Have you ever been sexually assaulted?

[my_wan]

As a teen I had several women a few years ahead of me say they were going to rape me. Some of I ignored, others I let make good. I always felt in control even though some of them may have seen it differently. The pushiest people were the gay men that seem to be stuck with the wrong idea, no matter what I said, when I didn't freak out when I found out they were gay. Only one actually tried to physically grab my crotch several times and I guess that was technically an assault as I was quiet clear. He never was successful at actually getting his hands on me. After a couple of failed attempt and a lack of emotion in my response seemed to make him feel it was hopeless.

One gay guy I worked with would hang around behind me after he got off work and stare at my butt. This was actually kinda funny. Certainly not something I take offense to. This guy was also way more respectful of my personal space than most which made a big difference. He was also too puny to even consider being afraid of.

 

[Safe-Keeper]

Outside of my vulnerability as a child, I fail to see how I can be sexually assaulted by a single female, outside of using various knock-out drugs.

Easy to say now. It's easy to say you're going to wrestle free or scream or whatever, but if you're actually assaulted, it's often a whole other deal.

 

[ConspiRaider]

Yup. Just once, in U.S. Navy boot camp, essentially a prison-rape kind of deal that was quashed before the four A**holes could drag me off into the Drying Room and actually do it.

Two things prevented it:

1. I barely remembered, while one of the jerks from behind had a big hand clamped over my mouth, that the little finger is the weakest finger on the hand. And that if someone is foolish enough to put their hand over your mouth, or on your neck, and one of your hands is free? You simply grab that little finger and YANK! That maneuver allowed me to free my mouth so that I could...

2. ...Yell out to my bunk mate for assistance. He jumped out of his rack (bunk), confronted the 4 turd-brains and they fled. And the incident vanished away.

Good thing, too. If they'd have succeeded in nailing me? No telling where that could have led. I may have counterpunched (later, after some planning) in a rather violent manner, upon one or all of them...

 

[Professor Yaffle]

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

 

[Skeptic Ginger]

What the hell?

I guess I'm more awake now. Why did I say that?

What I feel I should have said:

It's good to hear that someone came to your aid; it really is. Yelling at the man was probably the best thing to do -- fisticuffs might just have escalated the situation anyways (although certainly would make him pay a higher price than simply having to burn some energy...). I'm also glad that you got away from him.

There's some real scum out in the world.

The guy ran off as soon as the people came out of their house. There was no time for physical confrontation. Except earlier that is. My clothes were torn, I was uninjured.

 

[Lonewulf]

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

Pretty sure that anything at that age would count, one way or another.

 

[Skeptic Ginger]

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

That would be a yes unless you are just talking about a bully episode which it doesn't sound like you are.

 

[Mercutio]

I am glad to see that the people writing here are able to do so--I know enough people who would never want to tell anybody, that I feel obliged to point out that even with an anonymous poll, it is possible for admins (perhaps mods too, I forget) to see who voted in which category.

I A) don't personally think it is at all something to be ashamed of, and B) trust the team here... but it's not my call to make.

 

[Professor Yaffle]

That would be a yes unless you are just talking about a bully episode which it doesn't sound like you are.

Voted now. Definitely not just a bully incident.

 

[Professor Yaffle]

I am glad to see that the people writing here are able to do so--I know enough people who would never want to tell anybody, that I feel obliged to point out that even with an anonymous poll, it is possible for admins (perhaps mods too, I forget) to see who voted in which category.

I A) don't personally think it is at all something to be ashamed of, and B) trust the team here... but it's not my call to make.

I think the fact that I don't know anyone here in the flesh makes it easier to disclose.

 

[Skeptic Ginger]

I agree with Bikewer. What counts as sexually assault?

I voted that I haven't been sexually assaulted, but I was sexually harassed by a fellow worker at an amusement park to the point that I had to go to management. It culminated with him slapping my ass; that incident was what made me go to management. It occured to me after that this could be considered assault although I only thought of it as harassment.

Well I was looking more for rape and attempted rape actually, but if the assault involved something like coercing a child, then the amount of violence involved would be relative, it would still be rape or attempted rape.

I'm not sure where to put the waiter incident. I think that is more harassment than assault since one would unlikely see that going any further than groping, but I can see different opinions on the event. I'm not saying it was OK or no big deal mind you. But the original question arose from a thread discussion of how many women lie about a rape vs tell the truth about a rape. The frequency of rape and attempted rape impacts the statistics of false positives vs true positives in an analysis of rape claims.

If there was a way for a test poll to work out these interpretation bugs it would be useful.

 

[Kaylee]

come to the conclusion that he had most likely been sexually assaulted at some point and was just acting out. ... Again after sometime I came to the realization that she too might have been sexually assaulted at some point.

