I don't think I am describing
Minkowski Space since you built SR frames of reference, then pushed me to choose one or the other as more real. Though, at first blush, perhaps it conveys the idea I am trying to get across, I'll have to read about it and reflect.
I think I might see some of the issue we are having here: I'm not RussDill, but when I asked you to choose between two reference frames to say which is the real one, it's because you said that there is some specific sequence of events
in reality. That suggests that only one sequence is the real sequence, which means choosing one reference frame over another.
Instead, as I think you are correct to insist upon, there is an underlying reality which those reference frames are only arbitrary ways of describing. But that underlying reality is
different from what you would expect. It is made up of spacetime events occurring in a 4D spacetime.
Let me try to use an analogy to help to get this across one more time:
Take two points in empty space. They can be abstract points or maybe they are pebbles floating in space. We look at them and see the reality that they are separated by some distance. That's the real thing. We can
describe that by making a coordinate system (X,Y,Z) and plotting their location on that coordinate system. So, maybe pebble A is at the origin of our coordinate system and pebble B is located at X=2, Y=0, Z=0. Later I decide that this coordinate system isn't so useful to me so I use a different one in which A is at X = 2, Y= 0, Z=0, and B is at X = 2, Y = 2, Z = 0.
Someone else uses a coordinate system that's rotated relative to mine and puts A at the origin but B is at X= 2
1/2 Y = 2
1/2 Z= 0.
Drawing the pebble's locations on these three different systems they
look a little different, but it's easy to see that they are describing the same reality: X and Y are separated by 1 unit of distance. Distance is the invariant property in 3D space.
But spacetime is 4 dimensional and it's geometry follows the Lorentz transformation. Taking a particular view of spacetime and rotating it leaves all the relationships (the
reality that you refer to) intact, it also leaves all
causal relationships intact, but it
doesn't leave the order of events intact. It leaves neither the distance nor the time between two points in spacetime intact. Instead we have a new thing: the spacetime separation (or the proper time) that is the same no matter how you rotate your viewpoint. Is pebble A above, below, or level with pebble B on the Y axis? That depends on how you define your Y axis! But that pebble A is two units of distance away from pebble B doesn't depend on that definition: that is the reality of the situation.
Does event A happen before, after, or simultaneous with event B? That depends on how you define your time axis. But that Event A is located at a spacetime separation from event B of X meters is invariant. That's the reality.
Here's a picture: the reality is that A and B are X units away from each other in spacetime. No matter how much you turn this page that will remain true. But see what happens to the order of events is you start turning the page: A, which in this coordinate system happens first, will happen after B. Relative velocity = a rotation in reference frame.