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Dating Disabled

Would you date a disabled person?

  • Yes (and I am able bodied)

    Votes: 23 54.8%

  • Yes (and I am disabled)

    Votes: 5 11.9%

  • No (and I am able bodied)

    Votes: 12 28.6%

  • No (and I am disabled)

    Votes: 2 4.8%
  • Total voters
    42
TubbaBlubba said:
It's not necessarily that. Things that may seem utterly trivial to you may be a major hurdle to a disabled person. A lot of people would find that you made their lives a LOT easier without you even noticing it.
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Which is why the degree of disability is a major factor.
 
ponderingturtle said:
I wasn't figuring you were. Though as I do date and am open to new relationships I was answering for how it fits into my life at this time. I don't think I could commit to a relationship that started off with a major need for a care taking component.

For example I saw a woman who I would have messaged on a dating website who was in a wheelchair until I saw all the woo she was into. Lots of alt med.
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I don't need a caretaker. I need someone to carry in groceries. Or mow the lawn. That kind of stuff. I can do almost all of my own self-care (sometimes I need help with clothing, which I can't see a romantic partner objecting to doing).

Most disabled people who do not live in care facilities are perfectly capable of caring for themselves.
 
RogueKitten said:
I don't need a caretaker. I need someone to carry in groceries. Or mow the lawn. That kind of stuff. I can do almost all of my own self-care (sometimes I need help with clothing, which I can't see a romantic partner objecting to doing).

Most disabled people who do not live in care facilities are perfectly capable of caring for themselves.
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Depends, does a home health aid count as being in care facilities or not?
 
I am not disabled and have always liked to be around people who are honest, smart, have a good sense of humor and have a positive outlook on life. This could include anyone, regardless of physical disability. When I married my late wife she was not disabled; however medical issues later on disabled her for years before she passed. I loved her just the same.
 
Something else I wanted to share was, often when I meet someone online and they later find out I am disabled, they are often surprised and say something like "I would never have guessed!"

I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. I guess I'm asking why a spinal cord injury would have impacted me in such a way that one could tell by how I post in a web forum. My intellect didn't change, just my nervous system.

A physically disabled person isn't necessarily mentally challenged.

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When I was still young & strong and my genes hadn't caught up with me, I dated a guy who was a quad for a couple of months. It was a rebound relationship for both of us, so it didn't last very long, but it means I'm a very much yes.

On the mental side of things, I doubt I could be involved for long with someone who wasn't familiar with depression. There's the danger of both hitting a bad depressive episode at once, but it beats someone who tells you to get over yourself. OTOH, I've been scared off full-blown type 1 bipolar for life, from experience.
 
deadrose said:
When I was still young & strong and my genes hadn't caught up with me, I dated a guy who was a quad for a couple of months. It was a rebound relationship for both of us, so it didn't last very long, but it means I'm a very much yes.

On the mental side of things, I doubt I could be involved for long with someone who wasn't familiar with depression. There's the danger of both hitting a bad depressive episode at once, but it beats someone who tells you to get over yourself. OTOH, I've been scared off full-blown type 1 bipolar for life, from experience.
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Experience dealing with depression, or at least a good compassionate spirit, would likely be a prerequisite for dating most disabled people, I think.

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I'm married but my wife has MS. She has been in remission but the possibility of a worst case scenario is very real. Right now, her disability would be more of the invisible type although she did have her first episode in a bunch of years recently.

She told me about it very early on in the relationship. It wasn't a deal breaker for me. I tend to just let things roll and let the future take care of itself.

More generally...I think it depends on the person and the disability. If sex is impossible that would be a problem (for a new relationship, not an existing one where sex becomes impossible, I'd deal with that if it happens). Serious mental illness would also be an issue for me.
 
Peterson said:
I'm married but my wife has MS. She has been in remission but the possibility of a worst case scenario is very real. Right now, her disability would be more of the invisible type although she did have her first episode in a bunch of years recently.

