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Loose Change

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They only think they do, if they only knew that I recently removed the matress tags on all of Wilson Ingle's (Santa Fe, NM) matresses and replaced them with matress tags for different beds, it would blow their mind! Not to mention that we single handedly replaced every duck in Athens Ohio with a goose. Guffaw I say! Guffaw!!
Well done, 43. You are an example to us all. For your hard work, you will recieve 7 promotions and 6 demotions. We'll send your official notice once we finish our sinister plan to clone the DNA of the last homing pigeon and teach it to operate submarines by remote control.

1/666, did you finish altering the scripts for the next Matrix movies like I asked?
 
1/666, did you finish altering the scripts for the next Matrix movies like I asked?
Are you telling me that your conspiracy is responsible for both 24 and the matrix? My god, I knew yo had "reach", but I'm starting to get scared now.
Are you also behind the secret plot to vary the trans fat content of chicken McNugtes between different cities in the US, and WORLD WIDE!


Also, can I join your conspiracy? I could run your bureaucracy for you, I have some great ideas on intrinsically evil, but needlessly complicated and just downright stupid filing systems. I think it would fit with your operational style.
 
Are you also behind the secret plot to vary the trans fat content of chicken McNugtes between different cities in the US, and WORLD WIDE!
No. We were behind the disinformation campaign that made people THINK the trans fat content varied between different cities. It was vital to an ongoing operation in Portland that the residents believe they were unjustly targeted by McDonalds.

This made them all eat at Wendys, where we slightly increased the salt content of the french fries. In the grand scheme of things, this keeps people driving cars, which props up the auto industry, which props up the oil industry, which props up stock in Toys R Us. I'll let you work out the rest, as it should be obvious at this point.

Also, can I join your conspiracy? I could run your bureaucracy for you, I have some great ideas on intrinsically evil, but needlessly complicated and just downright stupid filing systems. I think it would fit with your operational style.
How does your filing system do on accidentally leaking subtle hints about its contents to obscure press agencies? It's important that the more devastatingly important the file, the more likely it will be lost.

If it performs well in these regards, welcome to the team! Your uniform will be delivered once we calculate the trajectory necessary to shoot it into orbit in such a way that it re-enters and lands on your neighbor's cat (he knows too much!)
 
Since this seems to be the place for it, I'd just like to give my status report.

It seems our sock acquisitions are up by 24% this month, and so far we've managed this increase without obtaining a single matching pair.

I believe the ninjas are working out very well, sir.
If it weren't for the pesky Loosers, we'd be up to 37.5% by now! We're never going to reach our annual annoyance quota at this rate... we're going to have to up the timetable on Operation Lost Keys.
 
My favorite part is...

* 4000 Israelis/Jews didn't show up for work at the WTC, based on hints from Shabak, according to Arab diplomatic sources. The US knows this.
I'll reiterate the response I gave back in 2001, when a friend of mine forwarded that claim which he'd received from an Egyptian friend of his.
Shin Beit is the Israeli internal security organization; it does not operate outside Israel and the Territories, because that's Mossad's bailiwick. In practice, this means that Shin Beit is primarily involved in keeping tabs on Palestinians. Thus, for Shin Beit to have caught wind to have caught wind of this, and to have been the organization to alert Israeli nationals in NYC (rather than Mossad), 9/11 must have been carried out by Palestinians.

Not quite the insinuation we were hoping to get across, eh?

Besides, the 4,000 number is bogus. There were, what, 22,000 people working in the WTC complex? And a fifth of those were supposedly Israeli nationals? Not a chance. The 4,000 number isn't quite pulled out of nowhere, though: it's the number of Israeli nationals working in NYC as a whole. Not just the WTC, not just Manhattan, but all of NYC. Now why would someone with a job in upper Manhattan, let alone Brooklyn, Queens or any of the outer boroughs, avoid showing up for work on that day?

That story was sh*te when it first came out shortly after 9/11, and it's no less sh*te several years later. You had to be a complete moron to buy it then, and even more so now.
 
How does your filing system do on accidentally leaking subtle hints about its contents to obscure press agencies? It's important that the more devastatingly important the file, the more likely it will be lost.
a vital part of the system involves storing approximately 1.6% of all our documents classified 11 levels above TOP SECRET on websites which the public can access, we will also give 4% of our documentation to the CT nuts for safe keeping, thereby decreasing our storage requirements by 4%, allowing more room for socks. the filing system also rely on only have two files, stupid implausible stuff we have done, and stupid implausible stuff we are doing, each file jacket will be approximately 25 miles thick, I would need permission to use a couple of persons of Hench in the organization to develop the worlds largest, and most pointless paper clip, but I think you'll find it worthwhile.

If it performs well in these regards, welcome to the team! Your uniform will be delivered once we calculate the trajectory necessary to shoot it into orbit in such a way that it re-enters and lands on your neighbor's cat (he knows too much!)
excellent, it will be a pleasure groveling to your every command.
 
we will also give 4% of our documentation to the CT nuts for safe keeping, thereby decreasing our storage requirements by 4%
Though the rest of your plan is great, this part sounds dangerously efficient to me. How about we keep a blank sheet of paper around for each page we offload on the CTers? That way, we can keep track of how much we've given them. Also, if someone breaks into our files to verify the CTer's story, they'll just find blank page after blank page!

We will, of course, have to fill out and file the 15 necessary classification forms for each blank page we put on file (and the 15 classification forms for each of the 15 classification forms we put on file.)
 
Though the rest of your plan is great, this part sounds dangerously efficient to me. How about we keep a blank sheet of paper around for each page we offload on the CTers? That way, we can keep track of how much we've given them. Also, if someone breaks into our files to verify the CTer's story, they'll just find blank page after blank page!

We will, of course, have to fill out and file the 15 necessary classification forms for each blank page we put on file (and the 15 classification forms for each of the 15 classification forms we put on file.)
I like it, and would be happy to incorporate in int my filing system, as soon as you have filled out form Ac29-b, all Ac-prefix forms are to be completed on a Tuesday, and then shredded on a Thursday after processing. We will then file the shreddings.
 
No. We were behind the disinformation campaign that made people THINK the trans fat content varied between different cities. It was vital to an ongoing operation in Portland that the residents believe they were unjustly targeted by McDonalds.

This made them all eat at Wendys, where we slightly increased the salt content of the french fries. In the grand scheme of things, this keeps people driving cars, which props up the auto industry, which props up the oil industry, which props up stock in Toys R Us. I'll let you work out the rest, as it should be obvious at this point.

Of course: we're targetting the kids.
 
Of course: we're targetting the kids.
No no no. We want people to think we're thinking about targeting the kids. Then they'll let down their guard, because every time they think they've figured out what we're doing, we always do the opposite. When we really go for the kids, because we're telling everyone to suspect it, they won't suspect a thing!
 
I miss the good ol' days, when we could still refer to them as henchmen...
But didn't you know TEH GLOBALISTS are being the new "religion" of political correctness, which incorporates mutually exclusive elements of both far left, and far right ideologies, but which really, really just focuses on bat guano crazy stuff.
 
You know, on reading this thread I think we have missed the big picture. In the face of lies, deceit and willful obfuscation the JREF forum stands for truth, honesty and the principles of critical thinking.

JREF forum members take a bow.
 
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