LDS II: The Mormons

Slowvehicle said:
Did you miss the "meso-" and "austro-"? Where, in your oh-so-informed opinion, did the First Nations reside?
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Kid, I was a non-Mormon Anthro major when Meso-Americans, later known as First Nations people, were all over two and a half continents. Austro-Americans intrigue me, as there were many people who could make the trip.

For that matter, where did the "nephites" reside?
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Who the **** are the Nephites? Who imagined them here? Iron? Horses? Neither were here, nor Jesus, as he was dead and would have nothing to do with such a half-assed theology.

FTR, you shouldn't make assumptions.
 
dropzone said:
Kid, I was a non-Mormon Anthro major when Meso-Americans, later known as First Nations people, were all over two and a half continents. Austro-Americans intrigue me, as there were many people who could make the trip.

Who the **** are the Nephites? Who imagined them here? Iron? Horses? Neither were here, nor Jesus, as he was dead and would have nothing to do with such a half-assed theology.

FTR, you shouldn't make assumptions.
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Sweetie, you may be confusing me with someone else, and this thread with something else.

Catch up, then come back.
 
Zivan said:
Bears.

Spirit Bears.

Possibly speckled Spirit Bears (wearing silk pajamas and using salad forks, but that part is unclear)..........
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Spirit Drop Bears.

Why not? The Book of Mormon makes so many other demonstrably false claims about the Americas why not add a supernatural version of an Australian folklore gag?

An army of Spirit Drop Bears turned the tide against the Nephites in battle. They were angry at the Nephites for killing and skinning them to make saddles for their horses, so they came back from the dead for vengeance.
 
halleyscomet said:
Spirit Drop Bears.

Why not? The Book of Mormon makes so many other demonstrably false claims about the Americas why not add a supernatural version of an Australian folklore gag?

An army of Spirit Drop Bears turned the tide against the Nephites in battle. They were angry at the Nephites for killing and skinning them to make saddles for their horses, so they came back from the dead for vengeance.
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Can we get Samuel L. Jackson cast as the leader of the Drop Bear Army?
 
Slowvehicle said:
Can we get Samuel L. Jackson cast as the leader of the Drop Bear Army?
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Good God. It would be the most epic Animated feature for adults since Fritz the Cat.

"I'm tired of all these ************* Nephites skinning my ************* family to make saddles for their ************* horses! And where the **** did they get horses anyway?"

"Coming this Summer, 'Revenge of the Dropbears.'"
 
I read some great books about the 30 Years War, with compelling political philosophy and interesting characters. Some "nitpickers" would point out that a 20th century West Virginian town was never transplanted into 17th century Europe, but I still think it's historically accurate.
 
Donn said:
Dropbears on a plain.
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halleyscomet said:
Nah. Too short a drop from the overhead to the passengers.
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...and this? This right here is why it is still worth hanging out here...

Say, rather, on the plains there is no place for the drop bears from which to drop; that is, unless thay have their own planes...

"Out on three! Go! Go! Go!"
 
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halleyscomet said:
Spirit Drop Bears.

An army of Spirit Drop Bears turned the tide against the Nephites in battle. They were angry at the Nephites for killing and skinning them to make saddles for their horses, so they came back from the dead for vengeance.
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When they were just regular wrath-y Drop Bears, before they resurrected as Spirit Drop Bears, did they arrive in the americas on noah's ark? Or on the nephite ship in 600 bce?

And was it the spirit drop bears, or god, that "hid" all the evidence?

I like to learn factual history, so these details are important to know.
 
Zivan said:
When they were just regular wrath-y Drop Bears, before they resurrected as Spirit Drop Bears, did they arrive in the americas on noah's ark? Or on the nephite ship in 600 bce?

And was it the spirit drop bears, or god, that "hid" all the evidence?

I like to learn factual history, so these details are important to know.
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It starts with Nephi having "Plot Armor." He's an idiot, possibly the single dumbest, most incompetent human being depicted in a holy book. A Drop Bear was attracted to the scene when Nephi was busy rationalizing the cowardly murder and beheading of Laban. You see, cutting the head off a helpless, drunk, unconscious man results in a lot of blood, which attracted the Drop Bear.

The Drop bear went to town munching on Laban's body while Nephi was looting Laban's corpse. The drop bear ended up tangled in the stolen clothing. It was a pregnant drop bear and spent most the next few weeks tagging along hidden in bundles of clothing, eating scraps the lazy, pampered and generally moronic Nephi party left behind. It eventually hitched a ride to the New World with Nephi.

