Things you'd like to see in a Vampire novel.

[Vortigern99]

Streiber's take is terrific fun, but IMO his is only one possible "rational" approach to the subject. Others include mutant, alien, and mutant alien.

Also, Streiber's explanation that vampires are a "parallel species" ultimately falls short of describing the origin of their deathlessness. Immortality is not a natural feature, but must be explained by some supernatural or super-scientific (IWO "sci-fi/fantasy") means. Irrational conjecture and invention go hand-in-hand with vampire lore.

Pure rationality spoils the fun of vampires, which is why I suspect Streiber held back from touching on his character's "undead" quality from a purely biological standpoint.

I was going to say some sort of rational explanation for the phenomenon as well, but Whitley Strieber already did that in The Hunger (made a decent movie, too...).
The vampires are an example of parallel evolution; they are not human. They mimic humans and live among us, and can to some degree "turn" humans who can gain long life thereby. The humans are still mortal, however.

 

[Leif Roar]

I was going to say some sort of rational explanation for the phenomenon as well, but Whitley Strieber already did that in The Hunger (made a decent movie, too...).

I say meh! If I want rational explanations I'll pick up a who-dunnit, not a book about vampires. They're supernatural. There is no rational explanation, and trying to impose one just makes the willing suspension of disbelief harder than if you just say "To hell with it. They're vampires."

 

[Wowbagger]

It needs some sort of explanation for what causes vampires to be invisible in mirrors.

Mirrors only reflect photons with conventional states of properties. But, our eyes are more flexible as to which states of photons they can detect - even some of the more exotic ones.

Once flesh vampirofies, it only reflects back photons in their own, special, exotic state, the "vamp" state. This also applies to their clothing, once enough of their sweat starts getting absorbed into the fabric.

This state also makes them much more sensitive to light.

You probably even need an explanation why they need blood at all, because it doesn't make a whole lot of biological sense that an organism can only feed on blood.

Hemosynthesis. It is the process of converting some of the components of blood into energy for vampiroical usage.

Vampires can survive on the blood of many animals. But, they usually like the taste of human blood better... a LOT better.

 

[catsmate]

Paintballs. Loaded with napalm.

 

[tyr_13]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys! It's great to see what everyone thinks about these novels in general.

How about a tragic, melodramatic story of a vampire obsessed with counting things?

Actually, that really is part of vampire lore. They have to count things in their path. One way to keep vampires out was to sprinkle a lot of rice at your door or drape a net with lots of knots in it over the door. A vampire would have to count them all before entering.

 

[gumboot]

Folkloric vampires don't burst into flame in sunlight -- in Stoker's novel Dracula makes several daytime appearances. Bursting into flame or crumbling to dust is cinematic which is why Murnau invented that part of the myth for Nosferatu.

It's not entirely invented. European vampires were nocturnal and extremely sensitive to light - one of the symptoms of some of the diseases that are thought to have inspired the myth.

Personally, if I was going to do a Vampire story I'd make it something like a "scientist" in the 18th C or something going to a small isolated rural area where there's an outbreak of "vampires" (think "Brotherhood of the Wolf") but finds it to be a result of some sort of disease outbreak.

 

[bolasanibk]

I want a pack of rabid vampires to rip through an innocent gathering. A wedding or a church meeting. People are literally torn into pieces and there is blood all over.

Put the evil back in the vampires, I say.

 

[Soapy Sam]

I want a pack of rabid vampires to rip through an innocent gathering. A wedding or a church meeting. People are literally torn into pieces and there is blood all over.

Put the evil back in the vampires, I say.

Don't set it in Afghanistan. There's enough real sadness in the world.

 

[Delvo]

I'd do a crime novel, set either in the present or within about the last century or two, in which a series of assaults (with or without the victim dying) are committed in a way that makes the evidence appear similar to what you might expect of a true vampire attack. Some other events would happen that seem to go along with that, like raids on a blood bank, or a mysterious figure following someone for a while at night but then withdrawing when the intended victim happens to walk in front of a church gate with a cross on it or turns out to be wearing a crucifix necklace. The/a perpetrator's house might get discovered at some point and turn out to have blackout shades on the windows, no mirrors, and a room in the basement done up as a bedroom but with a casket in place of a bed.

Different characters have different levels of doubt over the question of what the explanation is, and the news spreading throughout the city with each time another new "vampire crime" is committed causes superstitious reactions among some of the public. Crucifix and garlic sales increase twenty-fold and/or retailers keep running out of them. A gun-shop owner uses some cheap method to give bullets a slightly different shine/color and sells them as "silver" for ten times the price. Curfews and ultraviolet street lights are proposed or put in place around night clubs. Somebody else (or a small group of somebodies) unconnected to the original crimes decide(s) it would be really funny to add to it by buying/stealing a tremendous amount of sunblock and/or some kind of blood-related medication, thus distracting the investigators from the trail of the original perpetrators for a while (and getting assaulted in jail after being arrested). Night activities get canceled and businesses adjust their hours of operation to only have people coming & going in daylight. On Halloween, unusually large numbers of police are out patrolling and there are several "incidents" with people in vampire or Batman costumes. (Or normal Halloween activities just get canceled or vampire costumes are banned.) People with lighter-than-average skin (maybe even albinos) who happen to work a night shift get assaulted, find protesters outside their homes, or get served raw meat at a restaurant regardless of how they ordered it. Vigilantes start wandering certain streets at night, harassing people they find suspicious by spraying/squirting garlic extract and holy water at them or assaulting them with home-made wooden weapons and scattering beads on the sidewalks (which somebody slips on and sues over).

