I wanted a taco last night.

Are Landmark's tactics force, fraud, or neither

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  • Neither

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Hear me, oh blasphemers, heathens, and misguided souls, for the true mysteries of the Taco shall be revealed unto you.

I come from the Holy Land, where Tlaxcalli1 is queen, with words of wisdom to mend your erred ways.

Destroy the false Temple of the Bell. Renounce the hard-shell impostor and embrace the true Taco and Its path to sacrosanct pleasure. The road is long, but the rewards are plentiful.

Let it be known that the Taco's earthly manifestations vary greatly in form and substance. The Taco may be everywhere, but Its home and place of worship is the taquería2. There, It will be delivered unto you by the taquero3, and Its flesh will be become your flesh. This communion, the holiest of ceremonies, may be consecrated with many of the sacred sauces, and garnished with select herbs and spices.

To properly adore the Taco, you must remember that the taquería is a sacred place. Although modern conventions allow for the ritual of becoming One with the Taco to be performed while seated, tradition states that it should be performed standing up, as a sign of respect.

The ancient codexes of the Náhuatl reveal some of the secrets of the ritual:
  • You must know how to make or receive the Taco. Take It in lovingly in your hand, with the thumb and pinky on the bottom, and the index and ring finger on top, to ensure the Taco retains Its form and essence.
  • In sign of reverence, bend your upper body forward to perform a 45-degree bow. This action will also protect your clothes. If wearing a tie, you shall tuck in your shirt, as any contact of the tie with the Taco is heresy.
  • You shall learn to balance your body perfectly, so you may hold your plate and drink in your other hand and complete the communion.
  • You shall know the proper names and liturgical nuances of each of the Taco's forms and styles, so the taquero may understand your prayers.
  • You must master the timing of your prayers, so the Taco may be delivered unto you without waste or hesitation.
  • You shall correctly tally the number and type of communions. At the end of the ceremony, you shall confess your sin of gluttony to the taquero, and he will impose penance. Those unprepared to repent, and those with the intent to deceive the Almighty, shall suffer the consequences.
I am the Prophet of Nixtamal, and I shall be your guide to enlightenment.

1 The name for tortilla in the codexes of the Náhuatl.
2 Traditionally, a small shrine where the Taco was revered. Nowadays, it also includes different types of places of worship, from the humble street stand to magnificent restaurants.
3 The supreme priest, knower of the Rites of the Taco, and Its divine server on Earth.
 
The only papers that truely tell of the Taco are the Ancient Taco Recipe and the Dead Sea Tortillias. You Latter Day Tacoists have invented scripture that's based on the incoherent ramblings of a man who woke up with a hangover and a three day pizza and Miller Light binge.

Do not turn your back on the GTITS. Elvis is the ONLY prophet of the Taco.
 
EvilDave said:
I wanted a taco last night.

Yet I'm still here. Near death experience? You decide.
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But he's dead to this board now.
Proof, if any be needed, that before checking out of the Great Hotel we shall cry out for a Taco.





(Yes, he did cry out. Not just want one!)
 
Roadtoad said:
Wussies.

REAL TACOISTS put HABANERO sauce on their REAL TACOS, made with CORN tortillas. And the meat must be shredded, either beef, chicken or pork, but NEVER hamburger! Tomatoes are permissible if you're serving sissies or little kids, or (shudder!) Easterners.

Burritos: If you can get both your hands around it, it's not a burrito.

Sheesh! I'm stuck hanging with a bunch of anarchic, heathen, BLASPHEMERS!
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Preach it brother, and wash the Taco down with Tequila, for it is written, in El Libro della Tortilla, The Last Munchy Session took place thusly:

And holding up her pottery shotglass, Margarita Magdemhot said to the twelve Asadas:

"Take this, my Tequila, and drink it, for it is my precious bodily fluid."

And the Asadas all drank of the Tequila.

And then she presented her most holy Taco and said:
"Then take this, my Taco, and dine upon it, for it is my flesh."