She told me about it very early on in the relationship. It wasn't a deal breaker for me. I tend to just let things roll and let the future take care of itself.

More generally...I think it depends on the person and the disability. If sex is impossible that would be a problem (for a new relationship, not an existing one where sex becomes impossible, I'd deal with that if it happens). Serious mental illness would also be an issue for me.
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Your wife is very lucky to have found you.

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The fact is: even if your partner is able-bodied, eventually something on them is going to break.
 
RogueKitten said:
Your wife is very lucky to have found you.

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I tend to think the luck flows in the other direction.

This will be my first time seeing the side effects of steroids first hand so we'll see who the lucky one is

:scared::duck:
 
I absolutely would date or even marry a disabled person. HOWEVER - if one ignores the possibility of some strong personal connection based on purely on personality - it has to be admitted that limitations on range of activity or other aspects of life constitute a negative from the standpoint of evaluating the desirability of a potential partner. Something that can certainly be overcome through any number of positive traits - such as grit in the face of adversity, for instance. But disability is a negative, taken by itself.

I expect that many disabled (or those with assorted other baggage - an ex-gf of mine had two autistic little boys for example) suffer significantly from this sort of evaluation. Disability isn't necessarily a dealbreaker, at least for most individuals. But it sort of "raises the bar" in other areas to make up for the trouble; even if many of us human beings don't like to admit that this is the case or that some sort of "desirability evaluation" is even going on in our minds.
 
bytewizard said:
I am not disabled and have always liked to be around people who are honest, smart, have a good sense of humor and have a positive outlook on life. This could include anyone, regardless of physical disability. When I married my late wife she was not disabled; however medical issues later on disabled her for years before she passed. I loved her just the same.
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This is my husband's experience. I was healthy when we married. First came Bell's Palsy, then failed back surgery which has crippled me for 12 years, then a stroke last year. I keep losing ground but never give up.

He's 10 years younger than me and at one point I told him I'd understand if he needed to find someone closer to his age, not saddled with physical problems. He reminded me he'd done the, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and he meant to keep those vows. Love that man :thumbsup:

I know this is the opposite direction of the OP, but sometimes partners do bail because they can't cope. These would be the people that automatically look away from the disabled. :(
 
KatieG said:
This is my husband's experience. I was healthy when we married. First came Bell's Palsy, then failed back surgery which has crippled me for 12 years, then a stroke last year. I keep losing ground but never give up.

He's 10 years younger than me and at one point I told him I'd understand if he needed to find someone closer to his age, not saddled with physical problems. He reminded me he'd done the, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and he meant to keep those vows. Love that man :thumbsup:

I know this is the opposite direction of the OP, but sometimes partners do bail because they can't cope. These would be the people that automatically look away from the disabled. :(
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My husband falls into the second group. He won't admit my disability is why we are separated, but it very obviously is, since nothing else changed.

Honestly I'm better off without him, but that doesn't make it hurt less!
 
Shadowdweller said:
I absolutely would date or even marry a disabled person. HOWEVER - if one ignores the possibility of some strong personal connection based on purely on personality - it has to be admitted that limitations on range of activity or other aspects of life constitute a negative from the standpoint of evaluating the desirability of a potential partner. Something that can certainly be overcome through any number of positive traits - such as grit in the face of adversity, for instance. But disability is a negative, taken by itself.

I expect that many disabled (or those with assorted other baggage - an ex-gf of mine had two autistic little boys for example) suffer significantly from this sort of evaluation. Disability isn't necessarily a dealbreaker, at least for most individuals. But it sort of "raises the bar" in other areas to make up for the trouble; even if many of us human beings don't like to admit that this is the case or that some sort of "desirability evaluation" is even going on in our minds.
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I agree, we have to be superhumanly cool or really really hot to make up for being disabled, to put us on equal footing with other women. Fortunately for me, I am both ultra cool and super hot :D (not really lollll)
 
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