Peanut Butter, The Atheist's Nightmare!

[rdaneel]

Sooo... if the jar of peanut butter is closed off and has been sterilised so no life exists in it, and no new life can ever form inside it... Why does it have an expiration date on it? Either expiration dates reflect the time abiogenesis is likely to occur or they are an evolutionist conspiracy and jarred and tinned food stays edible for all eternity.

Best eaten before it eats you.

 

[Bellatrix]

Wow. I’m not sure how a fundy could believe that let alone rational people. Maybe that’s the answer separating passion from reason is an evolutionary trait.

 

[Apathia]

But you can get God from a jar of peanut butter: the God Pan!

"If you believve in peanut butter,
Clap your hands.
If you believe in peanut butter,
You believe in Peter Pan"

(Old Peter Pan brand peanut butter advertising jingle.)

Uh oh! God wasn't in my jar of Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
Sam and Ella were!
http://money.aol.com/news/articles/...o/20070405151509990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

 

[Rrose Selavy]

Hey, it could have been worse. He could have used a jar of Marmite -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmite

 

[Apathia]

Hey, it could have been worse. He could have used a jar of Marmite -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmite

Oh the horror! To think we may have been decanted from a yeast infection!

 

[Wat Tyler]

Hey, it could have been worse. He could have used a jar of Marmite -

Oh the horror! To think we may have been decanted from a yeast infection!

OI!

NO!

Don't be hatin' on Marmite - it is God's Own Yeast Extract!

It's a byproduct of making Bass beer - which is, of course, God's Own Beverage - so how can it fail?

The Special Limited-Edition Guinness-based version kicks ass too.

If ye be dissin' either of these Holy Products, then the Lord Almighty Himself will smite down thy heretical ass by afflicting thee with the vexatious curse of British Teeth!

 

[delphi_ote]

Can't a guy make a peanut butter and banana sandwich without all the ****ing nightmares?! Thanks a lot, God!

 

[grayman]

The only atheist having nightmares about peanut butter would be one that has an anaphylactic shock reaction brought on by peanuts and related products.

 

[rachaella]

The only atheist having nightmares about peanut butter would be one that has an anaphylactic shock reaction brought on by peanuts and related products.

You know, you stole what I was just coming here to write about. How yes, I am an atheist, and yes, I do genuinely have nightmares relating to peanut butter since I have had anaphylactic reactions during my past peanut butter encounters! Especially since peanut butter is rather difficult to extract from one's mouth - all sticky and gooey. It is particularly nightmarish for one with severe food allergies. Thank goodness for almond butter!

 

[Jeff Corey]

Oh my dog. They really are that stupid.... really.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Missler

(Chuck has a phD, by the way, so you better listen to him!)

Not according to his website. The engineering degree is a MS.

 

[tsig]

Not according to his website. The engineering degree is a MS.

How did you even find this dead thread?

 

[One Skunk Todd]

We left it laying around for a while and it spontaneously came back to life.

 

[Cainkane1]

Move over friendly. A new nightmare is out there.



The-Atheists-Nightmare,Chuck-Missler

Between this and the bananna there just has to be a god. I often wondered if perhaps a new organism has evolved to survive in a sealed jar of pasteurized peanut butter. One day someone will open the jar and some frightening mutant will jump out.

I only wish our bodies were as well designed as the human developed bananna.

 

[AdMan]

How did you even find this dead thread?

What are the chances of two dead threads on the same topic being resurrected on the same day by two different posters?

This one was also brought back to life today:

http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=78269

If this can happen, then I have no doubt life can arise spontaneously in a sealed jar of peanut butter.

 

[Moon-Spinner]

Having a food intolerance to peanuts, peanut butter is likely to end my life - How do you explain that?!!!

 

[dasmiller]

I don't know about you guys, but, frankly, I'm a little intimidated. I mean, that guy can look at a jar of peanut butter and see that there's no new bacteria-sized life? I'm doing well if I can see a mite-sized bug against a white background, but a single bacteria-sized thing would be thousands of times smaller. And he can simply glance into a jar of peanut butter and tell that there are no new bacteria-sized living things.

I can only envy such visual capabilities.

 

[RenaissanceBiker]

Having a food intolerance to peanuts, peanut butter is likely to end my life - How do you explain that?!!!

God put peanuts on this world and he made you allergic to them. He clearly wants you to eat them and die. Why are you trying to thwart God's will?

 

[fuelair]

I thought this was going to be a parody of the Banana video with Kirk Cameron.

Boy was I wrong.

What parody? Kirk has proved evolution - the banana obviously evolved to fit where Kirk really likes to put bananas (and, I believe, cucumbers). Backdoor proof supreme!!!

 

[12AX7]

The Betty Crocker cake mix at the store said that if you take the mix, add in 2 eggs, some oil and milk and expose it to head for a period of time, you'll get a cake.

Well not having any cake mix at home, I put some fajita seasoning mix in a pan with some eggs, milk and oil and baked it for a few minutes... it was nothing like a cake at all. Proof that Betty Crocker is a crock alright!

Wow.

That reminds me, I have a copy of 'Kitchen MILFs 3' around here somewhere.

 

[thaiboxerken]

This is the nightmare.