The Drop Bear gave birth to her young in the New world, but her descendants were, like Nephi and his descendants, not quite up to par due to heavy inbreeding. The inbreeding kept them from spreading very far, so when whatever cataclysm came along that magically erased all evidence of horses, Old World grains, iron ore mining, smelting and steel manufacture and all the other anachronisms in the Book of Mormon, the heavily inbred Drop bears, along with all evidence of their existence, were wiped out as well.

Now, here's the bit that makes this post legitimate, on-topic criticism of the Book of Mormon and not a tangent. If I can get a few people to testify that what I just wrote was transcribed from metal plates, I will have provided the exact same level of evidence for Drop Bears in the pre-Columbian Americas, as the LDS Church has provided for the historical accuracy of the Book of Mormon.

How the drop bear got to Israel in the first place is a mystery. God works in mysterious ways.
 
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halleyscomet said:
It starts with Nephi having "Plot Armor." He's an idiot, possibly the single dumbest, most incompetent human being depicted in a holy book. A Drop Bear was attracted to the scene when Nephi was busy rationalizing the cowardly murder and beheading of Laban. You see, cutting the head off a helpless, drunk, unconscious man results in a lot of blood, which attracted the Drop Bear.

The Drop bear went to town munching on Laban's body while Nephi was looting Laban's corpse. The drop bear ended up tangled in the stolen clothing. It was a pregnant drop bear and spent most the next few weeks tagging along hidden in bundles of clothing, eating scraps the lazy, pampered and generally moronic Nephi party left behind. It eventually hitched a ride to the New World with Nephi.

The Drop Bear gave birth to her young in the New world, but her descendants were, like Nephi and his descendants, not quite up to par due to heavy inbreeding. The inbreeding kept them from spreading very far, so when whatever cataclysm came along that magically erased all evidence of horses, Old World grains, iron ore mining, smelting and steel manufacture and all the other anachronisms in the Book of Mormon, the heavily inbred Drop bears, along with all evidence of their existence, were wiped out as well.
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Fascinating!

Now, here's the bit that makes this post legitimate, on-topic criticism of the Book of Mormon and not a tangent. If I can get a few people to testify that what I just wrote was transcribed from metal plates, I will have provided the exact same level of evidence for Drop Bears in the pre-Columbian Americas, as the LDS Church has provided for the historical accuracy of the Book of Mormon.
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While I was reading what you wrote, I had a vision of you transcribing the account from metal plates. In the vision, their were several other people that saw you transcribing from the plates as well.

We can all testify that what you wrote is all true and transcribed from ancient plates written in cuneiform.

How the drop bear got to Israel in the first place is a mystery. God works in mysterious ways.
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There were kangaroos and penguins on the ark so there must have been Drop Bears too, and that is how they arrived in israel. Otherwise they could not have sailed with the nephites!

Yes, tammuz works in mysterious ways......
 
Zivan said:
While I was reading what you wrote, I had a vision of you transcribing the account from metal plates. In the vision, their were several other people that saw you transcribing from the plates as well.

We can all testify that what you wrote is all true and transcribed from ancient plates written in cuneiform.

There were kangaroos and penguins on the ark so there must have been Drop Bears too, and that is how they arrived in israel. Otherwise they could not have sailed with the nephites!

Yes, tammuz works in mysterious ways......
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AMEN!

The first witness has come forward. Remember, in the grand tradition of Mormon witnesses, visions are a legitimate means of seeing the proof you need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Mormon_witnesses

The Book of Mormon had a total of eleven official witnesses, twelve if you count Mary Musselman Whitmer, who claimed to be a witness but Smith never bothered to mention.

To reach the official tally of eleven, I need ten more witnesses. Once I have them my account of Drop Bears in the Pre-Columbian Americas will have met the exact same standard of evidence as the Book of Mormon.

Come forward and TESTIFY my friends!
 
halleyscomet said:
AMEN!

The first witness has come forward. Remember, in the grand tradition of Mormon witnesses, visions are a legitimate means of seeing the proof you need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Mormon_witnesses

The Book of Mormon had a total of eleven official witnesses, twelve if you count Mary Musselman Whitmer, who claimed to be a witness but Smith never bothered to mention.

To reach the official tally of eleven, I need ten more witnesses. Once I have them my account of Drop Bears in the Pre-Columbian Americas will have met the exact same standard of evidence as the Book of Mormon.

Come forward and TESTIFY my friends!
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I say HalleyLooieYa, and GoodONya!

Truly it came to me in a vision, this corroboration of the masupiapocalypse.

Gold were the plates; angular were the marks; did not my heart soar as the story was told?

Bonzer!
 
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