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"Praying for you.." a vent

Nankay

Thinker
Nankay
Joined
Apr 2, 2008
Messages
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How do you respond to someone saying "I'm praying for you."?

2 days after I came home from TAM, my husband developed a raging , fast travelling infection. They finally determined it was a freaky form of strep and yesterday, hubby turned the corner and began to improve. (YAY for modern medicine!!)To be honest, it was very dicey for a day or two. In the meantime, friends and family visited and time and time again I heard, "We're praying for you." or some variation. I gritted my teeth and "They mean well" became my mantra . Outwardly I smiled and said "Thank you" but my inside was screaming : instead of spending time praying..um..bring me a casserole, or a bucket of chicken, take my kids to a movie, drive over to my house and feed and let out my dogs, take my kids to their band lesson or baseball practice, buy me a cup of coffee. Do something USEFUL please!

ok vent over....Pity party for one is shutting down.
 
You think they are actualy praying for you?
 
When I was a regular churchgoer, I thought that praying for your friends was one of the best and most touching gestures of love. Not praying for something specific or in response to any real or perceived problem, that is, but asking God to bless them because they deserve it instead of asking for anything for yourself.

From their point of view, it is a gesture of affection and concern...but yes, I agree, Christians have a responsibility to help and assist in the physical world as well and prayer is not a substitute.
 
Got nothing against people praying for me. What you complain about is just as much their unwillingness to help you, and using an excuse (in this case prayer) to feel good about it.
 
XBoxWarrior said:
What the **** are you? a freakin' 'search nazi'?
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Congratulations. You may have broken the record for invoking Godwin's Law so early in a thread.

But what else would one expect from a stick figure?
 
Just look at them and say "well eff you too!" Why, because that's what they really mean when they say "I'm praying for you."
 
In some contexts, it's downright condescending. For example if you explain that you are not a believer, or that you disagree in some way with their religion, and you get a "I'll pray for you". I despise that, I'd rather get a "You'll burn in hell", at least that's honest, instead of being self-righteous bollocks, acting like the "better" person to look superior.
 
I dunno, I think it is rather nice as long as they are not doing it to the exclusion of other things. They are practicing compassion.
 
In the context of the original post, I interpret it as the theists' equivalent of me saying "I hope you get well soon," so it wouldn't bother me.

Of course it's not as good as actually helping, but it's not clear to me if they were claiming it was.
 
Morrigan said:
In some contexts, it's downright condescending. For example if you explain that you are not a believer, or that you disagree in some way with their religion, and you get a "I'll pray for you". I despise that, I'd rather get a "You'll burn in hell", at least that's honest, instead of being self-righteous bollocks, acting like the "better" person to look superior.
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I agree, in that context it is very condescending, obnoxious and insulting. You'd be right to be very angry at that.

But if it's your Christian (or other) friend simply remembering you in his or her Christmas prayers, it's heartfelt, sincere and loving.
 
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I go back and forth on this issue. It makes my blood pressure rise whenever I hear this phrase, for the exact same reasons the OP does. They ain't doing anything to actually help, I overheard one woman saying she would pray for another whose mother had cancer. I thought why don't you do something useful like donate to cancer research, or better yet support science education. Even better still educate people around you to be better critical thinkers in the hopes that someone will make a difference (voting, funding, education) to improve cancer (and all medical) research.

Outwardly I suppose who is telling me this phrase, some elderly woman from my mothers church? Or some peer at work? In the first case I guess I would say, "thank you" to my peer I hope I would say, "I'm sure that's the least you could do."

I've heard others say (not out loud but in posts) "Thanks but no thanks, we now know from prayer and healing studies that those who are prayed for actually do worse than those who were not prayed for, so I would rather you didn't pray for me"

I suppose you could just say, "no thanks, I will trust medical science instead."

Susan
 
Thanks all...Yes, I do feel it is heartfelt and no doubt they mean well. Like I said, it is just a vent. (Hospitals make me very cranky.) I just put it through my translator and it comes out, "You are all in our thoughts" OK..that's nice and I'll take a warm fuzzy if that's my only choice.
 
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Nankay said:
How do you respond to someone saying "I'm praying for you."?
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First off, I'm glad to know that your husband has turned the corner. :D

As for answering your question, to me it all depends upon context. If they say it out of sympathy or concern, then I usually just say "Thanks" (most people close to me know I'm an atheist). I think it is appropriate to thank them because they are being sympathetic in the manner in which they were raised.

Now, if they say "I'm praying for you" out of a desire to be smarmy or nasty (which I've also seen), then I respond in kind. Nastily :mad:

ETA: The next time someone prays for you out of sympathy, thank them and then ask them to act on their good intentions by getting you that bucket of chicken. Then you find out who your real friends are ;)
 
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Safe-Keeper said:
Got nothing against people praying for me. What you complain about is just as much their unwillingness to help you, and using an excuse (in this case prayer) to feel good about it.
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There's nothing to say their unwilling, merely that they're not psychic.


Perhaps speaking, rather than screaming on the inside would be more effective
 
"Perhaps speaking, rather than screaming on the inside would be more effective "
True, but I'm not one to ask until help is actually offered. (My midwest upbringing I guess) Hubby is home now and so far I have heard only one "prayers were answered" comment. oy
 
What can one do to help ?

Dunstan said:
In the context of the original post, I interpret it as the theists' equivalent of me saying "I hope you get well soon," so it wouldn't bother me.

Of course it's not as good as actually helping, but it's not clear to me if they were claiming it was.
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In the sense that it is a euphemism for 'get well soon' it doesn't bother me. The question that can be harder to ask is what specifically can I do to help, which wouldn't be condescending in itself. i.e. could one do too much, overstay impeed etc.

Perhaps asking for something specific wouldn't be too much to ask, and would give them a sense of true helping out. -- for example, 'my husband usually cooks a great meal, I was wondering if it wouldn't be too much trouble if you could help us out with a home cooked meal.'
 
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