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Gay by choice?

I think it's different for women. I think many women can just kind of choose it. Not the lesbians that look like Chaz Bono.... I think gay men are different... are think they are more born that way.

BTW.... I have seen men I would have never guessed that they were gay. But is there the opposite? The ultra effeminate flaming male that is straight?
 
Huh. That's interesting. I too have observed that many young women these days are going gay or at least bisexual for their first sexual experiences. I don't see young males doing the same. Maybe in about twenty years we'll have caught up.
 
arthwollipot said:
Huh. That's interesting. I too have observed that many young women these days are going gay or at least bisexual for their first sexual experiences. I don't see young males doing the same. Maybe in about twenty years we'll have caught up.
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I know of several guys that I grew up with who had gay experiences but didn't talk about it. It's just as common with men, I'd wager, but the social stigma of guys being gay ["ick"] opposed to girls being gay ["hawt"] prevents men from openly talking about.
 
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IDB87 said:
I know of several guys that I grew up with who had gay experiences but didn't talk about it. It's just as common with men, I'd wager, but the social stigma of guys being gay ["ick"] opposed to girls being gay ["hawt"] prevents men from openly talking about.
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I would think the same thing, although my high school daughter says that the quickest way for a guy to get himelf surrounded by girls is to come out as either bi or gay.
 
Ethan Thane Athen said:
The idea of choice is an interesting one as two of my daughter's friends have just 'decided' they're bi-sexual and the view of my daughter and her friends is that this is now a common thing amongst their generation and is generally done in an attempt to be 'more interesting'. It's almost a fashion thing now - in their minds.

NB Anecdotes are not evidence etc, I just find it interesting how, in the space of a couple of generations, homo / bi sexuality has seemingly gone from stigma, to accepted, to desirable. Obviously with these particular individuals it may just be the flowering of previously suppressed inclinations but they had no reason to suppress them previously and, knowing the individuals I tend to side with my daughter's interpretation.
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There is nothing new about this. See the band Queen and how the straight members wanted to be seen as bi. Then there are the homosexual teens not yet comfortable with labeling themselves as gay.

It is an interesting contrast with the actress who is rejecting bi for gay as well.
 
Keep in mind that she was in a committed heterosexual relationship with a man, and has two kids with him. If she says that she was born gay, then she gets to explain to her kids (or not explain, which is worse, I think) why she spent 15 years with someone she wasn't attracted to--and had two children with him! I would think this would push her to embrace her bisexuality, but for whatever reason she's denying (or down-playing) it publicly. Maybe she sees some stigma there; maybe some people expect bisexuals to be more promiscuous because their pool of potential partners is doubled. <-- (Someone told me this once...)

Quick caveat: I don't know anything about her history of public comments regarding hers or anyone else's sexuality. That being said, if she doesn't want to be in the fight, or doesn't espouse the "correct" ideas (i.e. homosexuality is not a choice), then that's her business. If she wants to say that for her it's a choice, I don't see how anyone in the LGBT community can fault her for it. It's unsavory, like people are trying to commandeer her sexuality to further their cause.
 
I'm racking my brains, but I can't remember the moment I chose my sexual orientation. I don't remember really thinking about attraction of this kind very much before feeling it. I just remember catching sight of particular ladies on TV and thinking they were lovely (Ace in Doctor Who was an early favourite), and then getting a huge crush on a girl at school.

I definitely remember the points where I chose to act on this orientation (asking the girl I had a crush on to dance at a school disco), but I didn't choose to be attracted to women, and I couldn't choose to stop if I wanted to.

Cynthis Nixon, from what I have seen, feels attraction to men and women. She says she is "gay by choice", and by this seems to mean that she acts on attraction to women but not on attraction to men. That makes sense to me, but it does raise the question of whether we say someone is gay/straight/bisexual based on who they are attracted to or what they do about it.
 
I don't know why this is so hard to understand.

Let's see... I ask myself "Am I sexually attracted to men?" Nope. Ergo I am not gay.

