Holy Moly Al,
You have GOT to get your butt out of there.
Did you know that there are places in this very country:
Where you can see the ground. No, the REAL ground. You know, dirt. And people aren't trying to sweep it up. And nobody "dusts".!
Where you can, all on your own, for no reason, suddenly stop walking. And not get run into from behind...!
Where you can decide, all on your own, where & when to cross a street. And (I know I'll be stretching my credibility with you, but trust me, it's miraculously true) when you step into the street, (are you ready?) the cars ... will STOP FOR YOU...!!!
Where you can get in your car, drive downtown to a store, and PARK RIGHT IN FRONT of the store...!!!
Where you can live "in town", and yet, within 10 minutes of driving, have not a building or even other people in sight.
Where you can drive til your heart's content, and NOT pay a toll...!!
Where you have not been reduced from the top of the evolutionary ladder to "canine restroom attendant". Where, if the dog takes a dump, you just leave it & walk away. Because it blends right in with the other 1,000 tons of deer, elk, rabbit, coyote, etc droppings in the immediate vicinity.
Where, if nature calls, YOU can do the same thing too. You don't have to buy anything just to use a rest room. You don't even NEED a rest room.!! And learning to do it elegantly - comfortable, great view, etc - is considered "high art".
Where you can walk somewhere, settle down for a while, not have to pay someone rent, and just live there. For as long as you want. A day, a week, a month, until your supplies run out.
Where you can see the stars at night. ALL of them. (In case you're not sure, there are more, much more, than 50.)
Where "slow" is a acceptable pace for your actions. AND your speech.
Where sometimes, the loudest thing you'll hear, for a week, is a breeze, your heartbeat, the flapping of a butterfly...
Where, if you lie down & take a nap, you're not gonna get rousted by cops.
Where, if you get thirsty, you walk right down to that water flowing on the ground and drink it...! And it's delicious. And if you can snag a fish, even better.
Where, if your car breaks down, you can't call a cab. Or a tow-truck. Because there ain't one within 100 miles.
Where it gets dark at night. No, REALLY dark.
Where people teach their kids to be NICE to strangers..!
I know all of this may be hard to believe... I grew up in Boston, and I frankly couldn't believe it either. But I swear, I've seen it with my own eyes.
Of course, if you find all of that intimidating, you could just take a trip up here (I'm back in Boston temporarily.) It'll seem just like NYC, only smaller ... until you root for the Yankees. Then you're on your own. And I don't know you.!
Tom
