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Facebook and "coming out"

I fly my skeptical flag on Facebook the same way I do in real life -- openly but quietly. I'm a member of a few skeptically-oriented groups, there's a quote from Michael Shermer on my profile, and I post the occasional link to a particularly good Science Based Medicine article or amusing Tim Minchin video. It's there if you care to look, but it's not the first thing you would notice about me if you glanced at my page.

So far, none of my friends or relatives have given me a hard time about anything I've said or posted -- and the only time I've directly criticized anything anyone else said was when they were spouting dangerous alt-med/antivax crap.

But then, even the most religious and the most new-agey among my friends tend to take a similar approach -- they're open but not aggressive about it. I actually deliberately avoided adding the pushier religious types from my high school days as friends. Why should I friend them? I don't like them. Even in the days when I went to church, they made me horribly uncomfortable.

As for my family -- well, aside from a couple of ultraconservative uncles who aren't on Facebook anyway, I'm lucky. I come from a line of reasonable, rational people. The worst I have to deal with is that my sister has a friend who's a naturopath. If I had to deal with proselytizing or pseudoscience-loving relatives at every turn, I don't know how I'd handle it.
 
I am quite vocal about my atheism and skepticism on my facebook page, as I am in real life. I honestly do not care what anyone thinks... if they don't like it they can unfriend me (both on Facebook and in real life).

Pat
 
I completely agree on the 'double standard.'

Were I to post a Dawkins quote as freely as my Christian friends and family throw around Bible verses, I'd get flamesprayed.

Then again, most of Dawkins' zingers are almost guaranteed to get a Christian on the defensive. Most of the bible verses posted are the typical flowery inspiriational type, and not really directly critical of another's faith.

I keep it under wraps for the most part, but when I joined the Facebook Atheism group, I was beseiged with family members absolutely shocked, and wanting to throw in their .02 on the issue. I'm still not sure if my mom and dad know. My two brothers claim to be Christians, and have been in trouble with the law and involved in drugs their entire adult lives. I'm the atheist, and I have my **** together. Maybe that tempers the criticism to some degree, but I'm still dreading the inevitable conversation defending my lack of faith to my father. He's got diabetes and is getting along in his years. I fully expect to break his heart by telling him I don't believe there's a god, and I don't believe we're going to see each other again after he dies.

I really don't have any idea how I'm going to handle that.
 
My JREF friends and most friends from another forum already know. As for the rest of my friends on facebook, it's none of their damn business unless I choose to share it with them.
 
With Facebook now letting you designate people as belonging to different groups, I simply set up a group for "atheists", and a group for "family/Christian" (since I grew up a Christian, many of my connections are Christian, and I still do keep in touch with some of them...not to mention my family).

Then after I put them in different groups, I simply set it so that those in the "family/Christian" group only see the most basic stuff on my Facebook...when I post things about atheism, they won't see it.

I look at it this way. I dislike it when I go on Facebook and the first thing I see is something from some Christian acquaintance about "Ten Proofs Darwin Was Wrong" or "How Can They Still Believe The Earth Is Billions Of Years Old!?!". And I imagine that they likewise dislike seeing stuff from me about "New Article From Dawkins Destroys Creationist Claims", or "OMG, How Can Anyone Believe This Crap?".

There are places for discussion and debate. And such places are usually clearly designated as such. Facebook is not one of those places.
 
Wolfman said:
Then after I put them in different groups, I simply set it so that those in the "family/Christian" group only see the most basic stuff on my Facebook...when I post things about atheism, they won't see it.
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That's perfect, W. I have the groups set up already. I didn't know you could control the information between different groups like that. I am going to set that up right now. Thanks!
 
JoeyDonuts said:
I really don't have any idea how I'm going to handle that.
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The conversation may end up surprising you. He may accept you more readily than you think. My dad is more concerned about my voting for Obama than my post-death existence in eternal hellfire.

And, you may not have to mention the part about never seeing him again in the afterlife.

But, I'm you and your dad will find your way. Good luck with that situation.
 
Wolfman said:
I look at it this way. I dislike it when I go on Facebook and the first thing I see is something from some Christian acquaintance about "Ten Proofs Darwin Was Wrong" or "How Can They Still Believe The Earth Is Billions Of Years Old!?!". And I imagine that they likewise dislike seeing stuff from me about "New Article From Dawkins Destroys Creationist Claims", or "OMG, How Can Anyone Believe This Crap?".
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Sigh...but we are right and they are wrong!!! :D

Wolfman said:
There are places for discussion and debate. And such places are usually clearly designated as such. Facebook is not one of those places.
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That's a good point. I've been trying to look at my side of the street here too, and, maybe I've been a bit...pardon the expression..."holier than thou". Maybe I think my "believer" relatives are deserving of a little ridicule, which is not the best attitude.
 
Dave Rogers said:
It's strange, in fact, for us over here to see Americans talk about 'coming out' as an atheist; it's almost the default now in the UK.
Dave
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Absolutely.
I would even go as far as to say that people are more likely to treat you as a bit strange if you say you're a christian. The trend in this direction is continuing too.
 
