly on the wall
Mr. X: Welcome gentlemen. Some of you have already been briefed and the others can find details of The Plan in the dossier before you. This meeting is being recorded and will be transcribed for our secret records. Per PNAC policy, we will be using our code names today in case the room is bugged or if the recording were to fall into enemy hands.
Mr. Pink: Code names? Why do we have to use our code names? I hate my code name.
Mr. X: We’ve been over this before, Mr. Pink. Everyone has a color, selected randomly.
Mr. Pink: Why can’t we pick our own colors? I’ve always wanted to be Mr. Purple.
Mr. X: We tried that before and everyone started bickering over who was going to be Mr. Black. It isn’t worth the aggravation. You are Mr. Pink, you’re going to stay Mr. Pink and I don’t want to hear another word about it!
Mr. Pink: Oh, fine.
Mr. X: Now, if you open your dossier to the first page you will see a brief synopsis of The Plan.
Mr. Pink (reading): …Are you ****ing serious? You want to start a war… by blowing up the World Trade Center?
Mr. X: Yes, but if you read beyond the first paragraph you’ll see that the Plan entails more than just that.
Mr. Pink: How did you dream up a crazy stunt like this?
Mr. X: I’m glad you asked. I happened to be browsing through some old declassified files one evening when I came across a document called Operation Northwood, which you’ll find a copy of in the Appendences. You’ll see that it was rather modest in scope but it had some rather intriguing elements. Of course that pussy, Kennedy, never implemented it.
Mr. Orange (snickering): We taught that guy a lesson, didn’t we? (high-fives with Mr. Red, sitting next to him)
Mr. Pink: Uh, you want to fill the World Trade Center with college students, blow it up and blame the Cubans? ….Can they be Berkley college students?
Mr. X: Nooo, the plan is to fake a terrorist attack on four prominent US targets, using four hijacked airliners, and then use it as an excuse to further our agenda by declaring war on pretty much anyone we want! We’ve selected both towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, the Pentagon and the White House.
Mr. Brown: Excuse me, but I’ve received word from the White House and they are not particularly thrilled about being on the target list. I’ve been told that Mrs. Bush just finished redecorating the east wing and they are very concerned about domestic fallout, if you know what I mean. They suggest we cancel that portion of the plan or select a new target.
Mr. X: Hmmm, it’s a little late to be switching targets now and I do so hate to cancel….
Mr. Brown: How about we just shoot the plane down and say they intended to hit the White House? That should be nearly as effective, particularly if we play up the human tragedy angle.
Mr. White: How about tearful last phone calls to loved ones from the doomed passengers on their cell phones? We could prerecord those so they sound suitably gut-wrenching and authentic!
Mr. Orange: …and a heroic but ill-fated last stand by the passengers. The public will go ape-**** over a drama like that!
Mr. X: Fantastic ideas, gentlemen! Truly diabolical.
Mr. Pink: You know, the last time I tried to use my cell phone in flight it didn’t work very well.
Mr. X: Don’t worry about things like that! We’ll figure out some sort of explanation later.
Mr. Pink (intently reading the dossier): It’s not really clear - are we going to crash real airliners with real passengers or are we going to fake it?
Mr. X: The plan is to fake the Pentagon flight. Mr. White has acquired a nifty cruise missile which we’ve painted with the American Airline colors. It should do the trick.
Mr. Pink: Are we doing this operation at night?
Mr. X: No, in broad daylight.
Mr. Pink: Won’t hundreds of people see the cruise missile? Won’t we need authentic looking wreckage? Won’t the crash site be investigated? You know, not everyone shares our views or even likes us. Some pretty powerful people are going to be pretty powerfully pissed about this!
Mr. X: Mr. Pink, what is with all these questions?! We’re all big picture men here. The details are for subordinates. Don’t worry, someone will handle it.
Mr. Brown: Oh, that reminds me. Some of the guys are starting to get cold feet about the Pentagon hit. They have friends there.
Mr. X: Damn it, Mr. Brown. We are not changing two plans!
Mr. Brown: How about we at least hit the side that they just reinforced? That will reduce some of the damage. We can reprogram the missile and I’ll tell our buddies to move their offices to the other side or go fishing that day.
Mr. X (waves his hand dismissively): Whatever.
(Mr. Pink raises his hand)
Mr. X (exasperated): Yes, Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: I’m reading here that you intend to fly a jet airliner into each of the twin towers so they will completely collapse.
Mr. X: Yes.
Mr. Pink: Will that happen? I mean, can an airliner really take down a building like that?
Mr. X (a mischievous smile across his face): It doesn’t matter.
Mr. Pink: Eh?
Mr. Orange (impatiently): God man, can’t you read? Page 76 - we’re going to secretly plant explosive charges to bring ‘em down. Controlled Dem-o-lition! (high-fives with Mr. Red, again.)
(Mr. Pink’s face gets beet-red. It looks like he is going to have an aneurism.)
Mr. Pink: Forgive me for asking but …are you all ****ing deranged? The logistics of an operation like that are immense! How can we keep it secret? Not to mention that you’re planning a controlled demolition that will be filmed and seen by the entire freakin’ world! How on earth can we get away with that?
Mr. Yellow: People are sheep, they’re stupid. Our damage control unit will manage the aftermath - threats, bribes, the usual. Most people will believe what we tell them to believe. The rest?….. (shrugs)
(Mr. Pink gets up, walks over to Mr. Yellow and starts to rap him angrily on the head.)
Mr. Pink: Hellooo, McFlyyy!!! If we get caught we won’t just go to jail, we’ll be executed, you dick! Starting wars and jacking up the defense budget are great things but not if you’re taking lethal injection! You jack-asses have concocted a scheme that even a retarded high-school reject would never believe!
Mr. Brown: Wanna bet?
Mr. Green: While we’re on the subject, is it too late to add building seven to the list? There is an interested party who would like to see that building go down also if it isn’t too much trouble.
Mr. Pink (nearly beside himself): Oh sure, building seven. Where is building seven? (Rifles through his dossier until he comes across a map of the World Trade Center Complex) Beautiful! Marvelous! And how will we explain building seven? What if no debris hits it? Will you pull it anyways for no apparent reason or leave it intact with all those demolition charges exposed?
Mr. Orange: Pink, I’m getting tired of your attitude! You’ve got to think optimistically. Reach for the brass ring! After all we have a long and glorious history of conspiracies and secrets and this will be just one more to the list. How about that alien spacecraft we’ve got in Area 51, eh? Answer me that smart-boy!
(Mr. Pink grabs Mr. Orange by the shirt collar and lifts roughly him to his feet.)
Mr. Pink: There is no alien spacecraft, you moron. Never was.
(Mr. Orange looks to Mr. X, who slowly shakes his head.)
Mr. Orange (sheepishly): Well….
Mr. X (coughs): Well! I think that Mr. Pink has brought up some valid points which we’ll have to discuss at another time. In the meantime please read your dossier before destroying it. And noooo leaking to the press! We are PNAC. And PNAC backwards spells EVIL. (Maniacal laughter from around the room.)
Mr. Pink: No-it-does-not!
Mr. X: Oh, shut-up.