• Quick note - the problem with Youtube videos not embedding on the forum appears to have been fixed, thanks to ZiprHead. If you do still see problems let me know.

I'm Running For Office

Luke T.

Unregistered
L
Joined
May 2, 2003
Messages
14,716
This is a fictional topic. I am going to pretend to be running for President of the U.S. Anyone who wants to run as my opponent, please feel free to post here, too. Let's go with a multi-party system, but limit it to five candidates. So the next four people who announce their candidacy are in.

I will call my Party the Blue party. I would like this to be a demonstration that most of the time we vote for somebody because we agree with some of their beliefs, but not all. And that sometimes we vote on a single issue.

If someone you hate decides to "run" for this office, please don't let your animosity spoil what could be a fun topic by asking them if they would shoot IRS agents in the street on their first day in office.

When I feel the time is right, I will start another topic that will be a poll where you vote for your candidate.

The rest of you are the media. Ask the candidates the hard questions.

The advantage of this method will be that there are no 30 second sound bites. I will answer all of your questions to the max.

A reporter does not debate a candidate. Keep that in mind.

If you ask me who I would nominate for the Supreme Court, I will have to beg off since I don't feel like looking up all the available federal judges. I suppose I could nominate someone here. Maybe I will.

Since I am not a professional politician, you could trip me up by asking me who the President of Lithuania is, I suppose.

If you have a real question to ask that I may not be familiar with the background on, please give some background.

Okay. Here's my "white paper" on abortion, just to give you something to start with:

I consider myself "pro-life." However, I have found that the number of abortions before and after Roe v. Wade remained virtually the same. I feel efforts to overturn Roe v. Wade, while honorable, if successful, will not be very productive.

I have also seen evidence that 47 percent (sound like a politician already, eh?) of all abortions are the result of pregnancies where the mother used no contraception at all.

Therefore, I believe the most productive way to reduce the number of abortions in our great land (harumph!) is not to overturn Roe v. Wade, but to push an aggressive contraceptive education program. However, I would support efforts to overturn Roe v. Wade out of principle.

Now that I have lost the votes of the extremes on both sides of the abortion issue, does anyone have any questions for the candidate?
 
Boxers or briefs? :D

Seriously, though. Do you have a campaign issue that you feel is so compelling that you would move to have it included as an amendment to the Constitution? I would reference last year's noise about anti-flag burning and gay marriage isssues as examples, but would like to hear about ANY issue you feel deserves consideration, controversial or otherwise.
 
Jocko said:
Boxers or briefs? :D

Seriously, though. Do you have a campaign issue that you feel is so compelling that you would move to have it included as an amendment to the Constitution? I would reference last year's noise about anti-flag burning and gay marriage isssues as examples, but would like to hear about ANY issue you feel deserves consideration, controversial or otherwise.
Click to expand...

I don't see an area where the Constitution needs improvement. There is nothing I would do to amend it.

As a 20 year military veteran (ca-ching!), I love the flag as much as anybody. But I feel the amendments should have as their aim a removal of restrictions on rights and liberties, not an increase of restrictions. A flag burning amendment is a restriction.

As for gay marriage, I have to admit I am undecided. I could go on and on about my internal struggle over the matter, but you would only end up as confused as to where I stand as I am.

In any case, I certainly do not feel anything close to a compulsion to amend the Constitution to prevent gay marriage. Especially in light of my previous comment about the removal of restrictions and not additions.

And for the MTV crowd: Boxers.
 
No amendments is the answer I wanted to hear, well done.

Spill it, Luke, this is a friggin' focus group for your exploration committee, ain't it? As a consequence, I want a stipend for my participation. :)
 
Jocko said:
No amendments is the answer I wanted to hear, well done.

Spill it, Luke, this is a friggin' focus group for your exploration committee, ain't it? As a consequence, I want a stipend for my participation. :)
Click to expand...

I did the political thing before the military. What's that expression about laws and sausages? Blech!

If I were to get political IRL again, it would be as a behind the scenes guy.

Some more dope on Luke T. for The Drudge Report:

I am a recovering alcoholic with ten years sobriety under my belt. I have been hospitalized for depression three times (*paging Sen. Eagleton!*), and took antidepressents. I am in my third marriage. I have smoked marijuana and taken LSD and mushrooms. I cheated on my first wife. I will not eat cauliflower.

Come on, am I to run uncontested?
 
I hereby declare my candidacy for President, running under the banner of the Purple Party!