And so they did, with great vigor.

As the Tequila was ingested, the Asadas began to grow weary and fall into a stupor, but one Asada snuck out, having run out of patience in having to wait for his serving of the taco. In his wrath he alerted the leader of the Flannabees, who sent forth their agents to abscond with Margarita Magdemhot. The Asadas, having passed out, missed the abduction.

She was never seen again, though rumor has it that she was hawking burritos some years later in Cadiz, but was persecuted and ended up fleeing to Marseilles. No matter, the Asadas all knew the truth when they heard it, so they went foth and spread the word of the most holy Taco, which has been passed along via the sacred oral tradition.

ETA:

Fixed, Dr. :p

DR
 
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Excuse me, there is only one "DR" who writes of Taco scripture, and his first name ain't Darth.

It is easy to see the sacrilege in your post due to the simple fact that you failed to capitalize "Taco".

Begone foolish a-Tacoist, your mindless babblings are not needed here.
 
Dragonrock said:
Excuse me, there is only one "DR" who writes of Taco scripture, and his first name ain't Darth.

It is easy to see the sacrilege in your post due to the simple fact that you failed to capitalize "Taco".

Begone foolish a-Tacoist, your mindless babblings are not needed here.
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Hah, so you say, you chauvinist pawn of Elvista Orthodoxy! As you are no doubt aware, the Naught Habanero scrolls were found in the 1950's. They contained profound revelations of so called "non canonical" scriptures, which of course had been suppressed by the Councel of Nopizza in the early 4th century. El Libro della Tortilla is every bit as valid a scribbling on a dried out old Taco shell as your alleged Libro Del Taco. Note that even the name of the book containing your ATR is heretical!

A pox upon your so called Orthodoxy, your animal worship of a small Chihuahua, and your cult of the Bell. Your iconagraphy will serve you no better than a blind, one handed taquero. If you fail to be reborn in Taco and Tequila goodness, then you shall be tormented for eternity with plate after plate of soft, flour tortillas filled with ground turkey, avacado, sour cream, and tomatoes (cubed) but no spices.

Repent, confess you idol worshipping, and make the New Covenant with the Tequila, before it is too late!

DR
 
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How Dare you accusing me of consorting with the Bellians! Those who combine the holy name of Taco with the horror that is "bell" shall burn in the fires of Tabasco for all eternity! The only recognized Taco scripture is the Ancient Taco Recipe, which was scrawled on a cocktail napkin by the Great Taco In The Sky himself.

Elvis is proof the the GTITS love for food. After consuming enough he felt the spirit move within him and he left he body to feast upon the never-ending goodness of the Great Taco In The sky.
 
All of you Tacoists will surely burn in hell for denying the one, TRUE god, The Flying Spaghetti Monster. May His noodly goodness be upon you Tacoist heathens.
 
Upchurch said:
I'd ask why this ancient thread got bumped, but I think I know. :o
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MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

A little linkage is a dangerous thing. ;)

Dragonrock said:
How Dare you accusing me of consorting with the Bellians! Those who combine the holy name of Taco with the horror that is "bell" shall burn in the fires of Tabasco for all eternity!
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Splitter!

May the GTITS have mercy on your mole.

DR
 
If I had a taco swell
It would save me from the fires of Bell
And as I ate my tasty treat
A fast food clown I did meet

He looked at me with drooling glee
chilantro, onions, lettuce, cheese
Hard, soft, nine inches wide
A taco is always by my side

And so the clown he went away
(I'll bet you thought this rhymed with gay)
satisfied, and my taco shared
the pasta dudes could only stare
 
Ditto, however, we must keep the faith.

Yea, we shall forever venerate his memory, consuming our tacos with true abandon, remembering the sacred mantra, Chipotle, for all our days upon this hallowed orb, seeking the truth that is the One, the Only, Great Taco In The Sky, for all is Taco, and the Taco is all.
 
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