I tried listening to the files, but I am on a Mac and wmv files won't play. I followed a link, but I'm not going to pay for the plug-in to enable Quicktime Player to be able to play them! I don't know if it would invalidate the "test" if someone could convert them to a format playable on a Mac?
Don't bow out the thread, others peoples experiences are so interesting. I never took to drink or drugs in life. Deeply mind-altering stuff. (I put your site to faves, will spend a couple of hours on it tomorrow) Thank u for sharing yourself here.
I get dry mouth when I speak of certain experiences. My insides quiver, and I become tongue-tied, etc. Horrid sensations. If anyone (a friend or a group) ever mentioned spooks, them sensations would flare and I'd have to make excuses and dash. I found peace and solace when I moved to here 12 years ago.
Can you remember what it was at that time that caused the trouble you'd been having to stop? I find it hard to believe that a simple physical location change could block a spirit from following you. So you must have changed your state of mind, or stopped paying attention to them, and that's why they stopped. Perhaps the demands of motherhood took all your attention?
Immersion in helping at Friends of the Earth was a great help to me. But also, while still in India, I had met the challenge of being threatened with the notion that "it's the devil" by starting to pray... but as I have never been into formal religion [to keep it simple here I leave out some experiences that are not necessary to describe... simply, I was never convinced of any religion] I turned in my heart and mind to "the source of life and intelligence, the source from which I felt myself to have come, the ground of compassionate intelligence", and prayed to that, being careful to not use any names which could therefore tie me to any lesser deities or demons pretending to be god, such as Jesus or Jah or what have you... and so I wrapped myself in my intuitive innocence and trumped any magic powers of any spirits or supernatural entities with the intuitive knowledge that [if I was being attacked by magic, and I knew nothing of what protective magic I could use to fight them]
the highest form of magic is love.
With those "realisations" I felt impervious to true invasion (I also recalled hearing somewhere, or maybe just made it up, that nothing can get into you unless you invite it in), I was able to stop "cooperating" with the voices etc, by which I mean I stopped trying to understand them... they'd given me so many differing interpretations of what was happening by then that I had come to the conclusion that they were deliberately trying to confuse me so I wouldn't be able to reveal to anyone else what the actual truth was... which was probably the first idea at the start of it all that they were trying to recruit me... possibly the KGB trying to recruit down-and-out hippies to return to the west as spies (this was in the 70s)!
So I stopped playing the game, as it were, and hitch hiked overland back to Britain (a necessary step to check if this was the same planet I had been on when I originally traveled out there nearly three years earlier... I had early on when all this started thought something had changed, and so figured out that I had been taken to an artificial world where the "training" of their recruits took place... others around me seemed to know what was going on (which I knew by their confident competence...no one ever told me these things)... but I turned out to be not smart enough to pick it up, hence my failure to properly comprehend the messages)... by the time I got back to Europe I knew this was really planet Earth.
Another rationalisation I made was that it couldn't be the KGB because the technology couldn't yet exist for inserting phrases into people's heads (sudden notions would appear in my head, and I just
knew they had come from outside, because they were completely out of the blue... I'd never had such experiences before, the gestation of even inspired thoughts in writing poems always felt like they had come from within, whereas these "inserted" notions suddenly appeared in my head as if I'd heard them on a radio [the things I heard on actual radios were still "out there", while these were received "in here"... they felt qualitatively different]... this made me dismiss the KGB angle, back in the 70s... it wouldn't have been so easy now, as the notion of nanotechnology makes the insertion of machines into a person's head more plausible!
The point of all this is that I trusted myself and my instincts (I'd had a loving family and an atheist upbringing, so I was able to conceive of that condition as my home, and returned to it... except not having family in Europe I had to find alternative family, which for me was F.o.E., and the good people of all this world... the human family!) I had to learn to simply not go into the question of "what did that bird just say to me?"
As I have indicated, over the years in times of stress the whole attic of rubbish would fall out onto my head whenever I got into trouble with stressful situations (the war on drug users being usually the trigger) and I would get the fear that I had been kidding myself that I had "escaped", and the birds would be urgently trying to get through to me again... but each time I found it easier to pull myself back out... strange state of mind to be experiencing a "reality" that I was instinctively skeptical of!
I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to you flaccon. This piecemeal presentation of this tangle of experience is going to get confusing. It's always been hard to think about it all, it was so intense.
The main thing is that you found peace for some reason for awhile. You need to figure out how you did that, and then think about what started your new phase of "interacting" with your voices.
I think it is your desire to experience them that is causing them. You feed the phenomena with your attention.
If you could accept that science is a far more powerful way of knowing the world than your personal misunderstandings and partial awareness, and trust that scientists are (like the vast majority of people in this world, I feel I've confirmed through many years of roaming Europe, sometimes homeless, hitching and meeting so many decent and kind people) decent human beings doing the best they can... the findings of science that there simply is no supernatural world... then you could simply decide to stop paying attention to these apparently supernatural things and realise your freedom to be untroubled!