Fiona- From what I've read, men also feel shame after they are sexually assaulted by another man. (Female on male rape is so bizarre I can only remember hearing of one case, so I'll ignore it here).
I think most male-male rape(in society at large rather than all male institutions) involves children- and usually is incestuous, or at least familial, so the victim is younger than and socially dominated by the (step)father / uncle/ whatever. But as the boy hits puberty, shame is supplemented or replaced by anger. (Testosterone, the wonder drug).
My knowledge of the multiple rape case currently in the media is patchy, but I understand the two daughters continued to allow repeated rape (and pregnancies) at the hands of the father, but that a son ran away at 15 and reported his father to the police for incest and sexual abuse- which was, very sadly, not followed up. Whether the daughters are mentally able, I have not heard mentioned. I do wonder about that.
Prolonged abuse like that truly is hard for me (and I think most men) to understand. Had they NO recourse to help? NO weapon (literal or metaphorical) they could use? Did he NEVER sleep? My mother once quoted my grandmother on the subject of "battered wives".
She said any man that hit her once would meet a frying pan next time he came through the door. Now that's an attitude I can empathise with.
Non-sexual violent assault in human societies generally is aimed not at women, but at young men. This is true in every human culture from the Amazon to NYC , I believe- especially at the extreme end of the spectrum- murder. (Except during wars, when female civilian casualties are similar to males. Bombs are truly democratic weapons).
Many young men go in permanent fear of assault- including in the city we both know well. But nobody ever "walks a young man home", even though he may be in greater actual danger than his girlfriend. He is somehow expected to be able to "take care of himself". In reality, outside the movies, no single man can hope to handle more than two opponents at once with any likelihood of winning, unless he's either well trained or lucky- and human predators are pack hunters.
That's why so many teenagers carry knives. They'd have guns if they could get them.
Hell, boys would have flamethrowers if they could get them. Boys dream about hurting people- but "normal" boys dream about hurting bigger boys to impress girls. That's actually how boys are supposed to think. I don't know how girls or women think .
(What man ever did?)
Anger is not the primary motivating emotion among males. Fear is.
If I'm attacked- and I have been, three times in my adult life- I'm not angry. I'm afraid. I get angry afterwards. (Incidentally, only go for the nuts if you're close enough to use a knee. It's a small target and if you miss, he'll grab your foot. Kick for the inside of the knee against a standing opponent, then run. If he's lying down, there are so many targets it's just not fair...Start at the throat and work down.)
Male on male rape is something qualitatively different (to me) than other assault. (ETA-That's male fear right there. As you say- self interest sets our attitudes).
I think this is where the male / female mindsets seem to go different ways.
If a man raped me, I would try everything I could think of to stop him at the time, regardless of what damage I took in the process. And if I survived the attack, I would spend every minute and every penny working out how to kill him.
Women don't seem to think / react that way at all, which may be natural selection screwing us over again. After all, back in the old days, rape and marriage were probably much the same thing- the "club & cave" culture. Did any man "ask permission" in the Stone Age? If a woman was raped, maybe she had a kid, who possibly passed on papa's "outgoing " personality- and 50% of HER genes too.
Being made love to gently by a dude she liked, passed on 50% of her genes too, plus those of a quieter personality. But maybe, because he was a nice guy, he never got the chance at all. We've all heard the complaint of nice guys everywhere, that women persistently want to be their friend, but choose to have sex with aggressive louts. I've seen it often enough to think there's something to it. And I include some extremely intelligent women in that generalisation. There seems to be something other than intelligence at work.
Maybe the reason we have two types of sexual intercourse (consensual and non-) at all, is that the nice guys (or "wimps" from one POV) became lawyers and distorted society to enhance their own reproductive chances? Or that women are gradually, generation by generation, feminising men?
Trouble with selfish gene explanations is- once you start looking, you can find them anywhere.
I think most male-male rape(in society at large rather than all male institutions) involves children- and usually is incestuous, or at least familial, so the victim is younger than and socially dominated by the (step)father / uncle/ whatever. But as the boy hits puberty, shame is supplemented or replaced by anger. (Testosterone, the wonder drug).
My knowledge of the multiple rape case currently in the media is patchy, but I understand the two daughters continued to allow repeated rape (and pregnancies) at the hands of the father, but that a son ran away at 15 and reported his father to the police for incest and sexual abuse- which was, very sadly, not followed up. Whether the daughters are mentally able, I have not heard mentioned. I do wonder about that.
Prolonged abuse like that truly is hard for me (and I think most men) to understand. Had they NO recourse to help? NO weapon (literal or metaphorical) they could use? Did he NEVER sleep? My mother once quoted my grandmother on the subject of "battered wives".
She said any man that hit her once would meet a frying pan next time he came through the door. Now that's an attitude I can empathise with.
Non-sexual violent assault in human societies generally is aimed not at women, but at young men. This is true in every human culture from the Amazon to NYC , I believe- especially at the extreme end of the spectrum- murder. (Except during wars, when female civilian casualties are similar to males. Bombs are truly democratic weapons).
Many young men go in permanent fear of assault- including in the city we both know well. But nobody ever "walks a young man home", even though he may be in greater actual danger than his girlfriend. He is somehow expected to be able to "take care of himself". In reality, outside the movies, no single man can hope to handle more than two opponents at once with any likelihood of winning, unless he's either well trained or lucky- and human predators are pack hunters.
That's why so many teenagers carry knives. They'd have guns if they could get them.
Hell, boys would have flamethrowers if they could get them. Boys dream about hurting people- but "normal" boys dream about hurting bigger boys to impress girls. That's actually how boys are supposed to think. I don't know how girls or women think .
(What man ever did?)
Anger is not the primary motivating emotion among males. Fear is.
If I'm attacked- and I have been, three times in my adult life- I'm not angry. I'm afraid. I get angry afterwards. (Incidentally, only go for the nuts if you're close enough to use a knee. It's a small target and if you miss, he'll grab your foot. Kick for the inside of the knee against a standing opponent, then run. If he's lying down, there are so many targets it's just not fair...Start at the throat and work down.)
Male on male rape is something qualitatively different (to me) than other assault. (ETA-That's male fear right there. As you say- self interest sets our attitudes).
I think this is where the male / female mindsets seem to go different ways.
If a man raped me, I would try everything I could think of to stop him at the time, regardless of what damage I took in the process. And if I survived the attack, I would spend every minute and every penny working out how to kill him.
Women don't seem to think / react that way at all, which may be natural selection screwing us over again. After all, back in the old days, rape and marriage were probably much the same thing- the "club & cave" culture. Did any man "ask permission" in the Stone Age? If a woman was raped, maybe she had a kid, who possibly passed on papa's "outgoing " personality- and 50% of HER genes too.
Being made love to gently by a dude she liked, passed on 50% of her genes too, plus those of a quieter personality. But maybe, because he was a nice guy, he never got the chance at all. We've all heard the complaint of nice guys everywhere, that women persistently want to be their friend, but choose to have sex with aggressive louts. I've seen it often enough to think there's something to it. And I include some extremely intelligent women in that generalisation. There seems to be something other than intelligence at work.
Maybe the reason we have two types of sexual intercourse (consensual and non-) at all, is that the nice guys (or "wimps" from one POV) became lawyers and distorted society to enhance their own reproductive chances? Or that women are gradually, generation by generation, feminising men?
Trouble with selfish gene explanations is- once you start looking, you can find them anywhere.
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