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LDS II: The Mormons

So ... what are you looking for? A mere statement that I'm aware the DropBear Epistle exists? Or do you need a written affidavit signed in red ink by seven Hobbit lawyers swearing that I've seen the original parchment / gold plates / tissue paper upon which it was written and which, if proven false, would be considered equivalent to perjury?

Also, am I at risk of suffering the same fate as the original three witnesses?
Two of them were excommunicated.
 
Blue Mountain said:
So ... what are you looking for? A mere statement that I'm aware the DropBear Epistle exists? Or do you need a written affidavit signed in red ink by seven Hobbit lawyers swearing that I've seen the original parchment / gold plates / tissue paper upon which it was written and which, if proven false, would be considered equivalent to perjury?



Also, am I at risk of suffering the same fate as the original three witnesses?

Two of them were excommunicated.
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I think all I really need is a statement on par with the BoM witnesses. Having seen the tablets in a "vision" by whatever definition of that term you prefer is sufficient. Since the Dropbear Epistle has no prohibition on alcohol or "hot drinks" your definition of "vision" has considerable flexibility.

As far as excommunication goes, this is a fresh translation of a historical document. I doubt the religious folks who believe the shoddily translated and heavily redacted "Book of Mormon" as it is known today will accept my superior and more accurate translation. Someone may accept the truth of it's superior accuracy, but I doubt there will be a correlation between the document's original witnesses and anyone who forms a religion around it.
 
OK, there used to be a large population of Dropbears here, and they instinctively knew not to eat Australians. For example, seeing somebody eating a 4'nTwenty Pie, or putting a shrimp on the Barbie, or wearing a hat with corks hanging down from it, or picking your nose = they really knew not to touch these people, and only went for the foreign Tourists.

(For foreign tourists, showering in Wombat urine was said to reduce the chance of attack, and reduce the chance of doing anything much at all)

Unfortunately (for the Dropbears) they became close to extinct when the Yowies discovered how delicious they were, and killed of 96.2% of the population. The remaining Dropbears live in isolation and tiny groups, feeding mainly off backpackers.

Norm
 
Zivan said:
Having a beer definitely helps the whole witnessing thing!

Now there are four witnesses!:thumbsup: :D
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Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!
 
Border Reiver said:
Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!
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:D :D :D

Of course your vision was good enough!

And, you even provided an excellent payment plan! :D :thumbsup:
 
Border Reiver said:
Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!
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Woah, woah, woah now. Let's not be too hasty now, especially when it comes to spruce beer. That's good stuff.
 
halleyscomet said:
I'd say that counts.
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Yay! I'm a witness!

Oh, um, I mean, verily, I hath witnessed through the eyes of God the translation of the Dropbear Epistle from the plates of magnesium (*nod the Winter Dropbears*). And so it came to pass that . . . stuff . . . happened. And things.
 
halleyscomet said:
Woah, woah, woah now. Let's not be too hasty now, especially when it comes to spruce beer. That's good stuff.
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Especially since the Keeper of the Drop Bear epistles mandates the drinking of fermented beverages and hot drinks.

This is how churches split apart and later reform.
 
fromdownunder said:
OK, there used to be a large population of Dropbears here, and they instinctively knew not to eat Australians. For example, seeing somebody eating a 4'nTwenty Pie, or putting a shrimp on the Barbie, or wearing a hat with corks hanging down from it, or picking your nose = they really knew not to touch these people, and only went for the foreign Tourists.

(For foreign tourists, showering in Wombat urine was said to reduce the chance of attack, and reduce the chance of doing anything much at all)

Unfortunately (for the Dropbears) they became close to extinct when the Yowies discovered how delicious they were, and killed of 96.2% of the population. The remaining Dropbears live in isolation and tiny groups, feeding mainly off backpackers.

Norm
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True story?
 
Trebuchet said:
Aaah, but are you one of the select 144,000; or just one of the other suckers?
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Oh, that number is just symbolic of there being a LOT of elect. It's like the Aztecs calling the innumerable gods of fermentation the "400 Rabbits." Those numbers looked BIG 2,000 and 3,000 years ago.
 
Trebuchet said:
Aaah, but are you one of the select 144,000; or just one of the other suckers?
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Wait, aren't the 144,000 virgins? Yeah . . . no. Not one of them . . . . Unless I adopt the whole "kept myself spiritually pure" definition of virgin like some on the site.

Actually, even in that case . . . .
 
If any of you ever wondered how the Mormons got the money to build the Nauvoo (Wikipedia), I think this is it:
Mormon David Nielsen left his job at Ensign Peak Advisors, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ investment firm, and filed an IRS whistleblower complaint. He speaks with Sharyn Alfonsi.
Mormon whistleblower: Church’s investment firm masquerades as charity (60 Minutes on YouTube, May 15, 2023)
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I have never seen this old Danish movie (1911): A Victim of the Mormons (Wikipedia).
Maybe it's the reason why Mormons aren't popular in Denmark.
It may also have been the reason why Mormon blockers for children with parental consent sold so well 100 years ago.
 
dann said:
If any of you ever wondered how the Mormons got the money to build the Nauvoo (Wikipedia), I think this is it:

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This has been an ongoing controversy in my city for well over a year, although this is the first time we've learned the identity of the whistle blower and heard his claims. However, the U.S. SEC (the government agency that regulates financial securities) recently fined the church millions of dollars for its scheme of hiding its wealth among lots of shell companies and misreporting their holdings.
 
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