I had a bizarre situation where a man was interested in turning a very consensual situation into a rape. (I was in my mid-20s and this was a few weeks after we had met and had already slept together.) And no he wasn’t play acting either. Luckily it didn’t happen – I was very strong at the time plus my knee was in just the right position to do some damage. He was obviously a sick puppy but perhaps, like The Man’s friends, he had also been molested as a child -- or maybe he had just managed to turn into a sick puppy all on his own.

Not sure if this situation falls within the OP’s requirements. For example, if he had succeeded I probably wouldn’t have reported him because we had started off in a consensual situation. But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that he intended to change that situation and hurt me and that it would have been rape.

@ Carnivore – I agree with Tanja – I’m glad you called the police.

 

[Shadowdweller]

Should maybe put in a selection for those gray areas. On my end: Had an individual press his naked genitalia against me while I was pinned*. Did not actually attempt penetration (which I would not have been able to prevent at the time), so I can't quite call it attempted rape (I did not vote) but uh...

Not a pleasant experience, and I dare say it qualifies as pretty substantial harassment.

ETA: Should add that it was against an alarming anatomical area, which itself had become exposed in the struggle.

 

[Zelenius]

I'm a male and I said "no".

However, there is an obvious double standard when it comes to rape or sexual assault. If a woman gets raped or sexually assaulted by a man, it is never funny(unless you're a psycho), and is in fact thought to be a crime so horrible that it is almost like murder. However, if a man gets raped or sexually assaulted by a woman, many people find it funny, or at least not as serious as male on female rape. A lot of people, maybe even most, including myself can't help but laugh at female on male rape or sexual assault, even if the rape was violent(and it gets funnier if she's a "hottie"). Male on male rape can sometimes be funny, but I'm not sure about female on female rape.

I recently heard a disturbing story through my friends about some guy they know who got dead drunk and stoned at a party to the point he lost consciousness and so a girl took "advantage" of him. When he finally woke up, he could tell what happened and felt very violated, and yet we couldn't help but laugh at it. I think it is reasonable to conclude that most female on male rape(with a woman overpowering the man and using a large dildo or some other object for penetration) never gets reported to the police. This is due to embarrassment or they might think no one will believe them.

The reason for this double standard is obvious, since is it usually easier for men to overpower women than the other way around, men are "equipped" to rape "naturally", women tend to be on the "receiving" end of sex, forced or not(men tend to "do" something to women or whoever they penetrate, while women receive it), and men are more violent than women, on average. In other words, it is just so much easier for women to be victims of men than the other way around. This double standard may seem inherently "sexist" to some people though, since it assumes women are more vulnerable, and that men are more violent. I couldn't resist pointing it out though, and not just because I find it "funny", but because it would seem that in some cases of men getting raped, by males or females, it could be just as traumatic as violent male on female rape, and this double standard might trivialize it or make it look like a joke.

Just remember ladies, when a man says "NO", he means "NO"!

 

[gdnp]

I voted "yes" although there was no attempt at penetration. While at summer camp a counselor coerced me into sleeping naked with him in a single sleeping bag and attempted to fondle me and to place my hand on his genitalia, but did not persist when I pulled away. I remember not sleeping too well that night, but did not even realize that I had been assaulted until several years later. As such, it doesn't seem to have psychologically affected me much. I do wonder what happened to the scumbag councilor, though. He had a different kid in his bag the night before.

 

[Skeptic Ginger]

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

 

[Pardalis]

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

OK, men are bad because we have a dick, is that your point?

 

[Safe-Keeper]

could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man?

Force something into his anus. Force him to put his penis into you. No clue.

And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

Probably far more common than we realize, though very likely not close to as common.

Lesbian rape, now there's another taboo. According to She Stole my Voice, a documentary on the subject, 30% of lesbians report being sexually abused by another woman.

 

[godofpie]

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

I am not sure I answered correctly given the above sentence. I was 28 at the time and the woman was 39. We had been together for a while, maybe a couple of weeks. There were alcohol and drugs involved. Twice, when I was asleep (passed out) I awoke to this woman having sex with me without my consent. The first time I lost me erection shortly after I woke up, the 2nd time I did not. I remember feeling used. But like Kaylee said, we had slept together prior to these events. What am going to do? Cry man-rape? And if I was still drunk or high when I woke up, I might have been all for it.


edit: And if you are inferring harm in the word "rape" instead of just forced sex, then I would change my vote because she defiantly did not mean me any harm.

 

[Pardalis]

edit: And if you are inferring harm in the word "rape" instead of just forced sex, then I would change my vote because she defiantly did not mean me any harm.

She said "assault", which is not necessarily "rape". But she seems to want to confuse the two in order to make men the only possible evildoers.

She starts the thread asking for examples of "sexual assault", which is very broad, and then asks for the very specific case of "adult women raping adult men".