James Bond implicated in Diana assassination
Moneypenny: Better go in James. This looks important.
M: Ah, 007. Sit down.
Bond: I was on holiday, sir.
M: Sorry, 007, this is more important. We have a very important job for you. The assassination of Princess Diana and her fiance Dodi Fayed.
Bond: Good God! Why, sir?
M: The silly girl is apparently planning to marry the feller. And she's pregnant. At least that's what we read on the Web. The constitutional implications are horrendous.
Bond: I don't see why, sir. She's divorced, after all. I don't see how there are any constitutional implications. Suppose she did become a Muslim. What would it matter?
M: What if the boys converted, Bond? You know that young boys idolise their stepfathers.
Bond: Can't the Queen just forbid them to see him sir? Wouldn't that be easier than an assassination?
M: Not our decision, Bond. Orders from higher up. Mr Prescott is handling this personally.
Bond: Very well, sir.
M: Now, you'll be coordinating with Mathis of the Deuxieme Bureau. You worked with him before.
Bond: Mathis, sir? What has he got to do with this?
M: It's been decided to carry out the assassination in France. It will be a joint British/French operation, like Concorde, or the Channel Tunnel. You'll need to ensure that the French police, judiciary and hospital staff are all properly briefed. It's to be a fake car crash.
Bond: With respect sir, doesn't that complicate things hugely? I'm very fond of Mathis, but I wouldn't trust the French to keep quiet for an operation this big. It's very risky. Why not do it in Knightsbridge, with our own people?
M: Prescott says Paris, Bond, and that's that.
(Speaks into microphone on desk).
M: Q, will you come in please?
(Q enters)
Q: Is this Operation Blonde Bombshell, sir?
M: Yes, Q. Tell Bond about the car we're giving him. Bond, you need to ram the Fayed armoured Mercedes off the road.
Bond: Tricky job, sir, to make sure they're all killed. I'll need the right vehicle.
Q: Indeed you will, Bond. That's why we're giving you a Fiat Uno.
Bond: A what... A Fiat... Why on Earth....
Q: More inconspicuous, Bond. The last thing anyone would expect is for someone to ram a Mercedes with a Fiat.
Bond: But... but...
(M & Q start giggling)
Bond: Bastards. You had me going there.