Who says The Bible isn't true?

[Brian-M]

I've noticed that some people on this forum profess a literal belief in the bible, including the creation myth. It's my understanding that many denominations no longer adhere to the literal interpretation of the bible, so I thought it would be a good idea to have a thread devoted exclusively to quotes from respected religious leaders, organizations and historians admitting the bible is not historically accurate (with links so the quotes can be verified).

This way, the next time someone starts claiming the bible is astonishingly accurate, or starts talking about scientists with creationist beliefs, we can refer them to this thread.

I realize it won't make them change their minds, but I think it's worthwhile anyway.

So, anyone know any good quotes?

 

[beeksc1]

The Bible is not meant to be taken literally.

Guide.

The Bible says the same thing as do the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam...

Humility, compassion, and one love.

Living in the moment...

 

[Kopji]

A fun game is to post a really strange idea, and then try to find scriptural support for it.

I could safely say that the Bible is a source of inspiration for many people.

 

[Undesired Walrus]

A fun game is to post a really strange idea, and then try to find scriptural support for it.

Ok, I'll bite. Swimming with a pair of severed eyeballs as earings.

 

[Mr Blue Sky]

Ok, I'll bite. Swimming with a pair of severed eyeballs as earings.

Ecclesiastes 3:1:
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

It seems that "Mostly myth and legend, with some historical value." has a big lead.

 

[AgeGap]

I voted a complete pack of lies from start to finish.
I am a fan of the Skeptics Annotated Bible.

Thought for today: Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Behold, I am bringing such evil upon Jerusalem and Judah, that whosoever heareth of it, both his ears shall tingle.--2 Kings 21:12

 

[JoeEllison]

"Historical value" in that we can see how effing psychotic, misogynistic and genocidal the Hebrew authors were. The Bible can be seen as a series of snapshots of a brutal and violent society that has little to teach us about ethics besides what NOT to do.

 

[Beerina]

Can I say there aren't historically accurate things in there? I'm not a Bible expert through-and-through, so I can't say so. Even statistically, with all they talk about, some things must reflect reality. Much of Revelation is believed to be crypto-speak for the Roman domination of the Middle East.


Also, many parables and words of wisdom give good real-world advice. (Indeed, many preceeded the Bible and were inhaled by it.) (And many that don't, but "sound good", much like modern politics. )


So given that, yes. But if an actual Jesus existed on whom the Jesus of the Bible was based (which I highly doubt) the "writer's embellishments" clearly distorted him out of all recognition.

 

[triadboy]

Ok, I'll bite. Swimming with a pair of severed eyeballs as earings.

If you had said 'swimming in a mountain of foreskins' I could find biblical support for that, but severed eyeballs?! Jesus man, that's just plain weird.

 

[AgeGap]

If you had said 'swimming in a mountain of foreskins' I could find biblical support for that, but severed eyeballs?! Jesus man, that's just plain weird.

Still attached foreskins? That's one weird fantasy.

 

[JoeEllison]

Can I say there aren't historically accurate things in there? I'm not a Bible expert through-and-through, so I can't say so. Even statistically, with all they talk about, some things must reflect reality.

In the same way that The Count of Monte Cristo includes historical persons and places, but Edmond Dantès is not a real-life person engaged in historically accurate adventures.

 

[Moochie]

The Bible is not meant to be taken literally.

Guide.

The Bible says the same thing as do the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam...

Humility, compassion, and one love.

Living in the moment...

Really? Care to give some evidence?


M.

 

[Moochie]

A fun game is to post a really strange idea, and then try to find scriptural support for it.

I could safely say that the Bible is a source of inspiration for many people.

I find the character of Jesus inspirational. He was a righteous dude, apparently.


M.

 

[paximperium]

I find the character of Jesus inspirational. He was a righteous dude, apparently.


M.

I am occasionally inspired to scourge the local moneylenders just as Jesus did.

 

[six7s]

If you had said 'swimming in a mountain of foreskins' I could find biblical support for that, but severed eyeballs?! Jesus man, that's just plain weird.

Indeed!

Behold, teh parable of teh tax inspector

Teh Book of teh Recyclatestes 1: 34 ~ 42

³⁴A new tax inspector visits a synagogue for an annual review of the books

³⁵The Rabbi stands patiently while the inspector pores over the paperwork

³⁶Unable to find anything out of order he turns to the Rabbi and says
"All these candles that you burn Rabbi, what do you do with the dripped wax?"

³⁷"Ah" says the Rabbi, "we save all them up and send them to the candle factory, each year they send us a free box"

³⁸After a while, and still unable to find anything wrong with the books the taxman turns to the Rabbi and says

³⁹ "All the Matzo biscuits Rabbi, what do you do with the crumbs?"

⁴⁰"Ah" he says, " We save all the crumbs and send them to the factory.
Every year they send us a gift of Matzo Balls"

⁴¹The tax ferret is annoyed by the wiley Rabbi and thinks he has THE question
"Tell me Rabbi , what do you do with all the foreskins left after the circumcisions?"

⁴²"Ah" says the Rabbi "Here too we do not waste, we save them up and send
them to the Inland Revenue, and once a year they send us a complete dick"​

 

[skullerello]

Not to derail, but that last bit had me laughing.

 

[Frozenwolf150]

Ok, I'll bite. Swimming with a pair of severed eyeballs as earings.

That's easy:

Mark 9:47
And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell...

Someone's gotta put those eyeballs to good use.

 

[triadboy]

Still attached foreskins? That's one weird fantasy.

Jos 5:3 And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins.

 

[Steelmage]

To me the Bible is a bunch of myth with no real historical value. Thank the AgeGap for the link to the Skeptic's Annotated Bible, it also includes the Koran and Book of Morman.

 

[Kittyclaws]

I find the character of Jesus inspirational. He was a righteous dude, apparently.


M.

I thought that was Ferrris Bueller.