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God Created Bigfoot

William Parcher

Show me the monkey!
William Parcher
Joined
Jul 26, 2005
Messages
27,472
God Created Bigfoot

Looking at our world with a Biblical basis...

Our team is located in Southern Ohio. We perform the majority of our research in Clermont County, Brown County, Adams County, and Scioto County. You do not have to live in Southern Ohio to become a member of the God Created Bigfoot research team.

Mission Statement ~

1. To support the church by helping Christians refute the compromise of God's Word.
2. To support the research of this elusive creature known as Bigfoot.
3. To bring accountability to men as found in Proverbs 27:17

According to the account written in Genesis, man sinned against God and thus was cursed to death. You can see this today when you are out investigating Bigfoot sightings. Have a nice time getting stung by wasps, bitten by snakes, and possibly attacked by an animal with fangs or claws. This is all due to the fall of man found in the book of Genesis. We do not live in a nice pretty lovely perfect world but instead live in a cursed world. See Genesis chapter 3 and know that we deserve all of the trouble we receive on earth because of our sin against God. We are all doomed to die and our only hope is salvation through Jesus Christ. Call out to Jesus if you need to be saved.
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Hm. Seems like it's not that hard to avoid most of those cursed bug and animal attacks. Not to mention brambles.
 
steve s said:
I thought they were already using "behemoth" to mean the dinosaurs.
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Reminds me of some "evangelic school" programme I saw once.


Small children, elementary age, were singing:

"Behemoth was a dinosaur, a dinosaur was he..."


I thought the behemoth in the bible was more like a giant armadillo, though.
 
According to the account written in Genesis, man sinned against God and thus was cursed to death. You can see this today when you are out investigating Bigfoot sightings. Have a nice time getting stung by wasps, bitten by snakes, and possibly attacked by an animal with fangs or claws. This is all due to the fall of man found in the book of Genesis. We do not live in a nice pretty lovely perfect world but instead live in a cursed world. See Genesis chapter 3 and know that we deserve all of the trouble we receive on earth because of our sin against God. We are all doomed to die and our only hope is salvation through Jesus Christ. Call out to Jesus if you need to be saved.
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Looks to me like this god person is a bit of an extortionist. He makes our lives bad for no particular reason but the only way to make them better is to call his son. That's quite a racket!!!
 
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And it goes from the absurd to the sublime in one paragraph.

Yes, of course, turning the Bible into the 'engine' of the Southern Ohio Bigfoot Chase™ can only help, right? I mean, it's GOD for heaven's sake (nyuk nyuk). Why didn't we think of that before? :eye-poppi

Mighty Lord JESUS! I know I'm a sinner 'cause I read it on the Southern Ohio Bigfoot site, but I really need to know the Bigfoot truth. What is the answer my lord?

Praise GOD!

<crickets>

Amen!

<crickets>
 
Beautiful stuff. I am starting Flyfishing for Lake Monsters. Get leaches on your junk, mosquito bites, and float your hat at the Green Cottage, call out for Jeebus if you find aspirating water painful.
 
According to the account written in Genesis, man sinned against God and thus was cursed to death. You can see this today when you are out investigating Bigfoot sightings. Have a nice time getting stung by wasps, bitten by snakes, and possibly attacked by an animal with fangs or claws. This is all due to the fall of man found in the book of Genesis. We do not live in a nice pretty lovely perfect world but instead live in a cursed world. See Genesis chapter 3 and know that we deserve all of the trouble we receive on earth because of our sin against God. We are all doomed to die and our only hope is salvation through Jesus Christ. Call out to Jesus if you need to be saved.
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Can of wasp spray to protect oneself from getting stung: $7

Ruger .357 to protect oneself from getting ripped to shreds by some animal with fangs and/or claws: $400

Evolving for thousands of years to a point where we are no longer an intellectually stymied colony of religiocentric autophobes who blindly and obsessively depend upon a forever slighted(yet all forgiving) divine creator to save the "good faithful followers" amongst us from some eternal damnation: Priceless.
 
Actually, it seems to me like there's an even more ironic twist in there: "You can see this today when you are out investigating Bigfoot sightings. Have a nice time getting stung by wasps, bitten by snakes, and possibly attacked by an animal with fangs or claws."

... so, basically, if I'm not a dumbass chasing a hoax, I'm safe(r) from that, right? :p

"This is all due to the fall of man found in the book of Genesis. We do not live in a nice pretty lovely perfect world but instead live in a cursed world. See Genesis chapter 3 and know that we deserve all of the trouble we receive on earth because of our sin against God."

... but those who go looking for Bigfoot get a harder kick in the pants for that sin? Is the Lord trying to tell us something there? :p
 
WE GONNA FIND THAT THERE BIGFOOT AND PRAY FOR THE MUTHA!

angry_face.jpg
 
Zep said:
WE GONNA FIND THAT THERE BIGFOOT AND PRAY FOR THE MUTHA!

[qimg]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_llE-oULjhVY/S9GJMiSrG1I/AAAAAAAAAIk/e_JjhLLM6Jg/s1600/angry_face.jpg[/qimg]
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Their God didn't create Bigfoot,
Bigfoot is a Mormon
:D
 
So before Eve (evil WOMAN that she was) ate the fruit, seduced Adam, and forever cursed humankind (we should really find a way to get back at all women for her transgression, btw), there were no plants with thorns and no animals with sharp teeth, claws, or stingers? I don't recall anything from Genesis stating that on the 8th day God - in his all-forgiving wrath - affixed pointy bits on many of his creations such as to cause pain for the sons of Adam . . .

