UK: I'm leaving you.
EU: So sorry for you. OK.
UK: When I leave I'll slam the door.
EU: Par for our friendship so far. And?
UK: I've left!!!! Article five-oh, baby! You don't care, so there!
EU: What about the furniture and the children?
UK: I'll through fiscal stones at your house, btw.
EU: What say we finish the divorce first?
UK: Uh, what say, a little sex once in a while?
EU: Out of the question.
UK: I'll encourage your other friends to hate you, too.
EU: Please concentrate on packing your things.
UK: Gimme some snooky!
EU: OK, so now I've had to kick you in your "rocks" of Gibraltar. Please stop!
UK: I'm throwing a hate-you party (aka "election")!! Yay for me.
EU: So glad for you. OK. Leave.