My reply to your White Paper: I agree with part of it. The real problem with abortion in this country is that the Religious Right refuses to accept contraception as a solution. They are opposed to contraception in general because they believe it promotes promiscuity, but they have an even greater problem with the Pill, because part of its function is to thin the lining of the womb, which makes it more difficult for a fertilized egg to implant itself there.

I would keep abortion legal, but I would fund programs to increase awareness and availablity of contraceptives; and I would also fund programs to encourage abstinence, not for moral reasons but for health reasons. I would also fund programs to increase adoption availability by giving adoptive families grants and tax incentives; and I would fund day care and give young mothers financial incentives to keep their babies and raise them adequately, rather than choosing abortion. I would NOT overturn Roe v. Wade.
 
Some of my other positions:

The candidate of the Blue Party is clearly unqualified for the position of President! He's a former drug user who refuses to eat cauliflower! If elected, I promise to never use any drugs (unless I have some), and to eat cauliflower every day!

I also promise to relocate New Orleans to Alaska, to remove all our troops from Iraq and relocate them to New Orleans, and to relocate all of Alaska's oil to Iraq! I promise that there will be a bloodbath of epic proportions, and the gutters will fill with the blood of my enemies! And every Thursday, everyone gets hamburger and eggs!
 
Fun idea, Luke. Here is a reporter's questions to the two candidates (Luke & Shemp)

1. What are your thoughts regarding the deficit and debt?

2. Would you favor or oppose changes in the tax rates?

3. What about spending cuts or increases and where?

4. Any plans for social security?

5. Any plans for medicare/medicaid?

Lurker
 
Delphi Ote here of the Running for Office Thread Times. I have two questions for our candidates. My first question is: what aspect of the U.S. government do you see as most in need of reform or correction and how would you propose to bring about these reforms from your position as president should you be elected? Would you be able to reach across the aisle to work with your counterparts in the opposing party? My second question is how do you see American foreign policy toward Cuba and Cuban refugees developing in light of the War on Terror and the Patriot Act in the next 20 years given Castro's age and our inability to capture Osama Bin Laden?

(this is to test your "make a jovial remark about complicated, multi-part questions while you think a way to duck answering any of the questions asked" skill.)
 
1. What are your thoughts regarding the deficit and debt?

There's definitely too much of it. There was less of it when Clinton was President. I would do whatever it was he did about it, and it would go away.

2. Would you favor or oppose changes in the tax rates?

"Tax the rich and feed the poor, till there are no rich no more."

3. What about spending cuts or increases and where?

I want a line-item veto.

4. Any plans for social security?

Yes, I plan to start collecting it when I'm about 70.

5. Any plans for medicare/medicaid?

Same thing.
 
Lurker said:
Fun idea, Luke. Here is a reporter's questions to the two candidates (Luke & Shemp)

1. What are your thoughts regarding the deficit and debt?
Click to expand...

Government is too often placed in a situation of crisis management. And when a crisis such as the situation in New Orleans arises and we are already in a crushing deficit, such a crisis can too easily tip our economy into a recession.

At the same time, I believe a deficit is not necessarily a bad thing as long as taking less money from the taxpayers is stimulating the economy. We just have to be careful we are not setting ourselves up for a situation like I described above.


2. Would you favor or oppose changes in the tax rates?
Click to expand...

If I were to change the tax rates, it would be to decrease them. At present, however, I would leave them where they are and focus on spending reductions.

3. What about spending cuts or increases and where?
Click to expand...

I believe the Department of Homeland Security should be dissolved. I believe military spending should be increased to put us at the levels we were in 1990, with the stipulation that our military resources would be allocated differently than they were in 1990 as we are in a different world now.

I would ask for a line item veto for the federal budget. I don't think any long term budget balancing will ever occur without this essential tool in the President's repertoire. This will force the individuals who add things to the budget to defend them instead of being able to hide behind the blackmail of me having to swallow a budget whole or not at all, and for me to be responsible to defend why they should be cut.

4. Any plans for social security?
Click to expand...

I agree with those who say we need to put Social Security funds in a locked box. This goes back to crisis management. If we are invading SS funds to handle a crisis, then we are just creating another crisis later on down the road for our children (harumph!) to solve.

The baby boom generation is aging. This is a huge part of our population. There is no escaping the fact that this is going to be very painful for the taxpayers.

