Most child abuse and rape isn't reported either. I don't think we can conclude that just because our personal experiences do not include unfortunate events and/or such events are not reported in the press very often that such events don't occur far more frequently.
But child abuse and rape
are reported often. Of course, they have nothing to do with the OP or the wider topic, but they do make for provocative pseudo-arguments. I don't think we can conclude that just because we don't encounter, hear about or read of something in the press that it occurs a lot. Do you? Really? Why? Wishful thinking? Because it would suit your position?
Having no direct experience of BDSM I have some questions:
Do safe words get used much?
How does the dom know how far and long to go?
Is the dom just carrying out the pre-specified orders of the sub, or does the dom have flexibility in the type and degree of punishments he or she inflicts?
BDSM is a sexuality, just as is homosexuality. There aren't any universal dos and donts for either.
Safe words get used a lot, it's how we can ensure something is consensual while still allowing role play and so on. The traffic light system is widely used - "red" meaning 'stop now' and 'amber' meaning 'oh, I wasn't expecting that, I'm not sure, slow down, let me get used to the idea' (or words to that effect...)
The dom would hopefully know how far to go from discussion prior to the 'scene', though most every sub I've known wants to have their limits pushed. How long to go might also be included in that discussion, though of course a safe word would leave the matter in the hands of the sub (if he or she had had enough). 'More' or 'again' would no doubt serve if he or she hadn't had enough.
I'm assuming you have some (vanilla) sexual experience? How long and how much foreplay, or penetration, or such, do vanilla couples engage in? How do you know how much and how long? Is it through verbal and non-verbal communication with your partner/s? Why do you suppose it would be any different for, eg, a caning?
Your final question is case dependent, but any Dom/me worth their salt establishes boundaries and so on before engaging in anything.
I posted earlier that I think that both the absolute and relative ages of both partners should be taken into account, with the relative age becoming less important as the age of the youngest partner increases. I also think sexual behaviour could be split up into broad categories with different repercussions for the older partner if a complaint is made by either the younger partner or their legal guardian.
If someone has a 'legal gaurdian', they shouldn't be having sex at all - whether straight, gay, vanilla or kinky. Can you elaborate on your plan? At what age can someone decide to have sex with someone twice their age? What categories of sexuality require people to older before they can express them as their straight vanilla counterparts did at an earlier age? And why?
The relevance is the belief that "she was asking for it" many people hold when women complain after the fact that a partner went too far. If another 16 year old engaged in exactly the same behaviour as this woman did but complained afterwards about the bruising and/or any other injuries, should she just chalk it up to experience?
'Many' people hold that strange belief, do they? You know the drill round here...
Yes, she should just chalk it up to experience. That's how people learn and grow and mature. Or we could have a system where everything is someone else's fault and nobody is responsible for their own choices I suppose.
I don't think it's as simple as that.
It is as simple as that. Abuse is something you didn't ask for. If you want it, if it's an expression of your sexuality, if you ask for it, it isn't abuse. Being punched in the face by an angry lover or teacher or family member or stranger or police officer is abuse. Being punched in the face by an opponent in a boxing ring is not abuse. Simple.
