Man arrested for beating his cockatoo in public

[Checkmite]

Holy moly.

Officer Jeffrey Dean wrote in his report that an intoxicated Kutney was "striking the bird, ripping out its feathers, flipping the bird and squeezing it and attempting to sit on the bird" a little before 7 p.m. Saturday.

The report doesn't say why Kutney was abusing the bird.

After Kutney was in handcuffs, police began to search him.

"As I pinned Kutney to the side of the van," Dean reports, "his shorts fell down to his ankles. Kutney was not wearing any underwear at that time."

Well of course not.

 

[Moss]

I get that it is a rather cruel and mean thing to do but I can't stop laughing about the words used in the news article...

 

[Checkmite]

Yes, there was evidently much flipping of the bird.

 

[shemp]

At least he wasn't choking a chicken.

 

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Who among us hasn't beat our cockatoo after a night of drinking?

 

[Tsukasa Buddha]

Clearly the real world repercussions of Hatoful Boyfriend have been greater than expected.

 

[Checkmite]

Who among us hasn't beat our cockatoo after a night of drinking?

Fair enough; but I'm pretty sure most of us wouldn't try sitting on one...

 

[angrysoba]

I think the writer of that article was 'avvin a larrff!

"So, er... was he... flipping the bird?" *suppressed guffaw*

"Oh, yeah, he was flipping the bird, pulling out the feathers..."

"Sitting on his cockatoo?" *muffled giggling*

"Yeah, sitting on it..."

"Squeezing his cockatoo...?"

 

[JamesDillon]

Who among us hasn't beat our cockatoo after a night of drinking?

Just goes to show that beating one's cockatoo is best done in the privacy of the home.

 

[fuelair]

Just goes to show that beating one's cockatoo is best done in the privacy of the home.

Well, I guess that would be o.k. - as long as the bird has a safe word.

 

[Checkmite]

What if the bird is the word?

 

[Sword_Of_Truth]

What if the bird is the word?

Haven't you heard?

 

[Craig4]

Hey maybe the cockatoo was being a real dick.

 

[SezMe]

I'd love to watch one of those news bimbos read this story off the teleprompter.

 

[Damien Evans]

The Cockatoo probably started it.

 

[Moss]

I'd love to watch one of those news bimbos read this story off the teleprompter.

Seriously?

 

[Tricky]

Somebody got a little too hooked on Angry Birds.

 

[Damien Evans]

I should note that a local Yellow-Tailed Black Cockatoo has been crapping on my car from an overhanging tree for the past week, so I'm presently ill-disposed toward Cockatoos.

 

[ravdin]

When I saw the thread's title, I thought you were talking about the Kony 2012 director.

 

[Morrigan]

Poor cockatoo!