Chimera said:
Yesterday I posted a quote from Sagan: "You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe." My aunt took it very personally and snottily replied that I sure try to convince everyone of my beliefs. I was surprised,
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I snipped the rest because I agree there is a double standard.Still, doesn't this particular quote strike you as pretty offensive. I have a lot of friends and family who believe - being in the US - it's probably 90% or so - and I'd never say this about them to their face or behind their backs. Yes, in some rare cases we can point to entirely unreasoning beings, but in many other conversations people ended up either deeply shaken or retreating to a Deist position (which I consider no more illogical than a Everett multi-worlds interpretation - we have evidence for neither, it's just a question of what explanation you find most commodious). And, for the record, I used to be a believer, as were many atheists on this board, so the quote is clearly wrong in isolated instances. In any case, so many times the arguments end up at "there's just gotta be something more out there" or "the world's too beautiful to have happened by chance" which is much more a position of ignorance (in the non-perjorative sense) then willful refusal to reason. Julia Sweeney's monologue on becoming an atheist is wonderful - she spent a lot of the years of her life looking for an explanation for her religion - including intensive bible study, exploring alternatives, etc., and kept finding what she thought was answers, only to find they that over time they did not suffice. I had great sympathy for her, even though I went through that in about 1 year as a young teen, and others on here twigged on it at age 5. I'd feel a bit dirty using that Sagan phrase on her - she was on a genuine search for truth.

I admit i'm sharing the exceptions. Certainly many people are not reflective on this or about any position they hold. I remember a politicial discussion with a stout proponent of 'the other party'. In the end he stated "I guess I just believe this because my father does, and I respect him".
 
I very much disagree with the Sagan quote. I have MANY examples of people who say they believed in Browne's nonsense, but were convinced otherwise by the evidence presented about her on my site. Do you think they would still have been receptive to that evidence had I placed the Sagan quote prominently ot.n the site's home page? I don't.
 
Waterman said:
As I am active in cubscouting with my son and expect to move on to boy scouts I am rather reluctant to come completely out of the closet as an atheist publicly. We are a member of a Unitarin Universalist Church for social contact (which does accept atheism as a valid position (among much silliness)) and I list my religious views as Humanist (which most people don't understand). I think that there is much to be gained through scouting program that is not offered up elsewhere. As a leader I can temper some of the more relogious aspect of it quietly... it is easy as our group has members of several faiths I put all religious requirements on the family for following through. I am concerned if I came compeltely 'out' in a public venue then a zealot could raise a stink with the powers that be in scouting and I could loose the opportunity to particilate and influence the boys to be critical thinkers.
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I find it tragic that anyone in this day and age feels the need to hide perfectly respectable views in order to enjoy a hobby.

On the other hand, no-one has the right to know ones views on anything, so don't put anything online you are not comfortable with people finding out, and don't add anyone on facebook who gets a cob on every time an opinion is expressed.
 
OWW said:
I find it tragic that anyone in this day and age feels the need to hide perfectly respectable views in order to enjoy a hobby.

On the other hand, no-one has the right to know ones views on anything, so don't put anything online you are not comfortable with people finding out, and don't add anyone on facebook who gets a cob on every time an opinion is expressed.
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I agree and it does bug me. I would pursue an alternate group if one existed but to my knowledge there is no other large scale organization that can offer the same kind of expereinces as Scouting can and has a large support structure. Sure if I were organized and a driven person I could do 75-90% of it myself. But I am not. I need the structure and scheduling of scouting as a guide and catalyst to follow through.

I am sure that 99.?% of the people involved in scouting follow the don't ask don't tell approach. However it is in the rules that you have to believe in a higher power to even be a participant. If someone chose to make a issue out of it one way or another then the zealots will crawl out of the wood work and that is not good for the kids nor the organization. I am unwilling to discard or disavow Scouting because of one issue when they do provide a lot of good guidance, educational opportunities and expereinces that are harder to obtain outside the scouting framework.

However this is drfiting somewhat off topic... back to your regularly scheduled thread.
 
If someone is spouting woo, I have no problem calling them on it. Several of my nurse friends go on about reiki and other such rot. I try to balance the scales by pointing out the whole evidence based practice thingie.
 
I use no social media that is not anonymous (forums, anonymous blogs, etc.). I do not link my online activities to my real life.

It's just safer that way.
 
GreyICE said:
I use no social media that is not anonymous (forums, anonymous blogs, etc.). I do not link my online activities to my real life.

It's just safer that way.
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Exactly. Interacting with people on the Internet is one great big role playing game. It's not "real" life at all. And it's very dangerous for people to know who the "real" person is behind a post. Do you take the same precautions in real life? Like, if you got to a party or a bar, do make sure nobody there knows you? Do you watch your rear view mirror on the drive home to make sure you're not followed? Or do you just not say things to "real" people that you feel "safe" saying anonymously with no risk of repercussions?

Signed,

Jim Carr
www.AlwaysWellWritten.com
www.Facebook.com/UncaYimmy
 
eh, I'm open about what I do and what I think, and not ashamed of any of it. I don't give a flying sheit what folks think about me. If they can't handle what I'm saying on my facebook page I tell them to shut the hell up and just de-friend me.
 
bigtim said:
eh, I'm open about what I do and what I think, and not ashamed of any of it. I don't give a flying sheit what folks think about me. If they can't handle what I'm saying on my facebook page I tell them to shut the hell up and just de-friend me.
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In general, I'm the same way, except when it comes to my parents. I wouldn't have a problem "coming out" on facebook; sure, I'd lose some fb "friends," but no real-life friends. However, posting it on facebook would probably get back to my parents somehow. Neither of them are on fb, but plenty of other family members are.
My family situation is similar to EeneyMinnieMoe's -- lots of devout Catholics. I was a struggling agnostic-bordering-on-atheist for a long time, before jumping to "just an atheist." (That Catholic upbringing's tough to let go of, huh, Eeney? ;) ) If my parents found out I was an atheist, they'd be heartbroken. Especially my mom. She's fairly emotionally fragile, and would beat herself up, wondering where she went wrong. I really don't want to do that to her.
 
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