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The Flag

Manopolus

Metaphorical Anomaly
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Messages
8,869
Location
Brownbackistan
I'm a US military vet (Desert Storm era through the end of the Cold War) who would be perfectly happy cutting up the flag and wiping my butt with it if I for some reason didn't have access to toilet paper. I would not be making a statement with this behavior. The entire point would be hygiene. It's just a piece of cloth.

Does anyone have a problem with that?
 
Depends - I think it's doubtful that a flag is the most hygienic tissue replacement you could find on short notice,.
 
I think you should get in the habit of checking for paper first. And possibly using toilets that aren't bespangled with flags?
 
Depends - I think it's doubtful that a flag is the most hygienic tissue replacement you could find on short notice,.
Well, if location matters... let's just say I've found myself magically transported to a plains region with no civilization or obvious water source nearby with no meaningful context other than I happen to have a flag handy. But the point wasn't to evaluate alternatives. It's more about having no qualms whatsoever with doing that. Wouldn't bother me a bit.
 
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I don't understand flag fetishery; Stellantis product (Ram and Jeep) commercials are rife with it, as if all it takes to be a patriot is to fly a bunch of flags from your Wrangler. My local Cabela's plants about 1000 mini Stars and Stripes out in front ever July 4th as if numbers make you just the bestest patriots in the U.S. Is that it? Seems kinda cheesy to me.
 
Well, if location matters... let's just say I've found myself magically transported to a plains region with no civilization or obvious water source nearby with no meaningful context other than I happen to have a flag handy. But the point wasn't to evaluate alternatives. It's more about having no qualms whatsoever with doing that. Wouldn't bother me a bit.
That's okay then.
You should never use a flag to wipe your arse on a regular toilet - you are going to clog it
 
I'm a US military vet (Desert Storm era through the end of the Cold War) who would be perfectly happy cutting up the flag and wiping my butt with it if I for some reason didn't have access to toilet paper. I would not be making a statement with this behavior. The entire point would be hygiene. It's just a piece of cloth.

Does anyone have a problem with that?
As long as you wash it every time you wipe your bum, no.
 
As long as you wash it every time you wipe your bum, no.
Sailing ships, RN, USN, et al., provided squares of cloth for wiping. The items were washed and reused. You can imagine the disciplinary aspect of that, don't screw up or you'll be assigned to wiping your shipmate's asses by proxy. (Something like that, early here.)
 
Are flags so plentiful and toilet paper so rare in the USA right now?
Yes, apparently. And alternatives like paper towels and napkins, too!
For the second time in Trump’s two terms, Americans are fretting about toilet paper. That’s not good. (MS NOW, Aug 30, 2026)
Americans are freaking out over a potential surge in toilet paper prices after President Donald Trump’s trade war with Canada. Canada is the United States’ largest supplier of toilet paper imports, which are now subject to a 50% tariff thanks to Trump. (Facial tissues, paper towels and napkins are tariffed, too.)
So the star-spangled toilet paper it is, but don't stitch the pieces back together again and raise them after use.
 
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I'm a US military vet (Desert Storm era through the end of the Cold War) who would be perfectly happy cutting up the flag and wiping my butt with it if I for some reason didn't have access to toilet paper. I would not be making a statement with this behavior. The entire point would be hygiene. It's just a piece of cloth.

Does anyone have a problem with that?
Not a US citizen, but flags are just bits of cloth. I absolutely understand defending the flag, but it is not the cloth you are defending, but the concept. I'd happily desecrate a flag if it meant saving (insert fetishism here) freedom to bare arms, reproductive rights, gay rights, religious freedom, freedom of speech, etc.
 
Not a US citizen, but flags are just bits of cloth.
Nah, the American flag is unique in that it undergoes transubstantiation and literally becomes the flesh of George Washington himself. To desecrate it is to annoy the founding demigod himself! However, he's absolutely fine with American flag apparel because that means he gets to be sexy close to his citizens. That American flag bikini? He's into that, completely. He used to wear one himself! This has been Patriotism Explained with TragicMonkey. Tune in tomorrow for why reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is actually an invocation to powers eldritch, white, and blue!
 
Nah, the American flag is unique in that it undergoes transubstantiation and literally becomes the flesh of George Washington himself. To desecrate it is to annoy the founding demigod himself! However, he's absolutely fine with American flag apparel because that means he gets to be sexy close to his citizens. That American flag bikini? He's into that, completely. He used to wear one himself! This has been Patriotism Explained with TragicMonkey. Tune in tomorrow for why reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is actually an invocation to powers eldritch, white, and blue!
It's all so clear now that you have exp;ained it.
 

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