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John Lennon Is In Hell...

The place was divided into different sections of torment and suffering. One of the first sections that the Lord allowed us to see was the "Valley of the Cauldrons" as we called it. There were millions of cauldrons. The cauldrons were inlaid at the level of the ground; each of them was burning with lava inside. Inside each one was the soul of a person who had died and gone to hell.

As soon as those souls saw the Lord, they started to shout and screamed, "Lord, have mercy on us! Lord give me a chance to get out of this place! Lord, take me out and I will tell the world that this place is real!" But the Lord didn't even look at them. There were millions of men, women and young people in that place. We also saw homosexuals and drunkards in torment. We saw all of these people shouting in such great torment.
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Don't show me lord! take it away. O I can't look. Oh, ok, I'll look just a little bit. Oh it's TERRIBLE Lord... O look at the millions. How gruesome. Gruesome gruesome gruesome. O take it away! Ok I'll look just a little longer. Are those homosexuals? That branded label on the forward sure helped, thanks Lord. Oh they are hurting aren't they.
 
The Lord allowed us to see a man who was inside of one of the cauldrons...
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Hey, does anyone know where hell gets its cauldrons? Cauldrons R Us is cheap crapola, World of Cauldrons is ridiculously overpriced, and IBM stopped making cauldrons I don't know how long ago.

Yeah, and don't tell me they use Crazy Bob's House of Surgical Supplies and Cauldrons. Even Satan's standards can't be that low.
 
Ryan O'Dine said:
Hey, does anyone know where hell gets its cauldrons? Cauldrons R Us is cheap crapola, World of Cauldrons is ridiculously overpriced, and IBM stopped making cauldrons I don't know how long ago.

Yeah, and don't tell me they use Crazy Bob's House of Surgical Supplies and Cauldrons. Even Satan's standards can't be that low.
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Duh! Same place as Harry Potter, obviously. Can't remember the name of the place, but it's down Diagon Alley - you can't miss it. ;)
 
This just occurred to me: Why the **** didn't they bring a camera?!

In related news, Soviet scientists recently dug into Hell:rolleyes:.
 
Aitch said:
Duh! Same place as Harry Potter, obviously. Can't remember the name of the place, but it's down Diagon Alley - you can't miss it. ;)
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It's called "The Cauldron Shop". Not very inventive for Ms. Rowling, so I'm not surprised you couldn't recall it.

They do, however, sell a variety of cauldrons: copper, brass, pewter, silver, self-stirring, collapsible, and solid gold.
 
He said, "Lord have mercy! Lord give me a chance! Lord take me out of this place!" But the Lord Jesus didn't want to look at him. Jesus simply turned his back on him. When Jesus did this, the man started to curse and blaspheme the Lord..
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My question is, what was Jesus doing in Hell with two teenagers in the first place. Was this some sort of school field trip?
 
Safe-Keeper said:
This just occurred to me: Why the **** didn't they bring a camera?!

In related news, Soviet scientists recently dug into Hell:rolleyes:.
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But...they have audio recordings!


Those of you expecting audio recording will be sadly dissapointed. I will however say that I loved the part at the bottom about thirteen oil rig workers being killed when Satan himself burst from the well. THAT is some good ole' fashioned crazy! :D

ETA: By the way; the future of this legend.
 
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