My equation for consciousness is
The way it works is that an animal's level of consciousness is directly equal to that animal's capacity for understanding that Natalie Portman just isn't into him.
So, for example, I am 13 years older than Natalie, she has a baby and she is getting married in August. I know for a fact that Natalie Portman just isn't into me*.
But let's take a dog. A friendly dog is going to run up and lick Natalie Portman, something I would almost never do. The dog doesn't understand that she's not into him. If Natalie kicked the dog, he might be deterred for the moment. The dog would eventually come back and try to lick her again. Natalie would have to kick the dog over and over for the dog to ever learn that she's just not into him. (I realize Natalie Portman loves and does not in any way kick dogs.) The dog has a lower level of consciousness than I do.
Now imagine a turtle. It really doesn't matter how Natalie treats a turtle. That turtle is never going to pick up on the fact that she doesn't want to date him, no matter how many times she calls the police. The turtle has a very low level of consciousness.
Thus, by putting any animal in a room with Natalie Portman, we can predict its evolutionary level to three standard deviations (or whatever deviation you'd like to use).
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* for now. Who knows what the future holds?