Are You Ready to Make War on Christmas?

[KoihimeNakamura]

What, you've got something against chocolate and peeps?

I'm more of a mind to petition for more holidays than less. Think about it: more time off, more good food, more excuses to dress up...where is the downside to any of this?

The no more time off. Holidays are dead and I end up working every one of them.

 

[SezMe]

On Christmas Day I plan on riding my motorcycles in my church while listening to Black Sabbath.

Seems entirely appropriate. After all, the Big Guy rode in on a couple of asses.

 

[SezMe]

The comments section is filled with frothy diatribe.

Indeed. I liked this one:

DONT EVEN THIK ABOUT PUTTING ME IN A CATAGORY WITH COMMUNIST. I HAVE FOUGHT FOR 13YRS IN THE MILITARY FOR YOU AND THIS COUNTRYS FREEDOM. AND BY THE WAY YOUR LOG-IN YOU APPEAR TO BE FROM THE FAR EAST,ANOTHER COMMUNIST COUNTRY.

Yep. South Korea and Japan are red as can be.

 

[slingblade]

*click* Hello, this is Christmas. I'm afraid I'm out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

*beep*

Won't call you back, either, eh? She's a strumpet.


...unless a strumpet is a cat with strings, as I've often imagined.

 

[blobru]

{"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas": Fox rewrite}

I am ready to make the war on Christmas
As an atheist;
I'll blow up your Santa Claus, wire shut hymners' jaws
Put Christmas Christians on my naughty list...

I am ready to make the war on Christmas
Spoil all your fun;
'Cause the prettiest sight to me is a bright nativity
Crushed by six-teen tonne.

A pair of wooly long-johns and a necronomicon
Is the wish of Harris and Hitch;
AI that talks and DNA from pox
Is the hope of Dennett and Rich;
And all of them can hardly wait about Easter to bitch

I am ready to make the war on Christmas
To spite all of you;
From the pope in his golden robe, to the god in the Book of Job
Who bets his foe that he can't turn a jew...

I am ready to make the war on Christmas
Happy Holidays!
See the furious fundy maws when the courts say Santa Claus
Must give gifts to gays.

That's what the folks at Fox would love to see.

There is a much better way to make war on christmas.

That was superb. Kudos to the digital cuttlefish, whoever it is.

 

[Damien Evans]

On Christmas Day I plan on riding my motorcycles in my church while listening to Black Sabbath.

Will that help on the home front?

/me approves of this most excellent idea

 

[Damien Evans]

Indeed. I liked this one:


Yep. South Korea and Japan are red as can be.

I just love how he lumps the entire far east into one country. So that's Japan, the Eastern coast of asia (itself several countries), The Phillipinnes, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific Islands, all one country.


Beware, we invade the US on Christmas day!

 

[Rasmus]

I just love how he lumps the entire far east into one country. So that's Japan, the Eastern coast of asia (itself several countries), The Phillipinnes, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific Islands, all one country.


Beware, we invade the US on Christmas day!

Cool.

Could you make a stopover here in Europe (that other big country outside the USA) on your way? There'S bound to be number of people with you I haven't seen in ages. I'll make cookies, too!

 

[Eddie Dane]

Would this help?

 

[Sledge]

Feh. Slowpokes. I'm already planning the Battle for Easter.

We're fighting the War on Christmas there so we don't have to fight the Battle of Easter here.

 

[UndercoverElephant]

Or if you're gay, you can make war on Christmas by putting on a gay-themed Christmas play and thereby ruining Christmas for straight people!

Doesn't work. There are always gay pantomimes put on in my city at Christmas, and the straight people go to them too. This year's is called "Sinderfella". Last year's was less subtle: "Jack and his Big Stalk."


I ******* hate Christmas.

 

[slingblade]

Doesn't work. There are always gay pantomimes put on in my city at Christmas, and the straight people go to them too. This year's is called "Sinderfella". Last year's was less subtle: "Jack and his Big Stalk."


I ******* hate Christmas.

I somehow doubt it's Christmas that you hate.

 

[UndercoverElephant]

I somehow doubt it's Christmas that you hate.

You're right. It is what the modern world has done to Christmas that I hate. It has been become a festival celebrating our religious devotion to consumerism.

 

[ponderingturtle]

On Christmas Day I plan on riding my motorcycles in my church while listening to Black Sabbath.

Will that help on the home front?

Is that different from say any given tuesday though?

 

[ponderingturtle]

No better use for you time? War on Christmas seems sorta low on priorities.

Try telling that to Oliver Cromwell. We need to bring back the Christmas secret police.

 

[ponderingturtle]

You're right. It is what the modern world has done to Christmas that I hate. It has been become a festival celebrating our religious devotion to consumerism.

Yea, it was much better when it was all about drunken revelry. Come on people christmas should put marti gras to shame.

 

[UndercoverElephant]

Yea, it was much better when it was all about drunken revelry. Come on people christmas should put marti gras to shame.

Christmas was originally about celebrating the turn of the solstice and using up a load of food from the previous year that wasn't going to keep for much longer. Sort of "stuff your face now, people, because the next two months are going to be freezing cold and there's not going to any good eating until Spring." Now it appears to be about getting people to buy as much stuff as possible.

 

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Every time I hear a bell ringer I get evil urges involving that bell.

 

[madurobob]

If you're serious, that is hands down the funniest thing I've heard in recent memory.

Absolutely serious.

A synopsis of the play is here: http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=161997

 

[Cayvmann]

On Christmas Day I plan on riding my motorcycles in my church while listening to Black Sabbath.

Will that help on the home front?

Only if you arrive to church, towing your motorcycles with a truck-boat-truck.

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