Ed Murder is fine ... if you're a woman

[Naive1000]

Well, if Leftysergeant had any say, he'd have been jailed for the emotional abuse he'd been causing that poor gal. Unless, of course, he was south asian, in which case he should have been executed.

Yes, if he had killed her one wonders what kind of sympathy he would of received, if any.

 

[bookitty]

Too much of that sort of thing, dismissed at first, can lead to horrendous acts down the road when the victim can no longer keep it in check. You could say that the deceased sort of put the weapon to his own head.



Doesn't bother me much at all. Maybe if more bullies had to worry about the Bobbit solution or the "Goodbye, Earl" solution, they might be less inclined to turn violent.

Whoa now! That's horrible. We should never applaud murder or maiming regardless of provocation. One of the benefits of a properly working society is that victims can get away and perpetrators can get help. (Not that our society is working properly by any means but that should be the goal.) When we say "That bully deserved it!" we are focusing on retribution instead of reduction of harm. Vigilantism makes for good movie but it sucks as a social solution.

I know people who benefited greatly from anger management courses. Several of them would have been a risk to a partner if they had not gotten help. (Both male & female, btw.) Fortunately, they had friends who encouraged them to address their anti-social behaviors and access to the means to do so.

 

[Polaris]

Whoa now! That's horrible. We should never applaud murder or maiming regardless of provocation. One of the benefits of a properly working society is that victims can get away and perpetrators can get help. (Not that our society is working properly by any means but that should be the goal.) When we say "That bully deserved it!" we are focusing on retribution instead of reduction of harm. Vigilantism makes for good movie but it sucks as a social solution.

I know people who benefited greatly from anger management courses. Several of them would have been a risk to a partner if they had not gotten help. (Both male & female, btw.) Fortunately, they had friends who encouraged them to address their anti-social behaviors and access to the means to do so.

Not only that, but Lefty seems to have completely ignored that there was no evidence that she was abused. Hell, even the infidelity (crappy, but arguably not abuse) was not proven anywhere outside that woman's mind.

The larger issue here I think is how quickly people will say "oh, well **** him, he's a monster who had it coming to him" the second the word "abusive" gets used (provided it happens to a man). It's similar to how an accusation of rape - even when a demonstrable lie - will ruin a man's life and reputation.

 

[joesixpack]

That's kind of my point. It's really hard to put up a defense or give your side when you're dead. This only leaves the killers side which I wonder why we are so apt to believe.

We believe it because the dominant narrative has been crafted through identity politics. The same mindset that says only white people are capable of racism easily asserts that only men are capable of abuse.

 

[bookitty]

Not only that, but Lefty seems to have completely ignored that there was no evidence that she was abused. Hell, even the infidelity (crappy, but arguably not abuse) was not proven anywhere outside that woman's mind.

The larger issue here I think is how quickly people will say "oh, well **** him, he's a monster who had it coming to him" the second the word "abusive" gets used (provided it happens to a man). It's similar to how an accusation of rape - even when a demonstrable lie - will ruin a man's life and reputation.

The case in the OP is a huge mess. There's quite a lot that needs further clarification. A discussion of the social and legal ramifications of partner abuse might be better served with a less nuanced case.

You are right about that larger issue. Being seen as the aggressor is the flip side to social expectations of men. They are expected to be in control, they are expected to lead. They are not expected to work as a partner but as a boss. There is still some lingering social acceptance of men aggressively putting women in their place. (As the joke goes -What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?)

This is harmful to men in many ways. They are unfairly pre-judged by this standard by being seen as the aggressor when they were not, or seen as weak if they are not aggressive enough. More subtly, we are cooperative animals. Being socialized to not accept help or to always try to be in control can cause unnecessary stress to relationships and to the self.

We need to grant all humans full range of emotion and action - both good and bad.

 

[Naive1000]

...[snip]... I know people who benefited greatly from anger management courses. Several of them would have been a risk to a partner if they had not gotten help. (Both male & female, btw.) Fortunately, they had friends who encouraged them to address their anti-social behaviors and access to the means to do so.

See that's the place where we need to get. Instead of dealing with aftermath, we should be trying to stop the problem before it happens. Or, deal with it when it starts at the least.