Well, if the thread's deceasing anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and edit my poem. From the reactions of several readers, I've realize I made a serious error, leaving the latter passages open to an alternate interpretation that rather muddles the point. The error is not having clearly distinguished between the "sun" the ship is falling into, and the distant "destination star" that was supposed to be the ship's originally intended destination.
So, herewith:
The Voyage of the U.S.S. Audioprise, 2nd Edition Recut
or
Clarity: The Final Frontier
"Engine room to Captain!" came the signal from below.
"There's been a wee disruption in the anti-matter flow.
The engine's down, the warp core's cracked, our force field's lost its force,
The life support is failing, and we're drifting off our course."
The Captain, seated in his chair, his bridge crew close at hand,
Alert to every detail that affected his command,
Received the news with stoic mien and educated ear,
Then spoke into the intercom to tell the Engineer:
"Scotty, your bass is terrible, it's lacking constitution.
It sounds like RF noise is causing loss of resolution.
Your soundstage is too narrow and your midranges sound masked.
Haven't you wrapped your mike cord up in rawhide like I asked?
"Aye, Sir, I have," said Scotty, "But that's not important now.
We need to find replacement parts and make repairs somehow.
The ship's computer's gone insane, diverting all our power,
And giant space amoebas will consume us in an hour."
The Captain turned his chair around to face the Science Station,
And said to Spock, "We need your help to solve this situation."
"Aye aye, Captain," said Spock. "I'm sure we have no need to fear.
Remember, Mr. Scott is nothing but an engineer."
"He knows just Basic Physics, which I mastered in a week.
We need Advanced Physics to find the answers that we seek.
I have no doubt, with my knowledge, our problem I'll unravel
By gazing in this viewport, which is focused on my navel."
"Good thinking, Spock," the Captain said, approval on his face.
"Your Vulcan lack-of-logic is a credit to your race."
"Indeed," said Spock. "From my perspective, it's a great unkown
How humans manage to survive being so logic-prone."
"Excuse me, Sir," Uhuru said, with all her usual poise.
"It's obvious to me that the whole problem must be noise.
Tell Mr. Scott to glue a jar of pebbles to his head,
And replace all of the fuses with link sausages instead."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," said the Captain. "Any more ideas?
How about you, Doctor, have you any panaceas?"
McCoy said, "Don't ask me, I'm sure old pointy-ears knows best.
I'm a doctor, not a poet, so I've nothing to suggest."
Just then, the Helmsman sat up straight, concern upon his brow.
"Six Klingons, in attack formation, off the starboard bow!"
"Red alert!" the Captain said. "Shields up, without delay.
Hey, why does the Red Alert sound thin, with such a long decay?"
"What Klingons?" said the Engineer, arriving on the scene.
"The scanners show no Klingons, and there's nothing on the screen."
The Captain said, "Why Mr. Scott, there's no need to be jealous.
Our senses convey more than your machines can ever tell us."
"Tha' makes na sense at all," said Scotty, tearing out his hair.
"If scanners show no Klingons, then there be nae Klingons there!
The viewscreen that you're looking into, functions in this manner:
The circuits form an image from the data from the scanner!"
"Fire Phasers!" said the Captain, and the beams stabbed at the void.
"A hit!" yelled Sulu. "Two of the Klingon ships have been destroyed."
"Fire at will," the Captain said, "but limit the attack.
Three shots destroys them all, but after four shots, they come back."
It seemed like only moments 'til the unseen battle ended.
The crew was filled with pride in their great ship so well defended.
That is, all but the Engineer, who muttered with chagrin
As all the instruments still showed amoebas closing in.
Then Spock stood up abruptly from the viewer he'd been viewing,
And said, "I have an answer to the problem I've been brewing.
Captain, direct the viewscreen toward the planet Ceti Sigma,
And I will tell you how I've solved the Engineer's enigma."
"That dot of light's the distant planet where we mean to go.
Stare at it, without blinking. You'll begin to see it grow.
Please notice, as you watch it, that it starts to look much clearer.
From that, I think we can conclude, it's really getting nearer!"
And one by one, as each crewman stared at that point of light,
Each of them came to realize Advanced Physics must be right!
"You've saved us all!" the Captain said. "You saw what we all missed.
You've proven that our problems couldn't possibly exist!"
The crew rejoiced again in celebration. Even Scotty laughed,
As he headed to the bay and started up the shuttlecraft.
The ship was never seen again, but there were shed no tears
By those who reached their distant worlds -- all of them engineers.
Respectfully,
Myriad