It's not really hard to understand that it probably works in reverse as well. If I was gay I could ask "Am I sexually attracted to women?" If it's nope, I'm likely gay.

If the answer is yes in both, I'm bi-sexual.

The hard part sometimes is asking that question devoid of other factors... social, religious, cultural, etc. However, it is still fairly obvious that it is a choice in only one of those circumstances.
 
If we could magically choose our sexual orientation, I'd be bisexual.

Hell, I tried. Oh, how I tried! But it didn't work.
 
Brown said:
We may have our tastes and be born with them, but we may also have the power to choose to modify them.

Most people might agree with this proposition if we were talking about food and drink. Why might it not apply to sexual tastes as well?
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I can accept that some people who are omnivorous may choose to live as vegans.
 
RockNroll said:
If we could magically choose our sexual orientation, I'd be bisexual.

Hell, I tried. Oh, how I tried! But it didn't work.
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Are you male or female? Did you try because you didn't want to be gay? or wanted to try being gay?
 
From a gay rights and societal acceptance perspective, I think the "Choice/not a choice" argument does not help anyone.

Is Rape any less immoral if the rapist doesn't "choose" to be a rapist?
Is pedophilia any less immoral if the pedophile doesn't "choose" to be a pedophile?

The reason these two actions are immoral is because it has forced an action on someone who did not consent or is psychologically unable/unprepared to offer consent. Further, these actions result in well established psychological damage to the victims.

On the contrary, gay/bi sex/relationships between consenting adults doesn't rely upon forcing one into something against their. From this view, choice doesn't even enter into it. A gay man can CHOOSE to have straight sex and it wouldn't be a problem. (or the reverse)
Further, there is no indication that day/bi relationships/sex acts result in psychological damage to the participants. In fact, the persecution of these individuals is the greatest cause of psychological damage. From this perspective, I would argue that anti-gay attitudes is closer in form (but certainly NOT the degree or magnitude) to the immorality of rape/pedophilia than gay/bi sex is.
1.) Anti gay rhetoric works against the consenting will of a individual, resulting in a victimization.
2.) The persecution of the victim results in long lasting psychological damage.
 
Cleon said:
Spooky. I thought the exact same thing.
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Are you sure that you are in the right forum? At best that's no more than coincidence, more likely an expected response from a shared cultural background, nothing to do with woo. :D
 
Lisa Simpson said:
Sex and the City co-star Cynthia Nixon has said she's "gay by choice".



Critics are saying she's playing into the hands of conservatives and I agree. Why not just call yourself bisexual? I admit, I'm not gay, so maybe I'm missing out on some idea.
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But what's the use of being gay if you can't tell other people that they're doing it all wrong? ;-}
 
Caper said:
Are you male or female? Did you try because you didn't want to be gay? or wanted to try being gay?
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Male heterosexual. I wasn't trying to be gay, just wanted to see if I could double my pool of potential sex partners by enjoying guys as well as gals. Turns out I couldn't just make myself like guys through sheer force of will :)
 
While I don't think being gay is a choice, I do think she has every right and an obligation to speak the truth about how she perceives being gay in her own experience.

How this might be used or misused by others shouldn't be relevant.
 
Lisa Simpson said:
Sex and the City co-star Cynthia Nixon has said she's "gay by choice".



Critics are saying she's playing into the hands of conservatives and I agree. Why not just call yourself bisexual? I admit, I'm not gay, so maybe I'm missing out on some idea.
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Unfortunately, quite a few people have trouble clearly defining their sexuality since they are rather unlcear about the issue themselves: and this case is a good example of that very behavior.
 
Crossbow said:
Unfortunately, quite a few people have trouble clearly defining their sexuality since they are rather unlcear about the issue themselves: and this case is a good example of that very behavior.
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What behavior? Marrying her long time partner and mother of their child is 'unclear'?

'Unclear' would be letting people bully her into claiming something she doesn't identify as.
 
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