I have struggled over the whole private investment issue, and I think I am against it. There are too many zero-sum investments out there where someone wins and someone loses. Because of this and the simple fact that a great number of Americans are not savvy enough to know how to properly invest their money, I think that we will be faced with a lot of people who end up with nothing at retirement age and will come back to the Federal Government to help them out. In those cases, we will then suffer a double loss. The loss of the money that was not put into the Social Security fund, and the loss of additional funds to help them when they are broke.

5. Any plans for medicare/medicaid?
Click to expand...

I have to plead complete ignorance on medicare/medicaid. I know this will cost me votes.
 
delphi_ote said:
Delphi Ote here of the Running for Office Thread Times. I have two questions for our candidates. My first question is: what aspect of the U.S. government do you see as most in need of reform or correction and how would you propose to bring about these reforms from your position as president should you be elected? Would you be able to reach across the aisle to work with your counterparts in the opposing party? My second question is how do you see American foreign policy toward Cuba and Cuban refugees developing in light of the War on Terror and the Patriot Act in the next 20 years given Castro's age and our inability to capture Osama Bin Laden?

(this is to test your "make a jovial remark about complicated, multi-part questions while you think a way to duck answering any of the questions asked" skill.)
Click to expand...

Notice how I have skillfully avoided answering any of these questions, while continuing to look smooth!
 
VOTE FOR ME!

1189da.jpg
 
I couldn't vote for you for a few reasons. You are unsure if homosexuals should have equal rights (gay marriage). You are a pro-lifer. But most important, you don't drink alcoholic beverages.
 
delphi_ote said:
Delphi Ote here of the Running for Office Thread Times. I have two questions for our candidates. My first question is: what aspect of the U.S. government do you see as most in need of reform or correction and how would you propose to bring about these reforms from your position as president should you be elected? Would you be able to reach across the aisle to work with your counterparts in the opposing party?
Click to expand...

I think my first effort at reform would be toward abolishing the Patriot Act and starting from scratch. The Patriot Act was written and voted on virtually overnight, and now it is the morning after (sound bite!). There were some tools our law enforcement needed that are provided by the Patriot Act, but I think history will show that many aspects of it are unconstitutional.

I think I would be able to reach across party lines to acheive this. I think a lot of people are finally starting to wake up to some of the dangers of the Patriot Act. I would like to see these dangers quelled before they reach their full potential and become irreversible. I am positive there are people on the Right and Left who agree.


My second question is how do you see American foreign policy toward Cuba and Cuban refugees developing in light of the War on Terror and the Patriot Act in the next 20 years given Castro's age and our inability to capture Osama Bin Laden?
Click to expand...

Well, as I just said, I would abolish the Patriot Act.

As for Cuba, I believe we should be reaching out. The American people are our best ambassadors, so we should be removing the travel restrictions to start with.
 
I announce my candidacy as the Yellow Party!

Here are my key running points.

1. I will ensure ID is not taught as science in the classroom.

2. I will restore the wall between church and state by destroying the faith-based initiatives program.

3. I will allow flags to be burned.

4. I will reduce the role of the FCC to simply monitoring communications for illegal activity and no longer playing the part of moral police.

5. I will defend the rights of a woman to have abortion.

6. I will make marijuana legal.

7. I will abolish the Patriot Act. The only people that should be peeping in on people should be me.

8. I will announce that mediums and psychics that charge money will be certified by the gumment. I will appoint James Randi to be in charge of the details.
 
Excellent! Welcome to the campaign trail, thaiboxerken! Here's your federal matching funds. Be careful where you step. The Purple Party just came through here.
 
Question for thaiboxerken: Mr. thaiboxerken, I wonder if you clarify some of your party platforms.

First one - I will allow flags to be burned. Do you mean American flag and do you intend to propose legislation removing arseny laws with respect to flag burning?

Second - I will defend the rights of a woman to have abortion. Would you propose legislation that would allow abortion from the point of conception right up to birth?
 
The first thing to do is to let everyone know dirt about me and the others. I was born in Okinawa, but on an airfoce base as an american citizen. So, don't try to question my patriotism based on my ethnicity!

I also drink beer, and I love it! Luke doesn't drink beer, he can't be trusted.

Shemp is a draft dodger, I have sources that say so, if I'll hire the Swift Boat Vets.

Luke was in the military, but he avoided real war by joining the Navy as a "Nuclear" technician. This means he just got paid to run 3 miles a year and do a few pushups.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top Bottom