In the end, it turns out to have been caused by some biologically ordinary but vampire-obsessed person(s) going out of his/her/their way to try to live the vampire life and seem like (a) vampire(s), including the use of home-made two-pronged contraptions (possibly even held in the mouth) to steal some of a victim's blood. And (s)he/they might only adopt this persona at night, seeming ordinary during the day.

 

[RebeccaBradley]

Evolve

At the risk of sounding like I'm spamming with self-promotion, I have a story in a new volume of vampire stories that sounds relevant to the thread. EVOLVE, edited by Nancy Kilpatrick, from Edge (in Canada), though it won't be available in the States until sometime in the fall. The editor's call was for stories that explored how vamps might adapt to the 21st century and beyond, and we were specifically forbidden to let the blighters sparkle, or appear to have wandered in from an Anne Rice novel. Some of the stories are pretty wild.

BTW, I love some of the ideas on the thread. Especially the one about Walmart-shopping trailer-park-dwelling redneck-hick vampires. Hilarious.

 

[Pikachu]

Best vampire books ever (IMHO) are Kim Newman's Anno Dracula (Van Helsing & co didn't stop Dracula who married Queen Victoria. Now in Whitechapel someone is murdering vampire prostitutes...); The Bloody Red Baron (WWI) and Dracula Cha Cha Cha (1950s Italy, James Bond and La Dolce Vita)
In each book there are hundreds of cameos of both real people and literary characters.

 

[Vortigern99]

[The ruination of vampire fiction] Started well before Anne Rice.
Looking back at 1936.
Or, for that matter, how about Bela Lugosi, who's name unfortunately will now be shared with that livin cardboard character from that one book series.

I'm extremely unclear on what your point is with this post. How did a dull sequel to Universal's original Dracula, Dracula's Daughter, with its vague intimations of lesbianism, "ruin" vampire fiction? Please clarify,

Also, what do you mean by the last sentence about Bela Lugosi? I just don't follow you here.

 

[SpuriusMaximus]

Actually, personally I'd have just one request: please don't try to make it scientifically sound. Attempts at science-y explanations for magic have always ranged between

A) just making it mundane (see the whole reaction to midichlorians in SW)

B) being insulting to the intelligence of anyone who didn't sleep in biology class (e.g., silicon viruses that are deadly to humans)

C) outright stupid (e.g., the vampire virus in IIRC Dracula 2000, which turned normal cells into identical, but _evil_ cells)

Seriously, nobody really wants to know exactly how many chromosomes does a vampire have, nor how their telomeres work so they can be immortal but not die of cancer within the first year. Keep it at the level of mystery, magic, etc, and it's much more interesting. Even if you were writing a SF novel, unless it's in the immediate future, it's best to keep it at the level of "a sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". But you're writing a vampire novel, so doubly so.

The vampire genre itself started as a knee-jerk reaction to modern 19'th century science and skepticism. The newfangled scientists and skeptics are wrong, the guy believing ancient myths is right, modern stuff never helps, old stuff and catholic props always do.

So, really, please keep it magical and mysterious, and spare us all another attempt at how would their biology work and what viruses are involved. In fact, please don't use the word "virus" at all, if possible.

 

[Vortigern99]

I agree with Hans, and advise all vampiro-authors to stick with the supernatural.

To wit, Wowbagger's would-be scientific explanations, upthread, fall flat when he has to insert: "This also applies to their clothing, once enough of their sweat starts getting absorbed into the fabric" into his otherwise cogent analysis of vampiric non-reflectivity.

All attempts at rationality break down at some point when explaining vampires. The simpler explanation: It's magic.

 

[Marduk]

How about a lead Vampire that I couldn't beat to death effortlessly with my bare hands
havent seen many of them recently (Blade excluded)

or

An eskimo vampire

A Vampire that doesn't wear odd clothing

A Vampire that is autoerotic

A Vampire geek

A Vampire scooter rider

A Vampire baby sitter

A Vampire who uses email

 

[bjornart]

All attempts at rationality break down at some point when explaining vampires. The simpler explanation: It's magic.

Didn't somebody already post this on the first page?

Good to have some support!

 

[Wowbagger]

To wit, Wowbagger's would-be scientific explanations, upthread, fall flat when he has to insert: "This also applies to their clothing, once enough of their sweat starts getting absorbed into the fabric" into his otherwise cogent analysis of vampiric non-reflectivity.

But, vampires do sweat a lot. And, I mean A LOT! Wooooof! If it didn't happen to smell like roses, no one would ever be attracted to them.

 

[Vortigern99]

Roses -- with a hint of rot underneath.

And yes, why shouldn't vampires sweat? They breathe, after all; Stoker has Harker describe the "honeyed" breath of the fair-haired sister/bride, with a bitterness "as of blood" underneath.

 

[Vortigern99]

Didn't somebody already post this on the first page?

Good to have some support!

Let's call it "independent corroboration"!

 

[Nogbad]

The breasts ideally should be heaving in low cut nightdresses a la Ingrid or Yvette.

Vlad did a particularly nasty line in impaling invading Muslim Turks (sharp end entering via the rear end hence long lingering death thing - I think the whole stake thing has its origins here) so you could go very topical and have your vampire as some sort of special ops type fighting Muesli terrorism around the world but on the whole I think I prefer the breasts.

Edit: Wow that picture is bigger than I expected.