Obviously, I could not tell how much of you was still “in there”, but from the beginning I knew you were at least partly aware of us being around and some of what was going on. Especially when they had to cut your beard! You were not happy about that at all
And your fever was so high! We were afraid that would cause further damage. I spent an afternoon putting cold compresses on your forehead. Almost the moment I placed one, it was so warm I would not have been surprised to see steam!!! I don’t know how much it actually helped you, but it helped me… I was at least doing
something, no matter how small. Leaving you there and coming home at the end of the week is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
And then, one year later, you are accepting an award at TAM!!!!!!
Being with you and Susan at TAM and in beautiful downtown Primm the next day was very eye opening. Unless it becomes part of your life, you don’t think about how to get the legs of someone in a wheelchair under a table and still leave room for everyone else. What some folks consider “wheelchair accessible” is a joke! And when the van broke down, there was no way we could have gotten you in to the cab of the tow truck. AAA actually told me you would not be allowed to stay in the van while it was being towed and we would have to find our own transportation! Thank goodness the State Trooper gave the driver special dispensation to let you stay in the van.
Seeing the physical difficulties both you and Susan face has only given me a small inkling of what it must be like day after day. You are a very proud man and it must make you crazy knowing you need help for virtually everything you want to do.
Just remember how far you have come in only one year, Brotherness. The rehab road ahead will not be fun (except for your jokes, of course!), but progress will be made, even if it is only a little at a time. I am very grateful to everyone at TAM who came up to you and told you about their personal experience or their loved ones experience with a stroke and the amazing progress they have achieved. That is out there for you too.
I wish I could snap my fingers and you would have full use of your left side again; especially your left arm and hand so you could tackle your STOP sites, posts and emails with a vengeance. But I am not woo enough to do that!
Hold on to every good moment and, even though the bad moments seem endless right now, know that they will start to even out. It is just going to be a bitch until they do.
And, obviously, thank goodness for Susan. I liked that women right from the start. From the photo you sent me from your on-line dating, I could tell from her sweet face she was warm and loving. I am so glad you found her. You always hear how difficult it is for a caregiver, but I always thought of that only in the sense of emotions. The physical aspect of it never even dawned on me! I’m sorry I am so far away and can’t give her the massages she needs and deserves!
And look at this thread! 1,409 posts and 76,634 visits! All for you! I am in awe of the impact you have had on so many people! I am very proud of you and the work you have done and will continue to do when you are ready. I am grateful to the entire JREF family for the emotional support they have given you, Susan and the entire Lancaster family. And the financial support has been awesome. I don’t know how Susan would have gotten by without all of their help. Because of them I have learned a great deal about love and friendship this last year and proudly consider myself a part of the JREF family, too.
Well, enough rambling for now. You are in my heart every moment, Robert. In spite of what a rotten big sister I was growing up, I am so glad that you are my brother and that now I have Susan for a sister. And do not even think of starting a “STOP Rehab” site! Just keep powering through.
Lots and lots and lots of love,
Janie
