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I'm Running For Office

I started reading the thread, but then I got bored. I'm voting for Shemp because black & white avatars are retro cool.

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ROTTERS NEWS SERVICE: Soon-to-be-coronated Emperor Shemp I Has announced that he has contracted with Diebold Corp. to collect the names of all those who vote against him. He also announces that he has contracted with Halliburton Corp. to construct "Reeducation Camps," where those who opposed his rule will be shown the light and the truth of Emperor Shemp I's teachings. Halliburton has also been contracted to provide one million chocolate cream pies for the Presidential Ball Pie Fight.
 
clarsct said:
CFL: So you propose to balance the budget, nationalize healthcare, AND bail the Mexican government out all at the same time?
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I did not say I would "bail out" the Mexican government.

clarsct said:
How big of a tax increase are we talking, here?
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As much as it takes to finance the programs.

clarsct said:
What is your stance on Gun Control?
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Only the police can carry guns. Hunters can own hunting rifles, but under extremely strict conditions.

clarsct said:
What is your stance on the war on drugs?
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It's a silly term. Drug abuse needs to be countered with detox programs, education programs and better border control.
 
clarsct said:
Some questions for all the candidates:
What is your stance on Gun Control?

What is your stance on the war on drugs? [/B]
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The ATF will be dismantled and replaced by the NRA.

I'll negotiate a truce with the enemy in the war on drugs.
 
delphi_ote said:
Amateur Scientist, many of your proposed solutions involve gratiutous use of force. While this reporter would be the last to want to upset you just in case you're elected, some have questioned if there is actually enough matter in the universe to construct the all weapons you have proposed to use on the campain trail. How do you propose to build all of these weapons? How do you respond to critics who say it's just not possible?
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Gratuitous use of force? No, my position with regard to force is that might makes right. Whenever I propose to use violence, it is with a purpose--usually revenge--and therefore it is not gratuitous. There are exceptions, of course. For instance, whenever I'm feeling arbitrary and capricious I'll use violence, which is pretty often when I think about it.

Build all these weapons? Are you mad? I--I mean "we"--already have them. Look around you, man. Your tax dollars have been hard at work building a nice arsenal. I wouldn't want those monies to go to waste. I'm going to use them, not let them sit around just in case we might get attacked. I say the best defense is a good offense. Nuke 'em, Dano.

How do I respond to critics? Send me their names and addresses. I'll be sure and "respond" to them appropriately.

AS
 
CFLarsen said:
It's a silly term. Drug abuse needs to be countered with detox programs, education programs and better border control.
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So would it be fair to say you want to declare war on the phrase "war on drugs?"
 
delphi_ote said:
So would it be fair to say you want to declare war on the phrase "war on drugs?"
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I don't go for draconian slogans meant to stir the crowd into a mindless frenzy.

I'll just drop it.
 
METALLIC TEAL PARTY TO MEDIA: BRING IT ON

I'm an open book, ask me anything. Even about that time with the noodles in Tijuana.

Where's the Blue party candidate been lately, anyway? We need more questions to drum up interest.
 
Sorry, I was away rescuing little babies and puppies from the terrible flooding in New Orleans, defusing bombs in Gaza, and donating blood.

Somebody had a question?
 
So, when's the election, anyway?

Hey, I'm ready to get busy and increase my killing power, I mean, serve you and my country.

So? How about starting a new poll and voting.

AS
 
And your views on:

Gay rights?

Marijuana legalization?

Foreign Aid?

Pepsi vs Coke?

Lurker
 
Lurker said:
Gay rights?
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I see no reason to distinguish between people's sexual preferences, as long as it is consentual and harmless.

Lurker said:
Marijuana legalization?
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No.

Lurker said:
Foreign Aid?
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Increase it, for programs that help the people, and not fill the coffers of those in charge.

Lurker said:
Pepsi vs Coke?
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That is a personal choice.
 
Lurker said:
And your views on:

Gay rights?

Marijuana legalization?

Foreign Aid?

Pepsi vs Coke?

Lurker
Click to expand...

Gay Rights: Happy people should be treated equally.

Seriously, I think that homosexuals should enjoy the same rights as everyone else. A good case in point: A law that protects homosexuals from discrimination is poorly worded and can be construed as special rights. A better law protects all citizens from discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Marijuana legalization?

I think it should be legal for adults and its use by professionals with safety concerns should be restricted similarly to alcohol.

Foreign Aid:

Not many people realize it, but it is not a large portion of our budget... and serves political as well as humanitarian aims. For example, I believe Russia's democratic revolution of the 80s and 90s would have failed without our aid packages. I would maintain levels largely comparable to how they are now.

Pepsi vs. Coke:

I think you're asking my personal preference. I used to be a solid Coca-cola man, but I'm dismayed with the violent anti-union activities (or complicity) of their foreign affiliates in South America... I switched to Pepsi for a while, but now I'm avoiding caffeine altogether.
 
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