Why do these nutjobs think that "historical science" has ignored bigfoot such that it doesn't appear in secular textbooks? They claim that bigfoot is just another animal like all the others.
 
On the 1st day, Jeebus' Father created heaven and the earth, he was tired, but before his TV dinner, and after his daily pair of Kessler's on the rocks, he got a 2nd wind, it was during this second wind he created secret hiding places and dimensional portals to keep the Bigfoots from being discovered by the humans he was planning on creating in a couple days.
 
kitakaze said:
That's excellent, SweatyYeti. A typical Bible turkey response to facts that don't gel with their storybook. Who needs thinking? We can just snap our fingers and say God did it. So the Earth is 6000 years old, right? Or did they screw that one up?

Maybe instead of giving us Christian nonsense, you can explain why, if their is a thinking mind behind DNA and evolution, that the vast majority of life's 3.8 billion year history on Earth has been spent as single cell organisms? Was that this God of yours attempt at irony? Did he have a thing for bacteria where he was really obsessed with it for basically nearly the entire history of the planet that he caused to coalesce from gas and dust?
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Bigfoot Blogger

At the end of our previous segment Al (Hodgson) mentioned a book he was reading, one on pre-deluge Biblical history. We'd been talking about his deeply Christian friend, Jerry Crew, and the 1958 Bluff Creek footprint trackway finds...
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BIGFOOT BOOKS: One time you had told me that you were less interested in Bigfoot these days, and more interested in Creation.

AL HODGSON: Oh, I am, I'm very interested in Creation.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: Do you ever grow tired of the Bigfoot questions, and feel you're stuck in it…?

AL HODGSON: Well, I'm not necessarily tired of it, but I, sometimes--I haven't got time for some of this junk. I don’t have time for it.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: There's more to life than Bigfoot?

AL HODGSON: That's right. This is very interesting. In fact there's one chapter on dinosaurs. It's amazing.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: What about the "Giants in the Earth," the ones that are in Genesis, that some people think are Sasquatches? Enkidu, or…

AL HODGSON: Well [chuckles], in here there's a place [flips through book] where they're talking about a bipedal beast of some sort… But they don't, it doesn't sound like…

BIGFOOT BOOKS: There's Esau, from the Bible, he was one of the sons of Abraham, wasn't he? And he was born furry?

AL HODGSON: Israel, you mean? Isaiah? [Isaac, actually, we found out later.]

BIGFOOT BOOKS: Esau.

AL HODGSON: Oh. Esau was one of them.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: His brother was born like a normal person, and Esau was born hairy, with reddish colored hair…

AL HODGSON: Oh, there were two. That's right, yeah, yeah. They were twins.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: There are some Biblical Studies guys who are also interested in Bigfoot who think that the Sasquatch, you know, was actually living side by side with humanity, in the early days, in the Old Testament…

AL HODGSON: Ah, well, I don't know. It's possible, like this on dinosaurs. It's possible this one, it sounded like… maybe a Sasquatch. I'll have to go back and look it up, because its talking about "bipedal." And I said, Uh oh. But it doesn't quite sound like it because they're talking about different colors, makes it sound like a fur, but I don't know.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: There is a lot of strange stuff in the Bible, though.

AL HODGSON: Yeah, but this is, actually… All this does maybe is kind of prove that the Bible is correct, particularly when it comes back to all the way back to Noah, the Flood.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: You have to wonder how Sasquatches could have survived the Flood. Like, how could they have gotten them on the, on Noah's Ark. They wouldn’t have been able to catch one to put it on the…

AL HODGSON: Well, the thing of it is, all of the other animals got on there. And there's lots of theories on how that happened, too.

BIGFOOT BOOKS: Well we've got giraffes and lions in the zoos, but no Sasquatches. So I'm kind of wondering how Noah got one on there.

AL HODGSON: Well, they don't know. It does not say that. All it says is that all the breathing animals got on the Ark, but it doesn't say the meat eaters and so forth. But we don't know how they survived…

BIGFOOT BOOKS: There probably were some mountains. They probably survived up there in the high, Himalayan-type mountains, the Bigfoot just stayed up there during the Flood.

AL HODGSON: According to the Bible everything was covered with water. And I would say that is true. I have no way of telling. But, you know something? At one time these mountains were completely covered. Up there, Ironsides. Think about that. That was covered, completely covered. Now, the geologists will tell you that—they'll tell you that's true. At one time all of this was completely covered...
 
Holy crap Parcher.

Bigfoot stayed up in the mountains during the flood?

Is there enough moisture on earth to flood the earth that high? How tall is ironsides?
http://www.mountainzone.com/mountains/detail.asp?fid=5537156
One Mile High 5286 feet Above sea level

The entire earth was covered one mile high with fresh water rain.

WTF?

I won't even go into leading the witness allegations.
 
I find their third objective most fascinating:

Bigfoot Jeeezus said:
3. To bring accountability to men as found in Proverbs 27:17
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I don't have the Bible memorized, so I had to look it up---

Proverbs said:
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
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Proverbs said:
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
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and by far, my favorite:

Proverbs said:
Iron by iron is sharpened, And a man sharpens the face of his friend.
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So, which version of the Bible do you think they're talking about and what does the quote have to do with "accountability"? Only Bigfoot Jesus knows, my friends, only BFJ knows.
 
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