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Your past life

Lisa Simpson

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L
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Mar 2, 2004
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In this week's commentary is a link to an "electronic fortune cookie" that will tell you your past life based on the date of your birth in this life. Here's mine:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Central Africa around the year 825. Your profession was that of a handicraftsman or mechanic.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is the development and expansion of your mental consciousness. Find a good teacher and spend a good part of your time and energy on learning from his wisdom.
Click to expand...

I was a man, baby!! :eek:
 
Where? I went all through the commentary and didn't find anything like that.

Does this mean that only men were incarnated on your birthday? All the Central African males from 825 incarnated on that day? Interesting implications there.
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern North Canada around the year 1350. Your profession was that of a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces. The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
Click to expand...

Oh look, I was a First Nations banker. Did the First Nations have a robust banking system? They had pretty extensive trading systems so I suspect they had some sort of money changing and lending.

I love the last sentence: it could be read both as "you are timid, lonely, and self-confident" and "you overcame your timid, lonely, and self-confident tendencies."

Not to mention that timid and self-confident don't exactly go together.

This is an obvious joke, which is a shame because it would be funnier if it were real. :D
 
Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern West Africa around the year 800. Your profession was that of a writer, dramatist or organiser of rituals.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins.
 
...you were female in your last earthly incarnation. You were born
somewhere in the territory of modern Oceania around the year 1325.
Your profession was that of a jeweler or watch-maker.

A "watch-maker" in 1325...in "Oceania"...and a woman!? :eye-poppi
 
Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Ontario around the year 1550. Your profession was that of a chemist, alchemist or poison manufacturer.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

Do you remember now?
Click to expand...
Sooo.. I was a manufacturer of poison and I should distribute my feelings of happiness and enthusiasm to all people. Cool!

Funny, all I can remember is "swim, swim, swim, faster, faster..."
 
Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Bulgaria around the year 1075. Your profession was that of a monk (nun), bee-keeper or lone gunman.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
There is an invisible connection between the material and the spiritual world. Your lesson is to search, find and use this magical bridge.
Click to expand...

Actually my present life reflects my past profile more accurately than my present one... My wife always said I was living in the past ;)

As for lone gunman... in the late 11th Century? Wow I was WAY ahead of my time!

But doesn't this mean that eveyone born on my birthday (how many people are born in 24 hours worldwide?) had previously been born in Bulgaria in 1075 following 1 of those professions... Oopps it's all gone wrong!!! :D
 
Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Thailand around the year 1325. Your profession was that of a jeweler or watch-maker.
......
Do you remember now?
Click to expand...

No. I don't.

I was hoping I was a budgie in my past life.
 
Who would have thought? I was female, black and "ruthless". Wow, I have come 180 degrees!

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern West Africa around the year 1825. Your profession was that of a medic, surgeon or herbalist.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins.
Click to expand...
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern New Guinea around the year 800.
Click to expand...

HEY!! Previously I was the gal who domesticated the banana for Comfort and Cameron in order for them to totally misinterpret and make creationists videos to debate those who do truly have a clue.

Your profession was that of a builder of houses, temples and cathedrals.
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If that doesn't seal the deal, I don't know what does!

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You had the mind of a scientist, always seeking new explanations. Your environment often misunderstood you, but respected your knowledge.
Click to expand...

So true, so true! No one could understand why I had to take this awful piece of fruit and genetically alter it and it's offspring so 20th century comic writers could use it's skin to develop the most famous of all comic cliches!!

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to study, to practice and to use the wisdom that lies within the psychological sciences and in ancient manuscripts. With strong faith and hard work you will reach your real destiny in your present life.
Click to expand...

Well, damn... up until that "faith" bit, I was starting to believe in that program... Everyone knows atheists don't have faith!
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Australia around the year 1600. Your profession was that of a builder of roads, bridges and docks.
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Did the Aborigines build many roads in 1600? If they did, were there many women who spent their lives doing this?
 
Your past life diagnosis:
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I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Central Africa around the year 825. Your profession was that of a handicraftsman or mechanic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You fulfill your lesson by helping old folks and children. You came to this life to learn to care about the weak and the helpless.
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Do you remember now?
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No I don't, especially in this life I'm not much of a people person/a loner who occasionally needs people, I'm not having children; but I do live with my grandmother...well, jeez, there it is, isn't? :rolleyes: So I looked like Michael Clarke Duncan in my past life? Cool! :cool:
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA South-Center around the year 1100. Your profession was that of a entertainer, musician, poet or temple-dancer. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy. The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True wealth is buried in your soul. Do you remember now?

Yes it is alll coming back to me now!! Hehe, cool thanks for the link!
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA South-Center around the year 1225. Your profession was that of a chemist, alchemist or poison manufacturer.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True wealth is buried in your soul.
Do you remember now?
Click to expand...

I was on a mission to implant hope into the hearts of people, and I somehow did this via spying on them and manufacturing poisons to kill them. It sounds like I was looking for wealth, alright!
 
This is in a spoiler because it will spoil your fun.

The Disclaimer says
It is to you how you interpret the information given by this program; however, you should know that this software is only slightly more sophisticated than an electronic fortune cookie.
Click to expand...
 
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Ukraine around the year 1775. Your profession was that of a philosopher and thinker.

Wow! Philosopher and thinker.

Maldach, if aborigines did build roads and bridges there is no evidence of them. Or wheels for that matter. Before I am misconstrued, there were sophisticated elements to aboriginal culture, but that's another thread.......
 
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